Your Stories. My Stories. Our Stories. Please forward all enquiries to seunodukoyaofficial@gmail.com.

Posts tagged “Fun

Giveaways: At The Mainland Book Club

These guys are family.

And in the way of family – we don’t always call or text. We hardly stay in touch.

But I got them. And they can say the same of me.

So there’s this thing they’re doing…

Free giveaways.

Make I no too talk. Read poster for details.

image

Lets Go There.

Advertisements

Revenge Is A Dish…

I love my wife. Don’t ever get that confused.

 

Now that’s out of the way – there are a couple of other things you need to know. They say marriage is like night market – you never actually know what you bought – till it’s the morning after. Or better still; they also say marriage is like a race in which you close one eye before you get in – and close both once you’re in.

 

I agree. To have a peaceful home, you have to master the art of looking the other way.

 

But there are some things you cannot just look away for. No sir.

 

Like this one instance.

 

Due to the nature of our jobs we leave the house as early five – latest six am. She drives off, I drive after. She works on the island, I work on the mainland. No kids yet – maybe not ever; so it’s pretty much work and us. Sometimes we cook dinner together; sometimes we eat out. It’s been a little over a year; and we’ve pretty much settled in. We still love each other very much – so we’re happy.

 

One morning however; everything changed.

 

I was wearing my shirt and waiting for her to come knot my tie as she does when suddenly; “Hey darling! take off your shirt – you’re not going to work yet.”

 

“I’m not? It’s Thursday o,” I said.

 

“When then? Take off that shirt and come here jo!”

 

It didn’t occur to me that she wanted sex; she would have asked me to take off more than my shirt. But I was curious so I did as she asked and walked to where her voice was coming from. When I arrived the living room, there was a spread of breakfast – the likes I haven’t seen in a while. It was eba and efo riro – steaming efo with ponmo, shaki and panla pieces that seemed to be winking at me.

 

Gaddem.

 

I forgot all my protestations. I forgot about the traffic – forgot everything except the rumbling in my stomach. Kissing her quickly and briefly I washed my hands in the bowl she held out and dug in. Ol’ boy, my tummy worms did a perfect rendition of Handel’s Messiah, segued into Tu Face’s E Be Like Say and finished with Fela’s Basketmouth. I was exultant.

 

Topped the whole thing with fresh, cold water – and I was on fire.

 

“Baby,” I began, standing up, the day I married you is the day I made a choice to come alive. I will love you till I die – I will never leave you. Iyawo mi, ah – what do you want? Anything – just say it and it is yours.”

 

She smiled – and when she smiles the skies acknowledge that indeed; this is a smile. “I am pleased to do for you, my love.”

 

I swear if she told me to bring her Zuma rock I would have boarded the next flight to Abuja and dug in with both hands rather than tell her I couldn’t. I kissed her and she helped me with my shirt and tie – and was knotting the tie when I realized she was still in her negligee. “Baby, what’s with the outfit? No work?”

 

She dimpled again. “No honey. Leave begins today.”

 

“Lucky you,” I said and bolted through the door.

 

I made it to work in time and the day; of course having started well was looking quite rosy. My world was perfect – until I suddenly started to feel sleepy.

 

That was unusual.

 

I actually never fell asleep at work – if you understand my job you’ll understand that it’s a luxury I cannot afford. So it was worrisome. I went to wash my face in the restroom – and that made me feel better. I went to my desk and continued to work.

 

Next thing I knew, I was woken up by the noise of my own snoring.

 

You know how you wake up – maybe in church, and you’re awake but you’ll still hide your face away because you’re embarrassed to have fallen asleep in the first place, so you maintain that same posture as though you intentionally sat like that?

 

Yeah. That was me that day at work. I thought and thought about how I could have fallen asleep – and then it occurred to me that my wife drugged me.

 

Not ‘drugged’ as in slipped me a mickey – but ‘drugged’ as in gave me eba in the morning intentionally. Right then and there I started plotting my revenge.

 

“Hello baby,” she said sweetly – a bit too sweetly. “Shey you didn’t sleep at work today?”

