To Live Or Not To Live.

 

I’m having a creative dilemma.

There’s a new something I’m starting to learn – albeit unwittingly. It starting to be a ‘challenge’ for me to be excited about the things that used to matter to me anymore. I feel as though the anticipation of a thing is more fun than the thing itself.

Case in point: the forthcoming Avengers Infinity War.

Sooner or later it will be the 27th of April. Sooner than later, it would have been the 30th of November – and there will be some other movie (Aquaman, maybe?) to be excited about. In fact, I feel like I am more excited about John Wick Chapter 3, a movie that doesn’t have a release date as of time of writing, than I am about Infinity War.

The anticipation of a thing is more exciting than the thing itself.

Case in point: Sex.

Invariably, I feel as though I’m living from one point to the next, one movie to the next, one book to the next and so on. Like I don’t have the time to truly enjoy the experience of these/those things for what they are. Like I just want to put a stamp on something; like ‘Seun Was Here’ and then, on to the next thrill. Like…life is just a BRT ride – constantly going back and forth, from stop to stop.

No time to break.

I feel like; what’s the hurry though? Why do I feel a need to go from on thrill to the next? Why am I not so excited about Infinity War when anyone who knows me knows it’s a combination of two of my favorite things; comics and movies? Does it have something to do with the reality that I am growing older, or is it some deeper and more complicated reason? Does it have to do with the pattern I have noticed in my doings lately – a lot of the things that used to excite me don’t excite me anymore?

Why though?

Could it be that I need some new experiences, new challenges (which I have in spades)? Could it be I need to be somewhere else (maybe jail, for instance) to rediscover the spark that made my life an adventure at some point?

Or could I have fallen for the trap that has claimed so many before me, the sudden, utter realization that truly, I have become an adult?

Lord have mercy.

 

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2 thoughts on “To Live Or Not To Live.

  1. This reminds me of the feeling I have every festive period for the past 4-5 years now. The enthusiasm and expectations have disappeared.

    We couldn’t wait to be adults. No one told us this is how it would be like.

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