We, the people of Atlantis would like to share our thoughts on the movie Aquaman.
First of all – congratulations to DC for finally making a movie that makes it into the billion-dollar range. CONGRATULATIONS. We’re happy for you – even though you made it by creating an Atlantis VERY DIFFERENT from the one we live in.
Now congratulations are out of the way, let’s get down to it.
Queen Atlanna was the most realistic of all the people who supposedly come from Atlantis – though, swallowing goldfish? Really, ‘Queen’?
But we’ll let that pass.
You should wonder though – right after us, what it took exactly for the runway queen to fall in love with the lighthouse keeper. Was it because she had never seen a man before? Wait; supposedly there are males who look exactly like that in that Atlantis. Was she trying to shame the Atlantean king she was arranged to marry – or was it just ‘woman’s intuition’ that guided her to him – after all, they were destined to parent a fishboy?
As an aside – she didn’t run very far, did she? Ran all the way from Atlantis – only to stop at a lighthouse right at shore. Not very queenly – by our standards, at least.
And the child who would be king – what exactly is his ‘why’? He carries the guilt of being the reason his mother was sacrificed – but that’s about it. Everything else he carries is on the outside – tattoos and a six-pack that makes him look like he could out-superman Superman – and no kidding. We saw that movie too.
By the way, this child who would be king could NEVER be a king of ours. Why, you ask? Well, you have to wonder why a supposed king would know his way around Atlantis in one movie (Justice League actually) and suddenly need help in another movie. Could it be the alcohol?
And oh, we get the ‘Arthur’ narrative – but making him journey to earth’s core to pull a sword (well, trident, same difference) out of stone (a dead king’s grip) to prove his kingship – come on. Is originality still a thing up there?
We guess not, seeing how this story is just many parts Black Panther, many parts Thor and so on. Let us not even talk about the redhead whose job it is to show this wannabe king just how inept he is. So what exactly qualifies him to be king? Birthright?
Still, there is a lot to like. Down here, our opinions differ on certain parts of the movie. I like the detailing – like how Mera’s ceremonial dress was made of jellyfish and seagrass. I mean, an octopus as a ceremonial drummer?! Sign me up!
But not all of us feel like that.
Some of us feel like the colors were garish and over-bright and that you have NO IDEA what Atlantis is supposed to look like. The computer-generated fish and lobsters are icky. Maybe, but I understand the need. I mean, what else could you have done?
The bad guy, Orm is more like we would expect our king to be; decisive, strong and bold – and completely in the right. Of course, we expect you surface dwellers to disagree; after all it is your world he is threatening. However, consider this; if you’re not stopped, all of sea life is in jeopardy. How hard a choice is it to make then?
Though, for the record, we all laughed when he said ‘no, don’t call me king. I am Ocean Master’. Yeah, alright.
The second bad guy – Black Manta too stole our hearts. But did he have to look like a manta? No offense – it is hard to take anyone in that kind of helmet serious. Even he kept mumbling his name – but his performance was – .
Your actor, Mamoa would have been better suited playing that white-faced bounty hunter, Lobo who lives for the fight. There’s nothing royal about this upstart, hardly anything Atlantean about him either – except that he can talk to fish and glide under water. And also, it was good seeing Wilhelm Dafoe on the side of the angels again (John Wick, anyone?) – but he is quite wasted in the role, as is Nicole Kidman, our beloved (insert underwater snort here) queen.
We like Mera – even though we thought she is the token ‘strong woman’, and we also think it is cute how she goes from all-savvy Atlantean to out-of-her-depth Atlantean. I mean, eating roses?
Yuck. And the ‘romance’ with Arthur? That shit looked like it belongs in Zee World.
All in all, a thoroughly entertaining movie which stayed mostly true to its source – which; as I explained over and over to my fellow Atlanteans; are comics, and not home.
The lights come on, and there’s a girl in a rumpled choir gown singing ‘Hallelujah’. As her singing reaches its climax, she throws off the gown to reveal the body of a lingerie model, clad in an outfit designed to make a stripper blush.
And that is our introduction to Joy Isi Bewaji’s SATAN: A Dark Comedy, a play which, at its worst is a laughter-filled thrill ride, and at its best, is a thought-provoking, humor-filled satire. Written and directed (her debut) by Joy herself, it is a lean (the play clocks at around 40 minutes) but loaded production.
