We, the people of Atlantis would like to share our thoughts on the movie Aquaman.
First of all – congratulations to DC for finally making a movie that makes it into the billion-dollar range. CONGRATULATIONS. We’re happy for you – even though you made it by creating an Atlantis VERY DIFFERENT from the one we live in.
Now congratulations are out of the way, let’s get down to it.
Queen Atlanna was the most realistic of all the people who supposedly come from Atlantis – though, swallowing goldfish? Really, ‘Queen’?
But we’ll let that pass.
You should wonder though – right after us, what it took exactly for the runway queen to fall in love with the lighthouse keeper. Was it because she had never seen a man before? Wait; supposedly there are males who look exactly like that in that Atlantis. Was she trying to shame the Atlantean king she was arranged to marry – or was it just ‘woman’s intuition’ that guided her to him – after all, they were destined to parent a fishboy?
As an aside – she didn’t run very far, did she? Ran all the way from Atlantis – only to stop at a lighthouse right at shore. Not very queenly – by our standards, at least.
And the child who would be king – what exactly is his ‘why’? He carries the guilt of being the reason his mother was sacrificed – but that’s about it. Everything else he carries is on the outside – tattoos and a six-pack that makes him look like he could out-superman Superman – and no kidding. We saw that movie too.
By the way, this child who would be king could NEVER be a king of ours. Why, you ask? Well, you have to wonder why a supposed king would know his way around Atlantis in one movie (Justice League actually) and suddenly need help in another movie. Could it be the alcohol?
And oh, we get the ‘Arthur’ narrative – but making him journey to earth’s core to pull a sword (well, trident, same difference) out of stone (a dead king’s grip) to prove his kingship – come on. Is originality still a thing up there?
We guess not, seeing how this story is just many parts Black Panther, many parts Thor and so on. Let us not even talk about the redhead whose job it is to show this wannabe king just how inept he is. So what exactly qualifies him to be king? Birthright?
Still, there is a lot to like. Down here, our opinions differ on certain parts of the movie. I like the detailing – like how Mera’s ceremonial dress was made of jellyfish and seagrass. I mean, an octopus as a ceremonial drummer?! Sign me up!
But not all of us feel like that.
Some of us feel like the colors were garish and over-bright and that you have NO IDEA what Atlantis is supposed to look like. The computer-generated fish and lobsters are icky. Maybe, but I understand the need. I mean, what else could you have done?
The bad guy, Orm is more like we would expect our king to be; decisive, strong and bold – and completely in the right. Of course, we expect you surface dwellers to disagree; after all it is your world he is threatening. However, consider this; if you’re not stopped, all of sea life is in jeopardy. How hard a choice is it to make then?
Though, for the record, we all laughed when he said ‘no, don’t call me king. I am Ocean Master’. Yeah, alright.
The second bad guy – Black Manta too stole our hearts. But did he have to look like a manta? No offense – it is hard to take anyone in that kind of helmet serious. Even he kept mumbling his name – but his performance was – .
Your actor, Mamoa would have been better suited playing that white-faced bounty hunter, Lobo who lives for the fight. There’s nothing royal about this upstart, hardly anything Atlantean about him either – except that he can talk to fish and glide under water. And also, it was good seeing Wilhelm Dafoe on the side of the angels again (John Wick, anyone?) – but he is quite wasted in the role, as is Nicole Kidman, our beloved (insert underwater snort here) queen.
We like Mera – even though we thought she is the token ‘strong woman’, and we also think it is cute how she goes from all-savvy Atlantean to out-of-her-depth Atlantean. I mean, eating roses?
Yuck. And the ‘romance’ with Arthur? That shit looked like it belongs in Zee World.
All in all, a thoroughly entertaining movie which stayed mostly true to its source – which; as I explained over and over to my fellow Atlanteans; are comics, and not home.
The lights come on, and there’s a girl in a rumpled choir gown singing ‘Hallelujah’. As her singing reaches its climax, she throws off the gown to reveal the body of a lingerie model, clad in an outfit designed to make a stripper blush.
And that is our introduction to Joy Isi Bewaji’s SATAN: A Dark Comedy, a play which, at its worst is a laughter-filled thrill ride, and at its best, is a thought-provoking, humor-filled satire. Written and directed (her debut) by Joy herself, it is a lean (the play clocks at around 40 minutes) but loaded production.
‘Resist the devil and he will flee from you’ seems to be the theme Joy wants the viewer to take away. Right away, we are presented with a lamenting ‘devil’ who relishes the opportunity to finally share his side of the story. And then, he goes on about his business, never making anyone do anything – just giving ‘helpful’ suggestions and nudging them in the way they ALWAYS wanted to go.
