Set your soul on fire,
Or let me.
We tell a tale across the skies.
I can just lay across your thighs.
My life is in two chapters;
Before and After You.
So I was at this bar late Saturday evening.
Don’t mind me o. I had spent the earlier part of the day working with a new team, and after we were done we’d gone for some drinks and food. Somehow sha, I still wasn’t sated. I was feeling restless, so when we agreed to go our separate ways, I got in my car and started driving. It wasn’t really late, I really had no idea where I was going; I just knew I wanted to stop at a place with lights.
So sha, I was at this lit bar, chilling and sipping Smirnoff Ice…
No. Forgive me. I definitely wasn’t sipping Smirnoff Ice, because I asked and they said they didn’t have it.
My people please intervene. What sort of facking bar does not have Smirnoff Ice on a Saturday evening?!
And then, to add insult to injury, they offer me Snapp.
I mean, it’s bad enough I drink Smirnoff Ice. I know the looks I get when I ask for Smirnoff Ice.
And then, someone thinks it’s a good idea to offer me SNAPP?!
No offense, but that shit makes me think of soiled diapers – some baby shit. Shit!
So sha, I was at the bar, nursing my injured pride, chewing on some peppered gizzard…
When I noticed this guy a few seats away on my left, staring.
At first, I looked his way and looked away thinking it was just a random glance between strangers. However, as the night progressed I realized he was staring at me. Like, really staring.
Okay. That was odd.
Shifting gently in my seat, I moved my left side away from the bar and my right towards it. By the time I stopped, I was almost facing him but no so much he’d notice I had done anything. I grabbed some more sticks of gizzard, popped them in my mouth and looked at him.
He was slim, but not thin. He was wearing a grey shirt tucked in dark-colored pants and shiny loafers. He had hairy jowls and his complexion was hard to tell with all the lights. However, he didn’t look bad.
But it was clear I hadn’t seen him before. So why was he staring?
He would look, take a swallow from the green bottle he was holding around the neck – and while he swallowed, he would look again. And then, he would set the bottle down and exhale.
As I continued to look at this man, I started to have an idea for some mischief. I continued to chew my meat and watching him – but this time, from the corner of my eye. As far as he was concerned, I was ignoring him.
Which was just as well.
As he lifted the bottle, I turned towards him and waited till involuntarily, his eyes started to seek me out.
That was when I winked.
Somehow, he missed his mouth with the beer. Most of it ended up in his nose, eyes and on his shirt. Gasping for air, he fell forward, spraying beer from his mouth and snorting through his nose. I turned away, bent over the bar in laughter but I could hear him coughing loudly. I was laughing so loudly – at some point, I think chewed gizzard would have come out my nose.
Respecting myself, I stood, pulled some money out my pocket and left it beneath my plate. And then, I left jejely before some wise ass decided to ask why I was laughing.
I’m a writer, not a fighter abeg.