‘Resist the devil and he will flee from you’ seems to be the theme Joy wants the viewer to take away. Right away, we are presented with a lamenting ‘devil’ who relishes the opportunity to finally share his side of the story. And then, he goes on about his business, never making anyone do anything – just giving ‘helpful’ suggestions and nudging them in the way they ALWAYS wanted to go.
There’s the adulterer who, when confronted with Jesus’ name comes up, says ‘Jesus?! He was never married! What does he know about women, lust and love?!’ There’s the wife who continually skabashes – and yet a loud noise is enough to send her scampering for safety. There’s the ‘ambitious’ lady who, after being passed over at the office decides to take a more direct approach – basically, a montage of the everyman and the things he struggles with. The laughs come steady and without fluff or emphasis, the dialogue, though long at times, is completely natural.
The thing about the stage is it’s a raw, honest medium that doesn’t cover for any thespian. There are no special effects or retakes or special editing sessions where mistakes are hidden behind camera angles, and poor delivery is made up for with redubs. Also, unlike the big screen, on stage the feedback is immediate. It’s clear if the play has the crowd or not, what went wrong and at what point it did. More often than not, the weight of the work rests on the shoulders of the actors – and, they can make or mar a production.
The cast of Satan come with their A-game, or at least they did for the performance I witnessed. It took a bit, for some reason they were somewhat dull at the beginning – but they quickly got into their groove and delivered a stellar performance. High up on the list is Satan himself, seducing and suggesting and singing and moaning and sighing and ranting with a flair that echoes everything we know about the character he plays – whether fiction or fact. The other actors too give him great material to bounce off, and their expressions are a joy to watch.
Joy’s innate fearlessness shines through in her choice of theme, dialogue – even down to some costume choices. Her directing is brave and confrontational – and even though one may wonder if the struggle between good and evil for the soul of man can be narrowed down to logic and choice, the play is strong enough to encourage wondering.
And though some of the cast were a bit extra with the acting in a couple of scenes, though some of them spoke with weird accents initially, though the light guy dozed off at points; leaving the lights on when they were supposed to be off, watching Satan: A Dark Comedy was a worthy experience. One I intend to repeat come Sunday – and this time, with a bunch of friends.
I suggest you do too.
Peep the flyer below to catch the next show times.
Ant Man and The Wasp is a ‘chilling’ kind of movie.
The type of movie that puts the ‘chill’ in ‘Netflix and you-know-what’. The kind of movie to be watched on a Saturday evening between Premier League matches. The kind of movie you watch with your special someone, just holding each other.
Nobody’s here to save the world; we have Tony ‘Stank’ and the bearded Captain and ‘The Blek Pentha’ and Odinson and the Widow who was never married and the Scarlet flyer and – we have them for all that.
We’re not that ambitious. We’re just trying to remind you of the things we mere mortals care about. Like love. And family. And loyalty. And faith. And how children are little blessings – whether male, female or confused. And how love, faith and hope, and of these three…
It’s the kind of movie that reminds you why it’s important to always do the right thing – no matter how unsure you are. The kind of movie that shows you how it is possible; despite all your good intentions, to be the bad guy in someone else’s story. And that’s okay.
It’s okay, because you won’t answer to them anyway. You’re responsible to yourself and to God – if you believe in that – and really, that’s all that matters. As long as you can look yourself in the eye and know; in the most secret places of your heart, that ‘I did what I thought was the best thing’.
Last last, we go dey alright.
Ant Man and The Wasp is the kind of movie you watch with your significant other, who can make cold akara taste like manna from heaven just because you’re eating it from his/her hand. It’s the kind of movie that makes you look them in the eye and remember all the things that made him/her/them your special someone. It’s the kind of movie that makes our great Nollywood write shit like ‘nine months later’ on the TV screen.
DISCLAIMER: Oga/Madam, if you’re single, don’t go to the cinema to watch it o. Stay in your house, or ask Google where it is showing online. It’s for your own protection o.
I’m not even playing. Some guy nearly got himself slapped yesterday because he had forgotten he was single, and in one particular tense moment, grabbed the nearest someone – who happened to be somebody else’s special someone.
DISCLAIMER 2: If you were screaming during the high-octane scenes of the Fast and The Furious, if you like high-stakes adrenaline movies, this one IS NOT for you.