There’s the adulterer who, when confronted with Jesus’ name comes up, says ‘Jesus?! He was never married! What does he know about women, lust and love?!’ There’s the wife who continually skabashes – and yet a loud noise is enough to send her scampering for safety. There’s the ‘ambitious’ lady who, after being passed over at the office decides to take a more direct approach – basically, a montage of the everyman and the things he struggles with. The laughs come steady and without fluff or emphasis, the dialogue, though long at times, is completely natural.
The thing about the stage is it’s a raw, honest medium that doesn’t cover for any thespian. There are no special effects or retakes or special editing sessions where mistakes are hidden behind camera angles, and poor delivery is made up for with redubs. Also, unlike the big screen, on stage the feedback is immediate. It’s clear if the play has the crowd or not, what went wrong and at what point it did. More often than not, the weight of the work rests on the shoulders of the actors – and, they can make or mar a production.
The cast of Satan come with their A-game, or at least they did for the performance I witnessed. It took a bit, for some reason they were somewhat dull at the beginning – but they quickly got into their groove and delivered a stellar performance. High up on the list is Satan himself, seducing and suggesting and singing and moaning and sighing and ranting with a flair that echoes everything we know about the character he plays – whether fiction or fact. The other actors too give him great material to bounce off, and their expressions are a joy to watch.
Joy’s innate fearlessness shines through in her choice of theme, dialogue – even down to some costume choices. Her directing is brave and confrontational – and even though one may wonder if the struggle between good and evil for the soul of man can be narrowed down to logic and choice, the play is strong enough to encourage wondering.
And though some of the cast were a bit extra with the acting in a couple of scenes, though some of them spoke with weird accents initially, though the light guy dozed off at points; leaving the lights on when they were supposed to be off, watching Satan: A Dark Comedy was a worthy experience. One I intend to repeat come Sunday – and this time, with a bunch of friends.
I suggest you do too.
Peep the flyer below to catch the next show times.
I want to do small aproko and talk about nudes.
As of this morning, I have yet to ask a woman (or a man for that matter) for nudes. Not because I’m a prude or anything close; after all my love for strippers is the stuff of legends, but because I don’t see the point.
They say men are visual beings. I’d say humans are. In other words, we are led by what we see – usually. I’d like to add a small caveat; moreso what we don’t – can’t see.
See, there’s a reason the show ends moments after the stripper is naked. The point has been made, move along, nothing more to see here – because, as it is in life, the journey is the focus, not the destination. It’s not as though the naked body is not an optical delight; not a lot of things illustrate God’s artistic side like the mountains and valleys and shades and hues of the human physique…
Yet, the purpose of a ‘nude’ is to suggest, to tease – not to satisfy.
Don’t do all the wahala. Leave a little something for the mind to nibble at, to work on. Imagination is stronger than reality, and in the words of the first ever stripper;
Less is more.
Good morning, fellow freaks.
A few minutes into my birthday, I started to feel hungry.
I remembered buying a scotched egg earlier in the day, so I scrambled around my room till I found it. As soon as I did, I popped it into the microwave and set the timer to one minute.
And then, I continued to watch the cartoon I was.
A few seconds later, I was startled from my seat by a mini explosion from the microwave. For a few moments I was confused – and then, I realized what happened.
A few months ago, I bought an eggroll from a spot in my neighborhood. I got home and heated it with the microwave and settled down to eat it. I took a bite – and the egg exploded in my mouth. I shit you not.
For days, I walked around with raw lips. I couldn’t close my mouth completely; I couldn’t eat.
But I could drink. And I drank. A lot.
Of Monster; that is.
Anyways, I opened the microwave and the egg was splattered across the four corners of it. I gently closed it once again and sat at my computer once more.
I tell that story to say this; I’m thankful.
I look back and think how far I’ve come. Been through my shares of downs; nights I didn’t want to wake in the morning. The mountains are more than the valleys these days – and I’m really thankful. Really.
I’m just a guy from around the way – yet the way you people treat me, I start to think I’m some kind of a big deal. Don’t get it twisted; I see these things. I try not to forget who I am; I try not to let it get to my head.
‘See the same sword the knight you/’s the same one they gon’ goodnight you with’.
Jay Z said that.
Look, I’m nowhere near where I want to be. But I’m nowhere near where I was, and it’s because I; among other things, have some of the best people in the world rooting for me.
How can I miss with that?
Thank you for your kind words. Thank you for your support and love. Thank you for the inspiration. Thank you for celebrating me and with me for years and years.
And oh, in case you missed the morale of the ‘Tale of the Scotched Egg’, this is it: imagine the egg had exploded in my belly. On my birthday morning.
No be my village pipo go get the credit?
