Can I take a moment of your time? Can you just give me a moment? Can we take a minute – and talk about #MaleRape?
Can we talk about male rape and how prevalent it is? Can we talk about how no one seems to care? #MaleRape
Can we talk about how even guys think a man wailing about being raped is ridiculous? I’m talking about female on male rape. #MaleRape
Can we talk about how even the ‘victim’ can sometimes be in denial – because of the shame and stigma attached to it? #MaleRape
Can we talk about our attitude towards male rape? How some don’t think it exists? How others think it’s supposed to be fun? #MaleRape
Can we talk about how it’s almost as though until something happens to a woman, it never gets talked about? #MaleRape
Can we talk about how rape is popularly seen as something that happens only to women or how ‘women=victim’ and ‘men=perpetrator’? #MaleRape
Can we talk about how unprotected the male child is – because we take it for granted that he can look after himself? #MaleRape
Can we talk about how quite an alarming number of guys lose/lost their virginity to an older woman – housegirl, aunt, cousin etc? #MaleRape
Can we talk about how male rape is portrayed in the media – e.g Archie and Ms. Grundy in the Riverdale series? #MaleRape
Can we talk about how we never talk about this issue and that issue and those other issues whenever men are the victims? #MaleRape
Can we just talk?
Folks don’t understand how much of a struggle living can be sometimes; how much of an effort is required to get up from bed and go through the motions of having a life. But they don’t understand. After all, are you the only one here? So you keep your head down, laughing loudly at the jokes at the parties and clapping along with everyone else at the cinema, yet dreading the end of the movie because it means a hard return to reality; going back to your lonely home to stare at cold walls.
Those grey walls.
And so you do, day in day on, just trying to get by – but knowing deep down it’s only a matter of time before you lose the battle against the blackness your soul is lost in. And the only thing about dying that saddens you…
…is how people will come and say you should have reached out. But how conveniently we forget:
Everybody’s Talking. No One’s Listening.
This is a Public Service Announcement sponsored by Tomi Adesina and prepared by me.
Consider yourself informed.
You can now go back to your regular scheduled programming.
God bless and good night.
Dear Male Rape Survivor,
Your timing sucks.
There’s nothing wrong in your message. Whether we like it or not, no matter how we try to ignore/downplay it, men get raped too (click here to read my story). It is an uncomfortable reality; one even some other males refuse to accept. However, speaking up ONLY when another female rape case is breaking makes you look bad.
It really is in bad taste.
I do understand it. I understand how it feels; to have your pain and torment and shame made light of – just because you’re some way. Something has to happen to a woman for it to be taken seriously, to get public attention/outcry – or at least for it to trend on social media. Men and their plight are largely ignored – unless they’re doing something wrong.
I’ll tell you something in case you didn’t know; men get sexually harassed ALL THE TIME. Men get propositioned frequently. From the attendant at the filling station to the cashier at the supermarket to the cashier at the bank to the customer care person to colleagues, co-workers, groupies; literary or otherwise – trust me. Sex is hurled at men with the frequency of power outage.
You don’t want to see some of the unsolicited messages in some men’s inboxes. I promise.
Unfortunately however, it’s not supposed to be a big deal. Men ARE SUPPOSED TO LIKE IT. After all, ‘men think about sex every nine seconds’ (I wonder how they arrived at those figures – tie a man down, activate a stopwatch and said, ‘every time you think about sex raise your hand’?!). Men LIVE, BREATH, SING, EAT, SHIT, DIGEST sex – or so ‘they’ say.
Men don’t think about anything else. Frankly, men don’t have the time to think about anything else. Not according to ‘statistics’.
So men smile. And laugh. And suck it up. After all, it’s not anybody’s fault you’re a man, is it? And that’s what men do – suck it up because complaining, whining, crying about – of all things – sex and attention; even when unwanted – is shameful and weak.
Because; as much as we think we know in this day and age, the idea of a man turning down sex is preposterous – almost blasphemy. Such a thing is unheard of.
‘So how is it ‘rape’ if you wanted it, anyway? Are you not a man? Don’t men like sex?’
No. Not all the time they don’t. Just like women.
But that’s beside the point.
I understand ‘men get raped too’ because it seems like it’s the only time ANY ATTENTION can be given to the unfortunate, oft-ignored minority – the male abuse/rape victim. It feels like, ‘shebi I shared my rape story and nobody said anything? How is her rape story different?’
It’s not. However, snatching the microphone from her and pulling a Kanye is not the best way to plead your case. Trying to downplay a rape story because ‘men get raped too’ is not the best way to get people to listen. It is not a competition. Nobody’s measuring dick length by who gets raped the most.
We should learn to talk about male rape whenever we can – not just when the story of a 14-year old raped to death breaks. It makes us look selfish and insensitive – even though we mean well.
Rape is a shitty, horrible thing for anyone to go through, and we should all talk against it. Please, okay? Can’t we all just get along for the good of all?
Not all the time gender war, biko.