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Monday Motivation: A No-Negative Energy Zone

 

be-warned

 

 

I realized something in the first few hours of the New Year; I’d rather be drained; exhausted than be angry or depressed.

I know; not what you were expecting, abi? You probably thought I was going to drop a bomb like ‘I’m pregnant’ on you or something close. Well.

Sorry to disappoint.

Anyway, as I sat before my computer screen in the wee hours of that day, I thought about that little secret that popped in my head unannounced. And I realized; again how much power we have as human beings, and how little we understand the power we have.

Have you ever been irritated?

I mean, those moods you get in when it feels as though the clothes on your back are annoying, the sound of the air conditioner is annoying and if you could, you would smash the neighbor’s children’s heads one after the other for making that much noise during the day –

I sometimes set out to cook, and when I’m done I empty the entire thing into the bin without as much as a taste of it. The closest I get to the meal I took hours to cook when I get that way, is the aroma of it.

That’s irritation.

The kind of energy that gets you standing one moment, sitting the next, scratching your head and wondering if you could pull your hair out by the roots, the kind that makes you feel like stripping off all your clothes in the middle of the International Airport –

I’m sure we’ve all been there.

There are times I don’t want to be alone – but I know some of those times are the times I need to be alone the most. For example, I’m feeling sorry for myself, having a pity-party and hating the world and everybody in it. At times like that, I know enough to know I’m nothing more than a ball of negative energy; and I’m probably going to infect whoever comes around me with that negativity. So, I turn off the lights, switch off my phone and retreat into a dark corner with nothing but my thoughts for company.

You know; those moments in which you start to feel as though God made you a custodian for His children, so you start to see why nobody except you deserves happiness. Those times you think about one particular ex and how they are happy without you, and that makes you furious, because you think they’re responsible for your happiness and/or lack of it. Those times it seems as though you inhale fire and exhale brimstone, inhale ether and exhale poison.

Those are the times I mean.

I’m afraid of my thoughts in times like those; it’s bad enough I want to hurt myself – but to think of hurting someone else just to make me feel better? No Way Jose!

Therapy is good; if for no other reason than to help get out all those thoughts that really do not belong in anyone’s head or heart. It helps articulate thought process; and puts one in charge of their feelings and emotions – and therefore, in charge of their lives. Just like everyone else, I deserve happiness and the choice is mine and mine alone.

Because of some mild OCD, I have a high-functioning mind. I can obsess over the smallest detail; the most insignificant part of something. I go over things over and over and over again, wondering what I could or should have done differently.

Who ‘e epp tho?

So, after therapy I have learnt to control these thoughts. Once I find myself thinking stuff I shouldn’t be thinking, I pull out my jump rope and start skipping, or play some music really loud, or start doing press ups. The purpose is simply to distract myself from whatever the cause of the situation is until I can get my thoughts under control – or till I’m too exhausted for rational thought. Whatever I have to do to get by.

 

Whatever I need to do to keep going.

 

Life is short; too short to be angry at things we have no control over. I want to spend time controlling the things I can, so to better recognize the things I can’t and how to deal with them. A good way to start the year, no?

Thank you for stopping by.

 

 

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