 

“At all,” I answered. “The eba was energizer – I couldn’t stop working. In fact, I’m on fire now sef.” To emphasize my words, I lifted her and raced into the bedroom. She was happy, I was happier.

 

But I had decided to get my own back.

 

On the day she was going to resume, I spent half the night pounding yam and cooking efo elegunsi with shaki and obokun fish. I was tired – but when I woke her up to wash that morning, I was happy. Oh, I was the gentleman! I carried her to the bathroom, washed her tenderly from head to toe – never mind what that did to me. Washed her, toweled her and rubbed cream for her. After then, I put her underwear on her and carried her to the table.

 

“A ‘welcome back to work’ something,” I said.

 

She ate with gusto – and I was happy watching her eat; despite the mischief behind it. My wife is a beautiful woman and I can watch her for hours.

 

Sha, we finished and left for work.

 

It was almost noon when a number I didn’t know called. “Hello?” I said.

 

“Yes please, is this Mr – ?”

 

I said it was.

 

“This is your wife’s boss. Could you please come to the office right away?”

 

I said I would and hung up.

 

I was a bit worried but I figured whatever it was, I’d know once I got there. I drove quickly – and when I arrived the place I was shown into one office like that. The man who called me stood from behind the desk, introduced himself and shook my hand.

 

“Mrs. – is my best staff, I must admit even though I’ve never told her. Therefore you can imagine my consternation when I got to work today and saw her sleeping.”

 

I wanted to burst into laughter for two reasons. That was the first time I’ve heard that word used in a conversation and I told him so.

 

Second reason was my revenge was now complete – but I didn’t tell him that.

 

“Where is she?” I asked, injecting the right balance of worry into my voice.

 

“Right this way,” he said and preceded me out of the office. “I even though maybe she is…you know…” I know what he meant but I wasn’t going to make it easy for him. “Sick?” I asked.

 

He shook his head. “Been having sex?”

 

The man waved his hands in front of him – as though he impregnated his wife by speaking the word. “No…ah…I mean I was wondering maybe she’s expecting…” his voice disappeared even though his mouth was still moving.

 

“Ah – if she is then God is a wonderful God. You see, I’m like the reverse Caitlyn – I used to be a woman.” I patted his back familiarly – and walked past him into my wife’s office while he stood in the passage trying not to have a heart attack. My wife was wiping sleep from her eyes, looking very sweet and innocent.

 

“Darling,” she started when she saw me. “What are you doing here?”

 

I kissed her – and then kissed her again, somewhat firmer the second time. “Well, you’re sick – due to your pregnancy so you’re taking the rest of the day off.” I smiled into her shocked eyes. “Let’s go.”

 

I half-carried her out of the office while she blinked sleep from her eyes and said goodbyes to her colleagues. The way they all followed us to the car made me marvel – and I told myself again how lucky I am to be married to her. They waited while I let her into the car – waited for me to start the engine and only then did they go back into the office.

 

“I’m so sleepy,” she mumbling, head against the seat, eyes on me. “I wonder why.”

 

I couldn’t resist. Laughter tumbled out of my belly – like lightning from heaven. Surprise lightened her features – and then it became a frown – and then the clouds cleared. The frown receded.

 

“You’re evil!” she yelled, pushing me against the side of the car. “Evil!” she said again, struggling with trying not to laugh.

 

“I learned from the best,” I said.

 

Silence from her side of the car made me search her out. Her eyes were still on mine, eyes that had a look in them that made me wish I was home with her. I floored the accelerator.

 

Shebi marriage no sweet?

 


The Creatweet Contest

Have fun with your creativity!

Have fun with creativity!

 

 

UPDATE:

The Creatweet contest was created primarily to help discover how literature can be created/deployed within the perimeters of new media – to measure how creative we can get in 130 characters.

 

The demographic (18-22 years) and the price are to test the idea before scaling it up.

 

However, we have decided to bow to public sentiment on the demographic. The contest is now open to all. On the prize, believe us when we say the second installment of this contest will blow your mind.

 

Back to the task at hand – the #Creatweet contest begins NOW!

