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Breaking Spaghetti or Not.

 

I was thinking yesterday (yes; I think ONLY once a week, you should try it!) about how I usually learn my biggest life lessons through happenstance.

This particular story happened while I was in the university – part three to be exact. I had this housemate who was brainy – so brainy; he taught ALL the females in his department. I did think it was strange his brain only had an affinity for teaching females – but what do I know?
Anyways, the afternoon this thing I’m about to tell you about happened, I was home, hungry and, looking through the house, I saw I had stew. Spaghetti’s easy to cook, so I decided.
I was going to eat spaghetti.
I started to cook it how mum taught me – steam water, add salt, boil, and then add the spaghetti. I didn’t realize I had an audience.
Soon enough, the water began to boil and I added the spaghetti – again, like mum taught me – lengthwise and pushing them in as they softened. At this point, my watching audience who had been wondering what I was doing, jumped out of cover and started screaming, “Aha! See this bush man!!! How can you be cooking spag without breaking it?!!”
I stopped and watched his antics for a moment. And then, when he quieted down I asked him; “Did it occur to you that if it was supposed to be broken, the makers would have broken it for you?”
Clearly it hadn’t. He considered that while I played like Jesus, ignored him and puttered away at my cooking. After almost ten minutes, ten minutes during which I had forgotten he was beside me, he suddenly said, “Sha, last last you be ajebo.”
I had nothing to say to that – because I was having an epiphany.
See, I had always thought the dude was smarter than me. Somehow, he used to make me feel like I was wasting my time being in school – because I believed if I can’t be the best there’s no use doing it. But in that moment?
I realized – there’s a world of difference between being school-brilliant and being generally intelligent. I realized I had no reason to feel small around him – or anyone else for that matter. Maybe I wasn’t as brilliant as him; I wasn’t doing too bad for my age. And I knew if I faced my studies squarely, I’d be just as – if not more so. I just didn’t like school.
And while there’s nothing wrong with having school-brilliant and general intelligence, if I had to choose one –
You guessed it. Enjoy the long weekend.

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Go Slow.

 

 

These days, few things make me happier than being stuck in traffic with a dead phone.
 
I actually have to look up, look around and become aware of the world around me.
 
Like – where the fuck am I rushing to? There’s so much of life I’m missing because I’m obsessed with looking down.
 
Look around you every now and then. Stick your head out of the car window and try to breath fresh air (I no send you inhale smoke and carbon mo-poison o! If you know, you know. If you don’t – ).
 
And for fuck’s sake –
 
Slow the fuck down.
 
Thank God for go-slow.

Deadpool 2 Review: Wade Wilson Wins Again.

It’s funny how things change.

As close as half a decade ago, the memory anyone had of the merc-with-a-mouth is a messed up X-Men Origins: Wolverine movie that sucked.

Sucking more was the second appearance of a certain Wade Wilson, played with mourn-worthy silence by the always-great-recently-rewarded Ryan Reynolds. We hated that Deadpool worse than we hated the lame use of a ‘Lagos’ I didn’t recognize, worse than we hated the whole movie.

These days however, a mention of the D (I don’t mean Deathstroke either) gets a recognition – either love or hate.

The first movie in 2016 was a sleeper hit, making an impressive 720 million dollars in its box office run off a 50 million budget. The sequel was greenlit two weeks into the run.

And it’s a salute long time coming.

This second time around, the whole team decides switch the action up a notch. What else would you expect from one half the team who directed John Wick?!

That’s the ONLY movie I’m anticipating by the way.

Wade Wilson, in an act of uncharacteristic selflessness, decides to recruit a team and save a young mutant confused about his powers. That’s the gist of the sequel. However, it’s at the cost of a lot of heads and legs and limbs and unmentionables.

Ryan Reynolds is in top form, bringing the humor and snarky comebacks/one-liners at a maximum. Josh Brolin’s Cable is a lot less charismatic than his Thanos, but not less deadly. He growls and raves and squints – but at no point do you forget he’s a soldier grizzled by war. Zazie Beetz’ Domino is having too much fun – and so is our cabbie-turned-barfly (I’ve forgotten his name). The other X-Force guys are pretty much cannon fodder. You’ll see why.

The premise makes little sense; for a time-traveler Cable can’t figure out the smartest way to go about what he needs to do. Time traveling movies depend a bit too much on the viewer’s suspension of disbelief abilities – Cable is capable but a Terminator he’s not.

