Looking at your footprints
Hoping for laid plans,
Finding ourselves now. Here,
Let’s get lost. Together.
Somewhere between nowhere and goodbye.
I must have had sex with somebody in my sleep last night – and it was not my wife.
I know this because it was crazy. Unusual.
Don’t get me wrong. I’m not saying sex with my wife is boring – but when you’ve been married to the same woman for six years, things become a little routine.
Note; however, that is not an excuse to cheat. I do not endorse unfaithfulness – though it has come to that point in my life that I stare at every…well; almost every young thing that comes into my office in a short skirt. And Abuja being what it is, and jobs being what they are, and the times being what they are too – well, you can imagine I have plenty young things to stare at.
Still, call me boring but I didn’t think an hour – or even a night of sex was worth hurting my wife over. Maybe that’s ‘old-school’ or ‘stupid’ because she may as well be cheating – but what she does is her business.
But wait – that’s a thought.
What if she is cheating?
I choose not to think about that. She is a wonderful wife.
But while I have tight reins on my body, the ones on my mind are not so tight…
And so I fantasize.
There’s this particular pretty young thing that finds an excuse to walk into my office abruptly – and then hurry out, swinging hips acting like they are independent of her. I mean, they were like well-oiled swivel doors, like the back and forth movement of a waltzing couple, like…
Okay. I have to stop there.
The P.Y.T’s name? Alice.
Honestly, who in this country names their daughter Alice?
Every time someone called her name, I expected someone to add a ‘In Wonderland’ rejoinder – you know; like they used to do on NTA back in the day when the program was being presented. And honestly, no offense to all the Alice’s out there, but I think it’s a pretty unimaginative name.
‘Unimaginative’ stops at her name. Everything else is…
I swallow thickly just thinking about it.
I have to ask my boss exactly who it is hired her, what her job is and exactly what I need to do to get her fired. He puts a fatherly hand on my shoulder and says; “Ike, she is the new administrative assistant. And if only you took a look at her CV, you’ll see how lucky we are to have her. Go ahead, look at the CV – that is; if you can look past her chest.”
I start guiltily and frown at him, but the damage is done. He pats my shoulder condescendingly, laughs in my face and says: “Problems with the wife?”
I cannot answer. He starts to walk away – and then pauses. “It’s been what, five years?” At my guilty silence he laughs again. “Be a grown up, Ike. Have a little fun. Who’s to complain?”
I walk back to my office with bent head and seared conscience.
I mean, everybody has their indiscretions – but I didn’t expect my boss to be so blatant about something like that. This is someone who was proud of rubbing our nose in the fact that he had a strong and growing family.
Well, I want a strong and growing family. What I have now however; is an overactive imagination and an itch that won’t go away.
So I jejely struggle with myself till it’s closing hours – and then hurry home. I don’t even want to have sex with my wife; I’m afraid I might get carried away and scream the wrong name. I’m still young and virile; the last thing I want is to be castrated.
So I take a couple of cold showers and I convince myself I’m fine. Spend some time in front of the TV with the kids, and then she comes home. My wife, I mean.
We have dinner together and it’s almost like old times. After we’re done, she clears the table while I send the kids to bed. And then I join her in the kitchen, help with the dishes and all – and then I realize I’m looking at a behind I barely recognize.
Uh oh. She’s wearing shorts.
Of course you know I want to indulge in some healthy health-nourishment but she’s understandably tired. So we set off to bed, cuddle and fall asleep.
But sometime during the night I have this highly erotic dream. I’m having amazing sex with a hugely attractive woman – and she is not my wife. It’s interesting that I know this woman is not my wife – because I don’t exactly catch a glimpse of her.
It’s interesting because I do not remember details of her body and such like – but I know for a fact that she is not my wife.
How do I know?
Well, I woke up sometime in the morning, feeling somehow excited. I don’t mean excited because I did something naughty, I mean excited because something good is going on. I take a moment to figure it out – and then I realize something is tickling my morning wood.
I look down – and directly into my wife’s face. She is smiling, a hand wrapped round – and she is gently stroking and tugging. All sorts of sensations invade my head at once, and I’m about to throw my head back and scream or moan in pleasure when I catch a glimpse of something shiny in my wife’s other hand.
She’s holding a knife.
My moan/scream dries in my throat – only milliseconds faster than my erection. I look at her and she looks back at me; the smile I thought was sexy moments ago looking as evil as all get out. I try to talk – but I can only croak.
“Baby…?” I sha manage to get out. Her smile gets wider and she fondles me quite lovingly. I shudder in spite of myself.
And then she asks me, acid dripping from her tongue;
“Who is Alice?”
Something more than wishing
It’s more than hoping
It’s getting ready to hope
I like to remind anybody who cares to listen that the first thing I ever read was a comic.
Of course, I cannot remember if that’s true or it’s just wishful thinking on my part, but it was definitely one of the first things I ever read. I had a brother who was an avid reader, and I guess the colorful pictures were what drew me in.
And then, the possibilities. Imagine a man who dressed like a bat to frighten criminals, a lone survivor – the last of his kind, a nerd bitten by a radioactive spider, another nerd bombarded with millions of gamma radiation (some of it don’t make sense; I know) but it was fun.
Also it broadened my mind. My horizons. My vocabulary.
And made me a hit with the ladies quite early.