 

Let’s make magic! Thank you!

 

 

I was hanging out with some of my buddies and looking through For Days and A Night – I was being made fun of, critiqued and ridiculed at the stories. But I was also being complimented and praised.

 

But that’s not the point. Someone suddenly asked ‘what’s the shortest story you’ve ever read?’

 

We started mentioning stories and all sorts of things – we were laughing at all the different ridiculous things that we had read. And then we decided to challenge ourselves and write the shortest stories we could.

 

Below are some of the stories we came up with:

 

  • She was my late girlfriend. Yet there she was, calling me fifteen years later, as alive as a point-and-kill fish before execution!

 

  • “And how is my wife?” he nervously asked the doctor.

 

               She said one word. He fainted.

 

 

  • That they were about to die did not bother them in the least. That much I could tell from their smiles.

 

Long after we departed for our homes, I sat down and looked through those stories. And this crazy guy kept asking me ‘Seun, how far can this go?’

 

Then it occurred to me that sharing this would not be a bad idea. I’m constantly learning – and what better way to learn that to challenge myself and others to do push our art to the limit?

 

Here is what I came up with:

 

The #Creatweet ‘Contest’.

 

Nothing serious; just something to inspire, create fun and then give a little something for effort. Here we go:

 

Have fun and get rewarded while you’re at it!

 

Get on twitter, write a story or creative sentences in 130 characters or less, tag your work with the hashtag #creatweet and win N2000 airtime from any network of your choice!

 

‘Contest’ begins on Monday the 11th of March 2013 9:00am and ends on Tuesday the 12th of March 2013 9:00am.

 

Winners will be announced on Friday the 15th of March 12noon.

 

There are only three conditions:

 

  1. Contestants should be between the ages 16 – 22 years
  2. Winner will be judged on use of English, punctuations and so on. Use of text speak automatically disqualifies an entry.
  3. Contest only open to Nigerian residents.

 

You can send as many entries as you like – the more you enter the more your chances of winning!

 

What are you waiting for?! Start tweeting!

 

Send all enquiries to seunodukoyaofficial@gmail.com. Follow @seunodukoya


14 Days: The 1st Day

valentine-days12

And the last day; day 1 went like this:

She got to work that morning feisty as all get out. She had made up her mind that she was not going to Obudu with her boss – and that he should do his worst.

But it’s work; her head pointed out.

He just wants to be sleeping with us; her heart argued.

And so it went on till she got to work. The first person she saw was the front-desk person; Shola.

“Oga has travelled. He said to tell you he went with his madam,” Shola said. “Happy Valentine’s Day.”

She felt relieved. “Thank you darling,” she said and went into her office.

Toke and Chinedu were there, being really careful around each other. She did not know what to say anymore – so she had hugged each of them and settled in to do some paperwork.

I meet her like that, trying to do some work. But it’s clear that she’s not getting anywhere with it. Her mind keeps drifting – she keeps thinking about her boyfriend. It is as though his going away has evoked some new depth of feeling within herself – as though she just met and the sparks are flying all over again. She picks up her phone to call him…and then she has a rethink. He’s probably busy. A text will do.

So she sends him one, a whimsical smile on her face. She hears a sound in the distance – a sound painfully familiar. But it is impossible; it cannot be sounding that close. So she tells herself it’s her imagination and tries to continue working. Almost immediately he sends a reply and she smiles. They will be fine.

Two weeks will fly by…and they’ll be together again.

“Baby, I need a favor,” Toke suddenly whispers in her ear, making her jump a bit. “What is wrong with you?” she snaps at the girl at her shoulder. She feels contrite instantly, and hugs the girl whispering, “I’m sorry. What do you need?”

Toke sniffs. “I got Chinedu some stuff,” she says quietly, indicating that worthy who is asleep on his table.  “And I did not want him to know so I hid them in the store. Could you please? It’s a huge black box…”

“Say no more,” our ‘she’ says, and marches towards the storeroom which is just a small room inset in the back of their office. Chinedu looks up from his table, too quickly for one who is supposed to be asleep, not wanting to miss any of the ensuing drama.

