But I Love You
I know that doesn’t change anything
Doesn’t change the bullshit I did
Doesn’t erase the crap I put you through
But I love you; I do
Even my Twitter knows
I don’t know if you notice,
But I’m not on Twitter much
And when I am,
I try to flirt with some of the other girls
Like magic; your handle pops up
I can’t go on
I just log out
Sometimes I want to scream and shout
The memories are stalking me, I’m asking how
Can I just delete that last thoughtless tweet?
But I love you; I do
Even my Facebook knows
Now, Facebook I do more of;
Because I’m with people I know much of
So we banter, argue, talk, discuss
And as it is with Twitter your face comes up
Doesn’t help that we share plenty friends
Not to mention how they keep tagging us with their pens
Their poems, stories and stuff like that
A couple even add us to groups; my bad!
But wait – should I have unfriended you
Acted like you’re some stranger I never knew?
Gone around my business like nothing happened?
Make you disappear in the haze of some spliff?
Make it look like it was my choice we split?
Vodka to the brim; several stiff drinks
Plus several lips can’t erase the memory of one kiss
And I love you; I do
Even my Smartphone knows
Like the way you hypnotized my friends and family
Even my phone treats me like I’m the enemy
It saved all your texts in a backed-up back up memory
It did that before I could delete any
When I call a girl; the network stops
I blamed MTN; I thought my credit was bust
Then I realized; female calls don’t come thru
The only one I can call is you
I don’t see texts from other girls
Innocent or not, bloody phone doesn’t care!
But how can I explain the choice you made?
To leave me – to leave us; a chorus with no refrain?
Still I love you. I do
Even YouTube knows
Saw a video of you at some seminar
Even better than that; you were the guest speaker!
So I watched, watched and watched again
Like I’m enjoying the pain of feeling crushed; again
But the thing is –
The thing is, since then I cannot use YouTube
On ANY system; from Lagos to Accra too;
When I open the page; this is kinda freaky
That video comes up; believe me
I’m watching something else; it’s in the corner waiting
And because of your face I cannot resist clicking
Coincidence I thought; science can explain everything
Till the same thing happened on a friend’s Smartphone in Britain
I do love you; I do
The thing is; do you?
Click on Image To Download This Ain’t Poetry
Another morning. I brush the night dust from my keyboard. I’m about to begin again.
Somewhere on my Facebook chat indicator, a green light goes out.
Another person just left.
I see people typing all sorts of tributes and so on. I shrug mentally.
Not my cup of tea; I think. I didn’t know her.
But other people did. And that got me thinking – how many people have left my Facebook TL and I have no idea because I didn’t ‘know’ them?
And an even bigger question – how in touch am I with the people I do know?
Even though the world is closer than ever; we live in a global village nowadays, we as individuals are farther apart than ever. The same thing that brought/brings us together has driven us apart.
Do you have any idea how much information we’re bombarded with on a daily basis? Another three million people just opened another six million blogs. How many are we online gaan sef?
It’s a struggle – it’s hard enough to hold on to our sense of individuality these days; in a world where it’s become the fad to think collectively. Hard enough to hold onto the things that make you unique – not to talk about the people who matter.
People leave every day. One way or the other, they leave.
There’s nothing you or I can do to change that.
What we can do, however is insist on letting the people who matter know they matter and why they matter. We all are human – and it’s easy to forget a hug in the midst of life’s cold winds.
What we can do, is to say a ‘hi’ to a new person every day – random acts of kindness don’t really hurt.
What we can do, is to remember those people who come once-in-a-while regularly and just remind us what it is to be human, to be loved, to feel special.
What we can do, is smile.
Good Morning today!
Continuing the blog tour trend began last week; thanks to the beautiful @FabulosityReads; we’ll be looking at a second book; My Beautiful Suicide today.
Scary, no? I think it’s quite intriguing.
Written by Attaliah Eve, My Beautiful Suicide is Cosette Hugo’s story. A girl who’s life is more or less headed nowhere, a sequence of unfortunate events make her decide to take her life. The method she chooses however only makes for more complications…
You should just read from Attaliah herself.
Suicide is selfish.
It tells the world that you are weak. It tells the world your family and friends have failed. It leaves them with guilt that they could have done more but didn’t. It tells them they are clueless and helpless.
I am weak, but I am not selfish.
My suicide will not leave my family and friends with guilt and shame; it will leave them thankful that they knew me for the short time I was here.
– Cosette Hugo
Her brother died. Her parents divorced. Her high school bully is relentless. Cosette doesn’t have a lot to live for, but it isn’t until she accidentally kills someone that Cosette makes the decision to take her own life.
Unwilling to bring shame to her mom, best friend Mattie, or her boyfriend Chris, Cosette decides the best method of suicide is to become a victim of the local serial killer, The Poser. But every time she goes out to find him she gets attacked; her instincts take over, and she ends up killing her attackers. This quickly leads to unbearable guilt. Desperate to finish this before she gets caught or racks up more victims, Cosette does the unthinkable.
“And when I reach my final goal, to meet my brother in heaven, and we’re looking down at my victim in Hell, he will say to me ‘Well done, Cosette. What a Beautiful Suicide.'”
“No, I just want to apologize.” He loosely holds my hand and walks me to my couch. “I crossed a line I said I wouldn’t and you warned me. You know enough about me to know that I’m no boy scout. But I want you to know that I know enough about you that I think I should stop asking questions.”