Ant Man and The Wasp is a ‘chilling’ kind of movie.
The type of movie that puts the ‘chill’ in ‘Netflix and you-know-what’. The kind of movie to be watched on a Saturday evening between Premier League matches. The kind of movie you watch with your special someone, just holding each other.
Nobody’s here to save the world; we have Tony ‘Stank’ and the bearded Captain and ‘The Blek Pentha’ and Odinson and the Widow who was never married and the Scarlet flyer and – we have them for all that.
We’re not that ambitious. We’re just trying to remind you of the things we mere mortals care about. Like love. And family. And loyalty. And faith. And how children are little blessings – whether male, female or confused. And how love, faith and hope, and of these three…
It’s the kind of movie that reminds you why it’s important to always do the right thing – no matter how unsure you are. The kind of movie that shows you how it is possible; despite all your good intentions, to be the bad guy in someone else’s story. And that’s okay.
It’s okay, because you won’t answer to them anyway. You’re responsible to yourself and to God – if you believe in that – and really, that’s all that matters. As long as you can look yourself in the eye and know; in the most secret places of your heart, that ‘I did what I thought was the best thing’.
Last last, we go dey alright.
Ant Man and The Wasp is the kind of movie you watch with your significant other, who can make cold akara taste like manna from heaven just because you’re eating it from his/her hand. It’s the kind of movie that makes you look them in the eye and remember all the things that made him/her/them your special someone. It’s the kind of movie that makes our great Nollywood write shit like ‘nine months later’ on the TV screen.
DISCLAIMER: Oga/Madam, if you’re single, don’t go to the cinema to watch it o. Stay in your house, or ask Google where it is showing online. It’s for your own protection o.
I’m not even playing. Some guy nearly got himself slapped yesterday because he had forgotten he was single, and in one particular tense moment, grabbed the nearest someone – who happened to be somebody else’s special someone.
DISCLAIMER 2: If you were screaming during the high-octane scenes of the Fast and The Furious, if you like high-stakes adrenaline movies, this one IS NOT for you.
Stay in your house.
First Review of this work…ENJOY!!!
RED OCTOBER #1
Written by Sewedo Nupowaku, Seun Odukoya and Hannu Afere.
Line Art by Babajide Briggs Adebimpe
Colours by Toyin Adetumobi, Amadi Chigozie, Tarella Pablo, Michael Balogun, Jeffery Oyem and Waliu Edu
The Cover art by Babajide Briggs Adebimpe, Oladejo Kazeem and Babajide Olusanya
Sewedo Nupowaku is a long member and friend of the Comics Meltdown. He has always been known to endorse great comics and to rave on great art. When we heard last year that he was creating his own comic, we were aware it would not be anything but a masterpiece.
Come June, 2018, he and his team on the Hyperdrive released Red October, a story of intrigue, history & action woven with African lore into a Nigerian Story. The comics sets a pretty high standard from the get go in its plotting and story sequence. Creating a scenery for a high level of intricate story…
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Imagine you had a terrible fight with your significant other yesterday.
Imagine the fight was over something insignificant – but it was so bad the both of you said things you know well enough should never be said between acquaintances – how much more, lovers.
Both of you stormed away, agreeing for once after three hours of yelling that you were not working so it’s time to give it a rest. Of course, there was a little hurt in your chest area – but you didn’t care. That’s how disrespect starts in a relationship, you tell yourself.
Better to end it now.
Hours and a few drinks later, you have clarity you didn’t have in the heat of the moment. And then, it occurs to you you may have overreacted. You shouldn’t have said those things you said – more so because you didn’t mean them. You were just trying to hurt like you were being hurt.
So, you pick up the phone and call the most familiar number in the world. Your breath hitches as it starts to ring – and then, it’s suddenly unavailable. And so it is for the next one thousand and one times you try. In frustration you hurl your Techno Phantom into the wall and crawl onto your bed.
Tomorrow is another day.
Only – there’s no tomorrow – not for the both of you. You wake up hours later to the news of an exploded tanker and tens of cars caught up in the inferno. You grab your half-blind phone and hurry to Instagram – and it’s worse than you could have imagined. And then, shock turns to horror as you realize…
The one person you would have mourned with was in the blaze. And the last words y’all shared were not the kindest.
The phone drops from your shaking hand and lands facedown, completing it’s demise.
But you don’t notice. The last few hours play over and over in your mind…and suddenly, you begin to laugh. Crazy, maniacal laughter bounces off the walls of your room and vibrate against your ears.
However, you don’t notice.
Truth is, you’re probably past noticing anything.
Life is short. Make peace.
#NigerianLivesMatter #OtedolaTragedy #RestInPeaceToAll #BlackWeek #MourningAllDay