She opens the store door, flicks on the light.

And finds herself face to face with her boyfriend who is supposedly in Abuja.

“Hello beautiful,” he says, sweat dotting his brow.

She does what almost anyone; male or female (forget movies) would do in that situation. She shrieks.

It’s a few minutes after one in the afternoon before the pandemonium settles. By that time, everyone in the office from security guard to cleaner to driver knows who auntie’s boyfriend is. The poor guy has been shaking hands for the past thirty minutes while his girlfriend stands by, shaking her head and beaming proudly. She looks at Chinedu and Toke who are standing to one side, laughing quietly and draws a finger across her throat. I’ll kill you; she mouths in their direction.

“We love you too,” Toke whispers back. Chinedu blows her a kiss.

“So, you were not sent to Abuja at all,” she says accusingly to her man when the dust finally settles.

“Sure I was. I’m supposed to be there now. I just explained things to my partner and he agreed to cover for me till tomorrow.” He smiles down at her. “First flight out. And you’re coming with me.”

“And them?” she asks, indicating the grinning couple. “How did they get in on it?”

“You had been hoarding him from us na,” Chinedu says, casually slipping an arm around Toke’s waist. “So when he called and explained to me, it was a chance to surprise you twice.”

“But how did he get in there?” she asks. “Did you leave the airport immediately I left or…”

“I flew to Abuja…saw my partner and explained things to him. And then I flew right back, connected with him and crashed in his house. Came to the office with him this morning – we came extra-early so we could beat you in,” he ends, grinning happily.

“So that’s why you were dozing!” she accuses Chinedu.

“So…?”

She shakes her head, looking at this boyfriend of hers. I love him; she thinks.

“I love you,” she says, liking the smile that shows up on his face. “I love you too,” he says in response, somewhat automatically yet unlike she’s ever heard it before. Yeah yeah.

“Oya kiss me jo,” she says to him.

And as that kiss is enough for me on Valentine’s Day, I go home jeje to hug my pillow and bottles.

I’m sure you wish her well. I do, no matter what.

Happy Valentine’s Day, young lovers everywhere. Love is beautiful.


14 Days: The 2nd Day

 

 

And the 2nd day was.

 

She is at the airport – MM2 to be exact. She is there to see her boyfriend off.

 

Off to where?

 

Well, he is being sent down to Zaria to oversee one training something-or-the-other, and as is the way with ‘slave traders’ he was not informed until Monday, and he is to be gone for two weeks. That sucks, no?

 

Anyway, she’s dressed casually even though she is supposed to be at work – black off-shoulder blouse, white jeans and a white scarf to complete the ensemble. Her boyfriend is checking in, and she has her arms around herself, watching from beside the airline booths. She’s just…there.

 

Actually, she is kind of laughing at herself. She’s laughing because; well…two days ago, it was the sudden discovery that Engineer had a wife that set the tone for the week, so to speak. Of course, she had not been prepared to take the woman’s word for it (even though she was pretty certain it was true; Laide had sounded too sincere) and had confronted Engineer with it. He had not bothered to deny it – in fact he was more upset that she’d found out about it than he was about her reaction. She was angry. He should have told her about it and she would have decided what she wanted to do.

 

As if that hadn’t been bad enough, her boyfriend had called her yesterday to tell her about this sudden trip. She closes her eyes and wishes everything was just back to a week ago; a week ago when she had the choice of three men who to spend 14th with. It would seem as though the choice is made for her.

 

“Worried much?”

 

She opens her eyes to find her boyfriend smiling at her. He is the kind of guy you want describe as ‘nice-looking’. She moves close to him and suddenly asks, ‘are you cheating on me?’

 

He frowns at her. “Now what sort of question is that?”

 

She nods, agreeing. “What sort of question is that?” she repeats unhappily. “I don’t know, I’m just…” she looks away, and then looks back at him. “I don’t want you to go,” she says.