I hate what he’s saying to me, but before I get mad at him, he holds up a finger. “I have something for you.”
“Do I want it?”
“Actually, I have two things, and yes, you’ll want one and need the other.” He holds his fist out. I put my hand underneath, waiting to catch whatever he drops. “This I stole, because that’s just what I do, but it doesn’t make it any less meaningful, okay?”
“Okay.” I grin at his cute introduction.
“If you’ve changed your mind about committing to me, then let me know now before I open my hand and look stupid.”
“You saw me completely naked. I think that’s commitment enough.”
“Very true, good answer.” He opens his hand and drops a small ring with two diamonds separated by a deep blue sapphire. “This is a promise ring. It’s not an engagement ring or anything like that. It’s just me pledging myself to you. If you accept me, then accept the ring. If you aren’t sure, then don’t take it. I know it’s old fashioned, but I’m an old fashioned kind of guy.”
“I’ll take it and I’ll take you.” He slides it on my finger while I cry. I lunge at him and kiss him. He smiles and kisses me back.
He’s perfect, just perfect.
I wish I could be like him, so loving, and thoughtful, and kind—but I’m not. I knew when I started that I would not be good for Chris. Shit, I’m on a suicide mission and here he wants to pledge himself to me.
“Chris, I can’t take this.”
“What? Rejection already?”
I pull away from him, feeling the vacuuming black hole sucking onto me, letting me know it’s there waiting for me. “I’m not good enough for you, Chris. I can’t take you down with me.”
“What do you mean down with you? Cosette, I’ll go anywhere with you. You’re perfect for me.”
“The Cozy you know is not the real me. You are pledging yourself to my body, not my soul.”
“I don’t understand. You said you loved me.” His voice cracks, breaking my heart.
“Oh my God, I do! But my soul is dying. It started dying a long time ago and keeps dying the more I cross these lines. It’s not fair for me to offer you something that isn’t perfect. I can’t take this from you. I’m not worthy.” I take the ring off and hand it back to him.
He stares at it, confused. “Did I happen to mention that this was stolen?”
I chuckle through tears.
I was born and raised in Colorado Springs, Colorado. Family life was rough with a religious mother and a short-tempered, alcoholic father. (Picture Archie Bunker) My escape was reading and music. I think I was the only kid with my nose in a book during the Air Force Academy football games.
As a teen I was an 80’s new waver with black shaved hair, a pale face and bright red lipstick. I was very self-destructive and always got into trouble. Needing a change I followed my father’s footsteps and joined the Air Force.
During my four year enlistment I was stationed at Nellis AFB in Las Vegas, Nevada where I met my wonderful husband. We both got out of the military and moved to Southern Indiana, on the outskirts of Louisville, Kentucky. I have two teenage boys whom I try to embarrass but have yet to succeed, they have great senses of humor.
I wrote my first novel over ten years ago and was on the verge of having it published when, sadly, my publisher passed away. I shelved my books for a few years to work on our family business. Now I’m back to writing and have decided my fate is in my own hands. And since I hate being told what to do so; I am self-publishing!
Amazon- My Beautiful Suicide
Smashwords- My Beautiful Suicide
Barnes & Noble– My Beautiful Suicide
Where to connect with Atty Eve:
What do you think? My Beautiful Suicide would be fun to read abi?
Stay with us! Thank you for coming!!
So I’m about as knowledgeable about women as a rat is about massages. Forgive me.
First thing I do that Monday is to look her up on Facebook. Sure enough, there are enough pictures of her there to make for an art exhibition. Nothing sleazy or dirty though. Just…pictures.
I ‘steal’ the most detailed ones and have a small confab with my secretary – the same one who looks at me like I’m Dominoes Ice-Cream. Meh.
Next move? Konga for some quick shopping.
I buy some expensive lingerie…the most expensive I can find. And for an embarrassing moment I lose myself in the sights of delightful intimate female bits.
I sigh and shake my head, pulling myself together. It’s been a while.
I have a moment of misgivings. Is this the best thing I can come up with? What’s the worst that can happen?
I laugh. It’s too late for cold feet now.
Placing the order for three overtly-sensual pieces, I fill in the address and name and then pay via MasterCard. The package is scheduled.
I also ask my secretary; who is turning out to be quite the asset where I can order roses. She blushes, flutters her eyes and scribbles a number for me. I order half-a-dozen white roses and schedule them for delivery after three working days. I assume if everything goes right with Konga she should be getting it around that time.
Grinning happily, I begin the day’s work. We have a meeting with said client Friday.
I won’t be surprised if she does not show up. I hope my boss isn’t.
He asked you out. You said yes. He looks good. Tall. Charming.
The kind of guy your mother would love to death.
And he can speak. With less than five sentences, he has you drooling already.
And then he invites you to his place. Finally; you think. It’s about that time!
So you drown in perfume and deodorant. Everything – from your earrings to your girdle is new.
You sashay (do ladies still do that these days?) to his crib – and it’s eye candy.
As in, the crib is sweet!
He looks edible. So edible…(okay, I said that before)!
So he asks you what you’d like to eat.
And even though you would have easily said ‘You’, you decide to slow down and whisper ‘whatever you got babe’.
And then he whips THIS out:
What would YOU do?!
Please have an amazing weekend! On God!
See you next week! Woot woot!!