All through my growing years I found ways to steadily feed my addiction to comics. When we ran out spots to buy comics I would embrace The Punch (my mom was actually impressed I was reading newspapers in primary five; but it was the cartoons!) and Vanguard for Garth and Captain Africa respectively. I’m sure some of you seventies-early eighties babies remember Benbella and Lulu and of course, Funtimes (how many people know Papa Ajasco was actually a comic character?)!
That article is coming soon enough. But I digress.
One of the complaints we had back then was a lack of Nigerian comics. We wanted characters we knew and could relate to, characters that spoke our language, wore our clothes – characters who complained about NEPA and water and the government; but then went one step further and SOLVED those problems even though they were the subject of fantasies. A couple of people started some thing in that regard – but due to the normal reasons things fizzle out here, that fizzled out.
But not all of them did.
Fast forward to 2013, one Saturday morning in September. Just finished one of those ‘meetings’ and I’m wondering what next – and then I remember I had gotten a text earlier that week inviting me to an ‘Emperor’s Groove’. For a moment I was like what?!
As I decided to delete the text my side-eye caught the word ‘comics’. Game. Over.
Especially comics created and drawn in Nigeria for Nigerians by Nigerians?! It was a wet dream come true (watch Big Bang Theory to understand that).
So there I headed o, heart in mouth hoping not to be crushed. There have been so many similar events, so many similar platforms that started – and then died prematurely for reasons best known to the organizers. I was hoping for the best – though fully prepared for the worst.
I wasn’t crushed.
The first thing I saw was the spread of comics. Beautiful covers, eye-catching fonts and stories…I went from stall to stall, picking up comics and inhaling their fresh-print smell. I was in heaven! There were posters, stickers, magazines, freebies for download – all sorts of fan-boy materials.
After buying to my heart’s desire, I went to look for the organizers of the event and got to meet the man behind the whole thing – the head ’emperor’ if you will; Ibrahim Ganiyu, the mind behind some of the creative works seen on today’s screens. Ibrahim had a huge role to play in the inception of the Indomitables (Indomie Noddles Characters).
Me: Pleased to meet you, Ibrahim. I’m quite excited by this. Huge shout out on the Indomitables thing!
I wonder where the idea came from…
Ibrahim: Thank you, Seun.
A comic con we can have every month! Why not let fans and publishers know that every month there’s one place they can meet and do business? So a publisher can’t reach all the stores but a fan doesnt know where to get Nigerian Comics…create a market (not unlike the food markets- regular and all) where both can meet. No frills, just buying and selling of comics!
Me: So what’s feedback been like?
Feed back has been positive and interesting. We have comic publishers giving away their prints, people coming in from Ibadan to participate, parents asking when the next one will be and if theyll get to see more titles etc.
Presently EG is funded largely by ICStudios (Ibrahim’s Imprint/Company) but has actually been supported more by the Publishers themselves. Pnuema comics (from Ibadan), Stallion Comics, Elixir Studios, Laffta Chapta, Prex to name some.
Me: As you know, the most recent Hollywood blockbusters are movies based on comic stories/characters. Of the two major companies, who’s kicking ass – DC (home to Batman, Man of Steel, Wonder Woman) or Marvel (Iron Man, Avengers, Hulk, Wolverine, X Men)?
Ibrahim: Movies: hard to tell these days…I am still reeling in Man of Steel! but I’ll say now, the 2 giants have just about even out. perhaps a new release will shoot one above the other…who knows? Iron Man 4? Avengers 2? Man of Steel 2? Wonder Woman? The future is thick with expectations!!
Me: Dark Edge is your studio’s leading character. When are we likely to see a live-action movie – or at least animation?
Ibrahim: A Dark Edge movie: Woah! Its a question we’ll love to answer too. Still thinking which way to go: Full animated? Live action? Both are presently in consideration but we are more in the market for a good screen writer to partner with to develop a good play for the movie on either platform.
Me: When is the next Emperor’s Groove and what can the fans expect?
Ibrahim: It comes up on the 16th of November 2013 at Plot 18, Lateef Jakande Road, Omole Ikeja Lagos.
There’s a whole lot to look forward to. We’ll be having Dark Edge collectors edition (issues 1-3), Dark Edge IV on sale and June XII in print at this month’s edition with Dark Edge V previewed. Dark Edge V will be released at the comic con.
We will also be having a drawing competition at the venue with an award for the winner. We have more Nigerian Comics coming on the stands too!
You should come o. There’s plenty to see and have!
Me: Thank you for your time, Ibrahim.
Ibrahim: My pleasure.
And so I went to my house, comics in my arms, joy in my heart. I mean, if someone had told Stan Lee in 1932 (or thereabouts) that one day the characters he created would be earning billions of dollars he might have collapsed.
I mean, anything is possible, right?
Dream, Emperors. The world is ours.
Fall in love with summer in the spring;
Fall for a girl who has everything
See; I did that just for the sake of a rhyme
Ain’t too much sense to be found in my lines
Winter is nothing but wind in December after all
Find a girl who has what you want; have a ball
Life is really short dear friends; no dey dull
Ain’t too much sense in my lines; I concur
Conformed to the error of fixed lives I murmur –
Kicking against walls in a term-bound structure
Reality tears holes in my fabric; have to find suture
Ain’t too much sense in my lines; don’t venture
Too far in – I’m swinging swayed; IMAGINE!
Faring well indeed – but it’s reality I’m fearing
Wayfaring – searching for the next adventure…
Ain’t too much sense in my lines – told ya.