Stay in your house.
Ten years in the making. Ten years in the waiting.
Is it worth it?
Well…630 million dollars (as of this morning) would say so!
From the moment Robert Downey Jr. donned the Iron Man suit, we’ve been made to feel like this is the moment we’ve been waiting for – even though that isn’t true. However, it could be because that 2008 movie marked the first time an Iron-suited Avenger would appear on the big screen – but that wasn’t the biggest clue.
The biggest tip was a certain post-credit scene.
Anyways, after 18 films and roughly 114/15 billion dollars in profit on a 3.7 or billion budget, Marvel decides to bring their 10-year plan to a climax.
Roll out the drums for Avengers: Infinity War.
It’s simple really. Uncle Big-Bad Thanos who spent the last 10 years (or 18 films, depending on how you look at it) sending acolytes to gather the Infinity Stones finally decides it’s time to step up to the plate and serve himself. Or, as he so clearly put it in the Age of Ultron post-credit scene, ‘If you want something done right, you have to do it yourself’. So he decides to go around the galaxy to gather the stones and then, right the scales of reality – a task he elected to do himself – or at least, with help from his genetically enhanced alien henchmen The Black Order (Proxima Midnight, Ebony Maw (the talkative), Cull Obsidian & Curvus Glaive – read a comic!).
What follows is a throw down of galactic proportions.
Random strands of events conspire to bring our heroes together and splitting them in two factions – Iron Man, Dr. Strange, Guardians of the Galaxy, Spider Man on one team, Steve Rogers, Bruce Banner, Black Panther, Scarlett not-so-witchy Witch, Vision, Okoye, Black Widow, Falcon in another. Together, they form the resistance trying to stop Thanos from his goal – annihilation of half the galaxy’s population – one team engaging with him directly, the other team trying to stop him from getting the last stone.
How well that went is anyone’s guess.
For me, Thanos was the show-stealer here. I remember watching an interview in which Josh Brolin, the man who did voice and motion capture for the huge titan and also plays Cable in the coming Deadpool 2 said he had more fun playing Thanos than Cable. It took seeing this movie for me to understand and agree with that sentiment. As far as bad guys go, Thanos makes a compelling argument for the award for The Best Villain In Comic Movies. Personally, only one villain outshines him –
Again; your guess.
Of the many, many things to like in this movie, how everything came together is the best part for me. The Thor, Loki, Hulk, Heimdall narrative was well done and compelling as an opener and a setup for what was to come – but even then, nothing can prepare you.
The cast inhabit their characters well, as much as I dislike Elizabeth Olsen’s Wanda, she had a more prominent role than usual – and that was good for her. It was nice to see the Captain not be in uniform and yet, never more ‘captain’ than in his moments. I wanted more of a reunion between Black Widow and you-know-who – but I didn’t get it. Time?
Of course, Downey’s Stark is still quite an important part of the whole thing – and never more important than when Strange surrenders something and his only explanation is ‘There was no other way’. If you can’t work it out yourself, chill. I got you – shortly.
I also liked seeing Tom Holland more as Spidey than Peter. I have made it clear before; his Peter Parker doesn’t much work for me, but his Spider Man, the tiny hero with the heart of gold who always tries to do what’s right – he is a winner. Check out the Iron Spider suit!!!
One of the things that irks me about Marvel movies is how sometimes they try to retain the character’s comic truth – but can’t be bothered to put it in the narrative so they mention it in passing.
Case in point: Gammora.
Through the first two Guardians movies and even now, in Infinity War, we’re constantly beaten over the head with how she is ‘the most ferocious woman in the galaxy’ and in the comics, this was/is true. Gammora’s exploits are the stuff of legend. Can you say the same for the movie version? She doesn’t even appear particularly skilled in fighting! I understand the need to power down most of the movie versions of these characters – but power them down and shut the fuck up! They kept referring to her as that, and yet in the movies her sister Nebula is more fierce than she is.
Anyways, I doubt I need to tell you this movie is a must-watch. While there’s so much you’ll have to wait a year for closure on, go ahead. Be entertained.
And then, get yourself the stone of patience. A year is a long wait.
Yup. No ‘stone of patience’. I just made that up.
Have an Infinite-Goodness week!