 

He grabs her non-too-gently and kisses her soundly. She kisses him back, liking and enjoying the aggression in his kiss. She bites his lower lip gently, and looses herself in his arms. A small cough next to them brings her back to earth, and she gently untangles herself from his arms.

 

“Slow down, soldier.” she says teasingly, even though she feels depressed. Don’t go, she wants to say. Stay with me! But she keeps smiling and looking him in the eye. He looks troubled, sad even. It suddenly occurs to her that; maybe this guy actually loves her, maybe he actually takes her serious. As it is in the world today, the ‘I love yous’ are just a matter of course; words that really mean nothing. Or maybe they do to him; she wonders.

 

“Maybe I don’t have to go…” he says, looking forlorn. “I was so looking forward to those two days with you…”
She swallows past a lump in her throat and speaks to him, arms around his shoulders. “Imagine how that would look on your CV. It’s work, baby. Me you’ll always have…this opportunity might not come again for a while…”

 

He looks at her. “Always?! As in…I’ll always have you…”

 

She releases him and smacks his shoulder lightly. “Go jo! I knew that was the only thing you will hear. Ashawo!”

 

They both laugh, regarding each other fondly. And then his flight is announced.

 

“Boarding for Flight 108 for Abuja, boarding now. Gate 14. Boarding for Flight 108 Dana Airlines, Abuja. Gate 14.”

 

“Dana Airlines?! Are you…” he interrupts her.

 

“I’ll be fine. Miss me.”

 

He kisses her hungrily, and they both feel something different in the way their lips touch. And then he breaks away, and looks at her. “Only you,” he says, looking as serious as a corpse at its burial. “Only you.”

 

And then he turns and walks away without a backwards glance.

 

Forever?

valentine-days-1


14 Days: The 3rd Day

valentine-days9

 

 

She felt a bit feverish on the 3rd day.

This is what happened.

 

She is at work, her head hurting a little bit. It can be that she is coming down with something. But if you ask her like I did, and if she likes you like she does me, she will tell you it has been that way since yesterday. Yesterday; since that woman’s call precisely.

 

The conversation plays in her mind.

 

“Hello?” she had picked the call on the second ring. “Hope you did not get in trouble with LASTMA,” she said, really concerned.

 

“No thank you,” the woman responded, sounding excited again. “You sound very nice.”

 

She laughs. “Thank you.” And then, a bit hesitantly…”May I know…”

 

“…who this is?” The woman on the other end of the phone finished. “I’m Laide. Laide Wunmi Adebanjo,” she finished.

 

The way she said the names implied she expected to be recognized, and somewhere in our ‘her’s’ mind, a dull buzzing had begun; a small warning sound.

 

“I’m sorry,” ‘she’ said. “But do I know you?”

 

Laide suddenly sounded unhappy. “No you don’t,” she said. “But you do indirectly. You see, you’re sleeping with my husband.”

 

‘She’ was shocked. MD’s wife!

 

But then, she remembered the name she had just heard – and MD’s name was not Ade-anything. “Excuse me? I don’t know…”

 

Laide interrupted her. “My husband is Wale. You probably call him engineer or something like that.”

 

Engineer!

 

“Em, Laide…ma? Can I say something?” She continued talking, not allowing the woman put in a word. “I didn’t know Wale was married. He never told me.” Not that it would have made any difference if he had, she thought bitterly, thinking at that moment of her boss.

 

“I can believe that,” Laide sounded sad. “I don’t know what he wants again. He takes care of me and the kids – but I want my man. You can’t blame me for that,” Laide said. There was a slight pause, and then “I saw some of your pictures. You’re really beautiful,” she finished.

 

“Em – thank you ma,” she said, feeling quite bad. “Ma, I’m really sorry…” Laide interrupted her.

 

“You didn’t know,” she said. “Could you stop calling me ma? That makes me feel…well, old.”

 

There was a long silence on the phone, a silence of understanding; of empathy.

 

 

And then Laide spoke, sounding choked up. “I think…I should be going. You take care, okay?”

 

She is at work, her head hurting a little bit. It can be that she is coming down with something. But if you ask her like I did, and if she likes you like she does me, she will tell you it has been that way since yesterday. Yesterday; since that woman’s call precisely.

