I had a horrible day today – the likes of which I haven’t had since my mother died. I am hungry, weak, tired, dirty, I stink of sweat and smoke (don’t ask) – and I really don’t want to do anything.
But I know I won’t be able to sleep. There hasn’t been power for almost a week now – and being in the dark, alone in my thoughts –
Let’s just say I’ve been down that path one too many times. I still have the scars around my wrists to prove it.
So I come home, manage to fill the generator and start it, hoping that watching some Daredevil will help me feel better. The light makes me thirsty; and as I make my way towards the warm refrigerator for an even warmer drink, I catch a glimpse of myself on a reflective surface.
Me. Seun Odukoya.
I look at myself and see all the flaws. The dirt. The shame. The scars. The lined, seamed and cracked face. The bloodshot and always-angry eyes. The lips and their drooping corners. The wide forehead and its permanent scowl.
I look at the tears – the streaks they left in the dirt-lined surface of my face. I look at the sag in my shoulders – a result of the guilt that weighs them down. I think about the truth that I have lost so many good people – not to death; they loved me but didn’t know what to do with me.
I have made mistakes. I have hurt people, done things I shouldn’t have and refused to do things I should have. These things haunt me day and night but I know – I don’t always do the right thing, but my heart is always in the right place.
Consolation? Maybe. But it’s also true.
But then – I think about how far I’ve come. What I’ve been able to achieve in my years. I have been blessed in ways I cannot imagine; I have been privileged to touch lives of people I have NEVER and probably will never meet. I have been touched by people I will never meet. I have meaning; I have had the honor of encouraging and inspiring people. I have been friends with some pretty amazing people, I am still friends with some pretty amazing people. I still have people who love me in spite of myself; some pretty amazing women have held me in their arms, sighing my name in that sweet surrender passion commands. I have been to some intensely beautiful places; a sweet little girl calls me ‘daddy’.
So I had a horrible day today – the likes of which I haven’t had since my mother died. I am tired, angry, depressed – but I can still smile. And because of that, I will go again tomorrow and try harder – just because that’s what we as humans do.
So this is about me; but really it’s for you – you warrior who has been knocked down and bruised more times than you can count – but still get up because you don’t know any other way.
Be thankful for the pain; though it’s lasted a fortnight, joy comes in the morning.
Tomorrow is another chance to get it right.
And we will get it right.
But I Love You
I know that doesn’t change anything
Doesn’t change the bullshit I did
Doesn’t erase the crap I put you through
But I love you; I do
Even my Twitter knows
I don’t know if you notice,
But I’m not on Twitter much
And when I am,
I try to flirt with some of the other girls
Like magic; your handle pops up
I can’t go on
I just log out
Sometimes I want to scream and shout
The memories are stalking me, I’m asking how
Can I just delete that last thoughtless tweet?
But I love you; I do
Even my Facebook knows
Now, Facebook I do more of;
Because I’m with people I know much of
So we banter, argue, talk, discuss
And as it is with Twitter your face comes up
Doesn’t help that we share plenty friends
Not to mention how they keep tagging us with their pens
Their poems, stories and stuff like that
A couple even add us to groups; my bad!
But wait – should I have unfriended you
Acted like you’re some stranger I never knew?
Gone around my business like nothing happened?
Make you disappear in the haze of some spliff?
Make it look like it was my choice we split?
Vodka to the brim; several stiff drinks
Plus several lips can’t erase the memory of one kiss
And I love you; I do
Even my Smartphone knows
Like the way you hypnotized my friends and family
Even my phone treats me like I’m the enemy
It saved all your texts in a backed-up back up memory
It did that before I could delete any
When I call a girl; the network stops
I blamed MTN; I thought my credit was bust
Then I realized; female calls don’t come thru
The only one I can call is you
I don’t see texts from other girls
Innocent or not, bloody phone doesn’t care!
But how can I explain the choice you made?
To leave me – to leave us; a chorus with no refrain?
Still I love you. I do
Even YouTube knows
Saw a video of you at some seminar
Even better than that; you were the guest speaker!
So I watched, watched and watched again
Like I’m enjoying the pain of feeling crushed; again
But the thing is –
The thing is, since then I cannot use YouTube
On ANY system; from Lagos to Accra too;
When I open the page; this is kinda freaky
That video comes up; believe me
I’m watching something else; it’s in the corner waiting
And because of your face I cannot resist clicking
Coincidence I thought; science can explain everything
Till the same thing happened on a friend’s Smartphone in Britain
I do love you; I do
The thing is; do you?
Click on Image To Download This Ain’t Poetry
This Ain’t Poetry, my first ‘lyric’ or ‘verse’ collection is now available for download.
I do honestly hope you enjoy this one – enjoy and share. Download ‘This Ain’t Poetry’ right after the jump.
Thank you – catch you on the next one.
So far I’ve released two ‘singles’ from the forthcoming ‘lyric’ compilation This Ain’t Poetry.
In case you missed them, here they are again:
Below is the first – a sample stanza from the verse Ballad of a Yoruba Demon;
I apologize if you have issues reading.
And here is the second; I Dream Of Hue…
I was in love when I wrote that one.
Anyways – This Ain’t Poetry will be dropping on the 22nd of March 2016 – a day after the International World Poetry Day.
Thank you for dropping by – make it a date on the 22nd!