*I don’t own copyright on any of the images. They belong to each of the respective copyright holders.
So I have not been writing reviews for a minute.
I’m busy. So much so.
But I haven’t exactly abandoned my second first love. I still see movies as often as I can, as much as I can.
Having said all of that, I won’t be writing detailed reviews like usual – at least, not for this one because of the volume of stuff I need to get through. But I will do enough so you can decide to enjoy or pass on any of the three following:
- New Money
Not a bad movie – which is to say it isn’t all that great. The lead actress, young cutie Jemima Osunde who apparently is a Shuga star as well (sorry, don’t know much about these things) gives a strong performance as a girl who finds out she’s the daughter of a multi-millionaire CEO who passes before he can do more than touch her cheek. He leaves a video message – and more or less bequeaths the entire chain of companies to her. Falz is the hungry boyfriend who sees all the advantages of dating a naïve girl with a good heart.
As a side note, that faux Yoruba accent thing Falz does is borderline annoying at this point. Sure, Folarin is an amazing actor. I just think he would fare better in serious roles. His jokes as Kwan, the main character’s primary love interest (oh, she has secondary and tertiary love interests; just watch) were not amusing in the least – though there were people laughing in the cinema.
Kate Henshaw is her mother, a struggling, kind woman who owns a restaurant and seems to never be out of depth. Dakore is the official wife who can’t have kids of her own – you see where this is headed, right?
Some other supporting characters gave brilliant performances, and shone whenever they were on screen. Jemima, in my opinion, has a bright career ahead of her. She did well.
A fairly predictable film, it does have flashes of brilliance but not enough to take it into ‘amazing’ or ‘breathtaking’ space. Still worth a watch if you have nothing better to do.
2. Suicide Squad: Hell To Pay Animated Movie
As usual, there’s another mission for Task Force X. However, there are a couple of twists to this one. First is the lineup. We have the usual suspects (well, usual for 2016 moviegoers) Deadshot, Harley Quinn, Captain Boomerang – and then we have a throwback from the original comics’ lineup, Bronze Tiger and then, we have Copperhead, thrown in for some reason, and then Killer Frost.
The story is as usual – get something done for Amanda Waller who, in this incarnation has lost quite a bit of weight and looks more like her DCU counterpart as played by Viola Davis. However, she didn’t lose all that weight because she was weight-watching; she lost it because she’s sick and dying. She needs some insurance – and therefore, the Squad is out on the road again.
It’s an interesting one; the Deadshot here is somber, calm and world-weary. Bronze Tiger is the one character who believes in a higher power and refuses to work with killers and criminals. Harley Quinn, who is a much-beloved character of mine, is disappointingly under-utilized here.
She provides comic relief is all.
A lot of DC characters show up, Vertigo, Punch and Judy, Vandal Savage, Professor Pyg, Scandal Savage, Knockout, Zoom, Silver Banshee, Blockbuster – all appear at some point, and yet manages to clutter up or slow down the movie. It’s not great great – but it’s a fun watch and waaaaaaay better than the live-action movie.
Not in cinemas – and I can’t share my copy. Sorry.
3. Tomb Raider
If you are old enough to have seen the original Tomb Raider, you probably will remember her as a sexy heroine in bum shorts who never looks flustered or stressed – no matter what is going on around her. Better yet, if you are old enough to have seen the original movie and played the game, you would have realized some things didn’t ring true for Angelina Jolie’s portrayal.
Like how she could take a mud bath and emerge without a hair out of place. Like how she manages to look sensual no matter what (this quality is one I feel distracted a lot from her tremendous acting ability) I watched the movies and I hated them – because they looked nothing like the Lara Croft I saw in the games.
And then, Alicia Vikander was cast as the new Lara Croft.
I had hopes. While I wasn’t exactly a fan of Vikander’s, I knew it was going to be a departure from the slinky sexuality of Jolie’s Croft. And that I looked forward to.
In that regard, I wasn’t disappointed. This Lara’s physicality is imposing – if exaggerated at some point. She’s just starting out; so there are several skill gaps but all of those details come together to give (me at least) a heartwarming viewing. The story and plot were choppy and reminiscent of several similar movies, the villain was just there, someone to provide a foil to Lara’s ambitions – but the character; Lara herself shows so much promise. I want to believe the next film will be the bomb. I believe so strongly.