 

Her phone rings now. She smiles a little, the headache receding a  little. It’s her boyfriend, you see.

 

“Hey you,” she says, smiling for the first time today.

 

“Hey you,” he says back, but she can tell there’s something wrong. She suddenly becomes aware of her heart – beating strongly within her chest.

 

“What is it?” She asks. “What’s wrong?”

 

“I…” he starts to say – but at that point MTN does their magic and they cannot hear each other anymore. And then, I have to leave. I have to work too, you know.

 

Maybe tomorrow. Maybe.


14 Days: The 4th Day

 

 

The fourth day came…and basically went.

 

 

“So we won the tournament,” Chinedu says to a sleepy ‘her’. She lifts up her head groggily to look at him. “That much I figured out by the amount of fireworks that were going off in my neighborhood,” she answers, standing up and stretching. It seems like I sleep around work a lot these days, she thinks.

 

 

“It seems like you sleep around work a lot these days,” Chinedu says as he stands up from behind his desk and walks over to hers. “Are you okay?” he asks.

 

 

She smiles, a mischievous lifting of her lips. “I’m fine o. Just a bit of stress lately or something.” She pats her head lightly and looks at Chinedu. “You look excited. Is there something going on?”

 

 

Chinedu nods. “I bared my mind to Toke over the weekend. And even though she did not say anything – I feel some sort of relief.”

 

 

She smiles at him. “That’s the idea – telling them however you feel. They don’t have to respond the way you think they should – “

 

 

The door opens and they both look to see it’s the front-desk girl “Oga has returned,” she says with a slightly affected accent.

 

 

Our ‘she’ responds. “Thanks, I’ll be right out.”

 

 

She smiles at Chinedu. “I just need to clarify some things with him,” she says, jerking her thumb towards the door. “I’ll be right back.”

 

 

She walks towards the boss’ office, moving elegantly, heels clicking gently. She smiles at the front-desk girl who smiles back, thinking about how beautiful a smile our ‘she’ has. She can see him from the corridor, he is settling into his seat after removing his jacket. She rounds the corner to his office and knocks.

 

 

“Come in,” he says, having looked up to see who it is.

 

She walks in. “Boss…” she begins but he cuts her short. “You look nice today – but then you always do,” he says, lowering his glasses to leer at her.

 

 

She blushes. “Thank you sir, but I have to talk to you.”

 

 

He instantly becomes serious. “What is it?” he asks.

 

 

She leaves the door and goes to sit in front of him. “Sir, it’s about Obudu. I…I won’t be able to make it.”

 

 

He pauses and looks at her from over his spectacles. “And that is because…?”

 

 

“Well…sir, I…” he interrupts her.

 

 

“I don’t doubt that you’ve made other plans – and I respect that. But this is work, young lady. I don’t think you should be hard put to make up your mind. Should you?”

 

 

She hangs her head, though inside she is seething. “No, sir,” she says in between gritted teeth. “No I shouldn’t.”

 

 

“Good.”

 

 

He looks at his table and picks up a pen, silently dismissing her.

 

 

She walks back to her office, really angry. That old goat..!

 

 

She opens the door and walks into the room – just as her phone begins ringing. She grabs it – from beside her system and looks at the screen. It’s not a number she knows.

 

 

“Hello?” she says politely.

 

 

“Hi!” a warm female voice answers excitedly. “How are you doing?” the voice continues.

 

 

She can’t help but answer – she even has a smile on her face. “I’m fine – and you?”

 

 

The voice sounds a bit subdued. “I’m fine…or I would be if…” there’s a pause, and then the voice continues, now sounding stronger. “I will call you back shortly – I’m driving and there’s this LASTMA guy eying me. I’ll call you. Bye!”

 

 

“That’s okay. Hope you don’t get arrested!”

 

 

There is an indistinct ‘I hope so too thanks!’ before the caller hangs up. ‘She’ has a smile on her face before asking herself;  ‘what was that all about?’

 

 

I don’t know. Do you?

 

valentine-days10