There’s a lot of action but the emotional weight the movie tries to bring in is stumped somewhere between a Wade who doesn’t know when to shut up and a literal anti-climax. Another issue is figuring out who exactly the bad guy in the movie is – the role kept changing hands.

All in all, go see this in the cinema. No amount you spend watching it is too much – however, the fact that I’m writing a review after seeing it just once should tell you something – if you follow my reviews, that is. And stay for the many, many, post-credit scenes as only Deadpool can deliver.

Verdict: Great weekend starter.


Young Female Writers Wanted.

 

No, it’s not an ad. Well, not in the way you’re thinking.

 

Truth is, there’s no better time than right now to be a female writer. Why?

 

So YMCA Lagos decides to do a short story competition for young female writers. And it is simple and straight forward – it is a simple encouragement/opportunity to speak up, tell your stories and let your voices be heard.

 

Don’t take my word for it tho. Check out the flyer below:

 

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So – let me not ask the obvious but – what are you still reading for?!

 

Thank you.


Write Right Right Now!

 

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What makes a good story?

This and a lot other questions are what me and some of the most brilliant literary minds around will be answering at an intense one-day creative writing workshop. Tagged ‘The SWA Creative Writing Workshop’ and organized by the SW Advantage Resources in partnership with Okadabooks. Featuring an extensive who’s who list of writing, it is guaranteed to be quite the experience. I myself will be teaching on Creative Fictional Prose. 

 

Peep details below!

WORKSHOP OVERVIEW
Date: 26th May, 2018
Time: 9am to 4pm
Venue: Somewhere within the VI/Lekki axis.
Aim: To give creative writers the opportunity to learn from some of the best literary minds in Nigeria in an environment where they can interact freely, ask questions and as much as possible, seal profitable deals.
We are particular about helping them realize that creative writing is a big deal and they should be able to project that feeling of importance to the society and their clients.
Program Highlights:
1. Breakout workshops for each genre.
Each session will last for 90mins and all the sessions will run concurrently so participants can attend only one session. However, we hope you will have training content that can be gifted to every participant.
2. Panel session on writing profitably in Africa. Here, all members of the faculty will be asked questions (by the audience and host) designed to help us learn how to profit from our writing skills in Africa. Your invaluable experience will be an asset here.
3. Panel session on traditional publishing, online publishing, editing and marketing.
4. Networking session. Over lunch, while taking pictures and almost throughout the event, we hope to create an atmosphere for participants to loosen up and connect with you.
Our Faculty:
Efe Paul Azino (poetry),
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Wole Oguntokun (stage play),
31301909_2175586469132798_6100658974531828076_n
Tomide Olukuade (non-fiction prose),
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Madonna Robinson (screen writing)
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And yours truly;
Flyer_Seun
Panelists:
Okechukwu Ofili (Book marketing),
Edirin Edewor (Online publishing),
Ini Akpan (Editing),
Jite Efemuaye (Traditional publishing).
A number of interesting bonuses are also included!!!
Fee: #65,000 Early bird – #50,000
Register HERE.

Avengers 4 Plot or How I Bring Them Back

 

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‘Dread it, run from it, destiny arrives’.

With those ominous words Thanos introduces himself in the much-heralded Avengers Infinity War, ten years in the making. Standing in the smoking and smoldering pile of what was once the remainder of Asgard, the mad titan makes an entrance that rivals narcissist Stark on his best day.

 

For the next heart-pumping (or heart-rending, depending on how you choose to see it) minutes, Thanos goes through our favorite characters like a sandstorm through the desert, decimating folk like a shredder does paper. He beats the jolly green giant so bad he (Hulk) doesn’t want to come out ever again. He sacrifices the one person he professes love for, Gamora, his daughter for the Soul Stone, and destroys Vision much like the bot we refuse to accept that he is – but which he really is.  If truly, Thanos is destiny as he described himself in one scene in the movie, then there’s nothing bright and hopeful about destiny.

It is gloomy, destructive and uncaring.

True, the purpose is balancing a clearly-overburdened galaxy which Thanos undertakes with a determination and focus that puts the best of our so-called world savers to shame. Clearly the star of the movie, Thanos has a gravitas that makes him the most superior of Marvel villains and the second-best onscreen comic villain in over fifty years of comic movies.

More on that later.

The focus, for now however is what direction the sequel is likely to take. And here, we get into the spoilers.