Worth a watch. Beware; however, you might nod off in the middle.
Well. I hope I have done justice to these films. Have you seen any of them? What do you think? Please let me know!
There’s the thing about rap – rap; not the inaudible ramblings that pass for it these days – it has power. Power; in that words that may or may not hold much significance individually become a pledge, an oath, a promise, a threat – whatever the wordsmith intended the listener to feel, when strung together in a witty and interesting way.
And, in the immortal words of Uncle Ben, or Stan Lee, as the case may be –
With great power –
You know the rest.
Psalmurai is a rapper cut from the same cloth that birthed folks like Nas, Killah Priest, Mode9, KRS ONE and a few others. An understanding that words hold power, and therefore wordsmiths hold a responsibility to their listeners. If you’ve ever listened to anything this MC put out, the first thing that strikes you is how serious he takes his craft.
Starting out as a member of The Kalifate; now rebranded as The Brand, Psalmurai has been putting out solo work for a minute. From the critically acclaimed mixtape Grind Finale to the consistent yearly Wrap Up series (dropping since 2006) listeners have come to expect pure rhymes from this young MC.
And he’s yet to disappoint.
Continuing the pattern of consistency is the latest entry in his catalogue; BLTN an acronym which stands for Better Late Than Never. Seven tracks long, tanking at twenty-six minutes, the tape is produced by MHP, a South-Africa based producer. On the first two tracks, MHP’s XYZ (super-producer, best known for his collaborative album with the great Mode9) influence is apparent – but MHP takes it a notch higher by taking the sound and making it distinctively his. Psalmurai’s bars are sharp and nimble as ever, as he spits on the opening track Dusk To Dawn;
Now do I gotta say I’m from the projects?
Or the ghetto in the beast like the Loch Ness?
Chick in stilettos selling sex for a lot less
Sex-working or walking around jobless
But God bless
Not my defense but offence
I’m breaking down the metal gates and the tall fence
Got nothing but smart men in my circumference
And I got what it takes to excite your girlfriend
The feel of the project is introspective; he’s getting on the title track BLTN he goes;
My resolve; praise the Lord God daily
RIP to the late great Marcus Garvey
Who gave you the right, the robe and gravel to judge
We all equal under God and gravel nigga that’s deep
Six feet precisely
And then….he goes on further:
Better late than sorry
I’ll rather say never
Instead of sounding stupid
I’d rather sound clever
But if I sound stupid to make a point
The wise can play the fool but –
Not vice versa
He aight – what is missing is the essence
The new school cool – what is missing is the lessons
I want Kalifa high, DJ Khaled blessings
But before God bless us – first He gon’ test us
There’s a confidence in Psalmurai’s delivery; he’s basically a ronin walking down a familiar path. For old listeners, it’s a known journey, for new listeners it’s a proper introduction. On Django, he’s does a bit of battling – all the time reminding his audience of his authenticity. And then, the tape kind of switches to the b-side, which has Psalmurai dabbling with some issues and storytelling.
On Single, he balances rhyming with objectivity about the pressure the sexes go through:
She got it, yeah yeah she got it
Front to back she got – she a goddess
Mulatto got me hooked to be honest
She fine you cannot be fine beyond this
More stairs no; skyscraper
Oh boy! She’s been single for the longest
Like a thousand men, trying to date her
Makes it hard to pick and choose who the one is
She fine; ah-yeah yeah she the finest
Broke niggas too broke for her highness
Rich not rich enough for her highness
That is not the facts now let me digress
Rhymes like that is what is missing from rap these days; thought-provoking, challenging and memorable words. Words that create pictures that linger in the mind – long after the record has stopped spinning.
NHICT (No Heroes In Capetown) is the story of the search for greener pastures; a story that ends sourly for our lead character, Johnny who falls victim to Xenophobia.
Traveler is a chronicle of Psalm’s journey; how far he’s come and how he moves in his mind. Maka drops a stirring hook that makes me feel as though they need to collaborate more. Posse Cut has a number of rappers dropping bars that, while lackluster in points, are strong enough to round off the project.
BLTN is a strong entry into a genre that is going through an evolution; recreating itself for an audience with less and less of an attention span. I believe in Psalmurai.
And if you enjoy rap, you should too.
Visit: https://soundcloud.com/psalmurai to listen to and download BLTN.