 

Avengers-Infinity-War-Iron-Man-Robert-Downey-JrAvengers 4 is the end for Downey Jr. as Stark – Best case scenario, he does what Pepper has been asking him to for over ten movies; hang up the armor, marry and start a family of smaller Starks (Morgan, anyone?).

Worst case scenario: he dies fighting Thanos – and NO ONE will forgive Marvel for that.

 

 

Stark is important in defeating Thanos – In a particular scene, Strange is magicking and when they ask what he’s doing, he says he went into the future to see if they win. Of the millions of scenarios he peeked into, they only won one.

Earlier in the film, he tells Stark if it came down to choosing between saving him (Stark), his ward (Spider-Man) and keeping the Time Stone away from Thanos, he would not hesitate to let them die. Yet, after Thanos got one in heavy on Mr. Stark and is about to kill him, Strange gives up the stone after Thanos agree to spare Stark. My theory is in the one scenario where they win, Strange sees Stark is important to defeating Thanos so he gives up the stone in a pyrrhic victory scenario.

 

AAA

 

Avengers 4 is also the last time we’ll see a lot of the originals – After Thanos gets the last stone from Vision’s head, he does the one thing he meant to do all along; snap his fingers (off-screen) and obliterates half the universe. They don’t show him doing it; however we see people slowly begin to disintegrate. Off go Black Panther, Spider-Man, Falcon, Bucky, Star Lord, Groot, Scarlet Witch, Dr. Strange, Mantis, Drax, Nick Fury, Maria Hill – to wherever it is comic characters go when another cosmic-powered comic character snaps his fingers. The thing about those who left VS those who stayed is the former is composed mostly of people who just started their MCU Spider-Man has at least one more movie after Avengers 4. Same goes for Black Panther. Same for The Guardians, and, if I’m correct, Dr. Strange. Besides, I’m quite sure about Ant Man and Wasp becoming part of Avengers 4. So, I won’t be too unduly worried about those guys.

They’ll be fine.

 

 

The post-credit scene ending has nothing to do with the Captain Marvel movie – At least, that’s what the facts as we have them now say. According to gist coming out of Hollywood, the first Captain Marvel movie will be set in the 90s, so there’s little chance of Infinity Anything showing up in there. However, I’m quite sure she’ll be a major part of Avengers 4 – hence Nick sending out that distress signal. I’d like to know tho – how the hell does a clearly analog device display colors like that?!

Hell. Nick is the super-spy, no?

 

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Iron Man and Captain America will reunite – That one’s a no-brainer. I mean, Stark had to at least know there would be some of the good guys left on earth. The first thing would be to rally the forces, take a head count and know what the odds on their parts are. And the first step in that would be to reconcile with Steve – even though his ego would want to get in the way.

 

 

There’s going to be the granddaddy of all smackdowns with Thanos in the middle: Even though the ending shows Thanos ‘retiring’ in a quiet corner of the galaxy, sitting and watching the sun set, somehow the Avengers interfering and bringing everyone back will be sufficient enough to make him put on the gauntlet again. And he’s definitely getting into it with the larger Avengers team – all at the same time.

 

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Those are my theories as far as the final Avengers movie goes. What’s yours?

 

Thank you for visiting!


Freebies: Dumb Things In Infinity War.

 

 

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Some things that made no sense to me in Avengers Infinity War:

 

If you hate spoilers, do not proceed beyond this point. You have been warned.

 

  1. How did Heimdall, who can see all nine realms, not see Thanos coming?
  2. What happened to Korg, Valkyrie and Miek?
  3. Why did Heimdall choose to save Banner?
  4. How did he know Dr. Strange’s address?
  5. Why was Black Widow/Steve surprised to see Banner? He called them, no?
  6. Why did Thor need a new hammer? Did Thanos’ punches make him forget what Odin said in Ragnarok?
  7. Really, who send Thanos?
  8. Why did Thor need a new eye?
  9. Again, what the fuck was Red Skull doing in Infinity War?!
  10. Strange could have ended that fight in over a million ways. A simple one; why didn’t he do to Thanos what he did to Dormamu?

 

Please, if you have a better explanation that ‘plot armour’, do share. And if you have some other things that also made little/no sense to you, please share too.

PPS: If DC committed a third of the atrocities this movie is guilty of, na Zack Snyder and im family alone go watch am. Bias much?