There’s a reason I don’t read reviews before seeing the movie.
At the end of the day, a critic is still human. And even though he/she is a human supposedly tempered by years of experience, personal bias still comes to play sometimes. However, someone with contrary views should still be able to agree with the critic – because criticism is not art. It is – or should be science – to a certain extent.
For example, we all agree that Beyonce is a beautiful woman. I don’t have to be Jay – Z to know that. What we may disagree on, is how beautiful she is. But to call Beyonce ugly is to talk out of your ass.
I said all of that to say this; Justice League is a solid film.
After four mostly tepid films (Wonder Woman was/is seriously overrated), DCU had to pull out all the stops – including hiring Avengers/MCU alumni Joss Whedon to finish the film and direct some reshoots after Snyder had to step away due to a family tragedy. Though, I honestly cannot say they actually ‘pulled out all the stops’, this movie is a huge leap forward for the franchise.
We know the story. ‘Inspired by Superman’s selfless sacrifice (yada yada yada) Batman decides to recruit a team to protect a humanity he suddenly has restored hope in’.
Very boring premise if you ask me – but it was somewhat justified.
The opening sequences were taken adapted from the animated movie Justice League War which in turn was inspired by Jim Lee’s New 52 Justice League comic. Batman stops a criminal and is interrupted by a parademon, one of Steppenwolf’s (or Darkseid, depending on who you ask) minions who can smell fear. Batman stops said minion who then self-destructs. The criminal then asks Batman, ‘The world is going crazy. It’s because of him, right? Because he’s gone? Where does that leave us?’ or words to that effect. It’s a sentence that hits Batman enough to make him leave the criminal he stopped and swing off.
From then, we see Wonder Woman stop a terrorist attack – and here is my first, personal issue with the movie; Wonder Woman is suddenly super-fast. Speed has never been one of Wonder Woman’s strengths – though it only makes sense since she’s fast enough to catch/deflect bullets. But her doing things that are best left for Flash – well.
Speaking of, Ezra Miller couldn’t have been better cast. His awkwardness and eagerness rounds off the team perfectly, though he came across as overdoing it sometimes. But he owns several high points of the movie.
Cyborg was mostly a tepid character; he looked good until he stepped out of the hoodie and into his metal shell. For a movie that cost so much to make, you would expect them to get his armor right. I mean, they could have built him rubber suits kinda like Iron Man, no? But no. They had to go full CGI.
That is the same thing that ruined the villain, Uncle Steppenwolf. He would have totally rocked as a bad guy but for the complete CGI thing that ruined him visually. He looked like a prop and talked like a dummy. Ugh.
Superman was brought in as the deux ex machina – but somehow it works. I hated the fact that they killed Supes in his second movie, something we had to wait for 50 years to actually happen in the comics, and then, they brought him back before we had a chance to catch our breaths. But somehow, it works.
The best part however, is the Superman who came back. The character has gone through some growth since we met him in Man of Steel nine years ago (time flies don’t it?), and is starting to look and sound more like the Superman we know and love (or not; depending on who you ask). Though with Henry Cavill’s wooden face, I don’t have a lot of hope there. Still. Also, if you notice there’s something wrong with Cavill’s mouth, it’s because there’s something wrong with Cavill’s mouth. He’s on Mission Impossible 6, and apparently his character has a beard there and he could not shave. Guess what they did?
They CGI’d a mouth and nose on him. GROSS.
Gal Gadot rocked. And despite the intentional toning down of Batman’s awesomeness to accommodate the other guys, there was still enough of him to make me want to see the stand alone Batman film – and to see Affleck play him some more. There was just enough to show why Bats is still the greatest hero ever – simply because he is always ten steps ahead.
Don’t take my word for it. Watch the damn movie.
Jason Mamoa is a pretty sweet Aquaman. Amber Heard is a formidable Mera – and I honestly look forward to the solo fish-man film. I’m not so sure Ezra Miller’s strong enough to hold down a solo Flash movie – but I’ve been wrong before.
We’ll just have to wait and see.
By all means, watch Justice League in the cinemas – and see to it that you sit through the credits. There are two post credit scenes just like Marvel – and one of them involves my second-favorite DC character; a certain mercenary. DOPE.
Also, watch for the Green Lantern cameos.