God bless you.
I just really want to appreciate everyone riding with me; from day one or from a few minutes ago. I’m really blessed doing what I love to do for a living, and if not for God and you guys, nothing for me o.
So this is my next project; my first collection of verses curiously titled ‘This Ain’t Poetry’. It’s a labor of love; another thing I enjoy writing is ‘lyric’ but I don’t do it the way it usually is done – hence the title.
Is that a plus or minus?
Here is the cover for the project – it will be released on the 22nd of March 2016; the day after The World Poetry Day.
I know right? Do share and anticipate!
As the world basically gets ready for Batman v Superman: Dawn of Justice, I find myself thinking about a lot of things – particularly about Henry Cavil; the new Superman.
The Superman Curse is a ‘series of supposedly related misfortunes that have plagued creative people involved in the adaptations of Superman for various media, particularly actors who have played Superman in film and television’.
That quote is from Wikipedia.
Now let’s look at the stats;
Kirk Alyn was the first to don the cape and tights, playing Superman in two 1941 serials. He couldn’t find any real work after that and so was stuck with voice-overs and commercials. Ouch.
Bud Collyer & Lee Quigley also played Superman in other adaptations – and couldn’t find other work after. But it wasn’t till George Reeves (not Christopher; know your Superman) the first guy to play Superman in a live-action film Superman and the Mole Men in 1951 was there any mention of an urban legend.
George was found dead in his apartment a few days before his marriage with a gunshot wound to the head in what was supposed to be a suicide. But the facts didn’t add up; his fingerprints weren’t on the gun found beside him, he was having an affair with a studio exec’s wife.
Bam. And so started the Superman something.
Follow that with Christopher Reeve, the Superman of my generation; the first major Superman on the big screen. Even though he went on to star in other successful movies, Superman I, II, III remain his most successful both commercially and critically – and the last one; Superman IV: The Quest For Peace was a critical and commercial failure. And while Reeve went on to do other great movies, they all paled beside his Superman years.
And then, he fell off a horse and broke his spine – after which he died at age 52 of cardiac arrest.
Not too long after that, Dean Cain starred in his biggest role till that – the TV series Lois & Clark: The Adventures of Superman that ran from 1993 – 1997 and Tom Welling also debuted in his biggest role – playing a young ‘not-yet-super’ Clark Kent from 2001 – 2010. Both guys basically ‘disappeared’ after that; in a manner of speaking. He recently showed up in Supergirl – another campy DC TV show far as I’m concerned.
That seems too much to be coincidence. And for years – no one wanted to be Superman. And then came Brandon Routh, the guy who was to be Christopher Reeves Superman. Because of the respect DC/Warner Bros have for Christopher Reeves, they basically fashioned Brandon’s Superman after Reeves, complete with the ‘S’ curl and Clark’s nerdish looks. They even went as far as making the movie Superman Returns a continuation of Reeves’ Superman II. The movie was a critical and commercial ‘success’, earning $391 million off a budget of $204 million. Warner Bros was disappointed – and poof! went dreams of a sequel. Brandon ended up doing a couple of movies that didn’t nudge the box office or Sundance – and is now playing Atom in Legend Of Tomorrow – another of DC’s campy TV shows.
Green Lantern anyone?
Hey; onetime I had a nightmare that Nicholas Coppolla; popularly known as Nicholas Cage had been cast as Superman. I mean, that had to be a nightmare, right?
Anyways – that was it for Superman and the big screen for a looooooooong time – about seven years actually. Until along came Henry Cavil, fine boy British dude who had been touted to be the next James Bond until the producers, who had reportedly been torn between him and Daniel Craig decided they wanted an older Bond.
And that was that.
Interestingly, Cavil had also been casted for roles in Twilight and Harry Potter and The Goblet of Fire, losing both roles to Robert Pattinson. Even more interesting, he had been casted for the titular role in Superman: Flyby, the movie that became Superman Returns because the director who casted him pulled out.
Finally, Zack Snyder was invited to reboot the Superman Mythos and Cavil was the only choice. Cavil was excited, calling Superman ‘the most respected and revered of all heroes and being honored to play the role’.
Looking at the box office success of the Man of Steel; $668 million on a $225 million budget, it’s clear that this Superman is here to stay. However, Cavil’s one movie role after that; starring in the highly stylish but empty Man from U.N.C.L.E, you cannot help but wonder if there’s any truth to the highly touted Superman curse.
Looking at the evidence and the stream of bad luck that seems to dog most of the actors to have played the role, you think maybe. But is it that the actors aren’t lucky – or there’s simply no role they can play that can ever be bigger than Superman?
It’s never easy to play an icon.
Consider Michael Keaton, the first guy to play Batman on the big screen. Despite having played Bettlejuice to much acclaim, Batman is arguably his biggest role – or was for over twenty years – before 2015’s Oscar-winning Bird Man. Imagine that.
Maybe it’s just not to easy to take on the cape and then take it off and expect to go off and live a normal life. Maybe that’s the tragedy of being a superhero – even if it’s just for a day. Routh has said things will be what they will – and that just because something happens to one person doesn’t mean it’ll happen to someone else. He rounded off by saying he does not live his life in fear.
Cavil, my favorite Superman does not believe in it, and that whatever has been hounding the former ‘Supermen’ is nothing but bad luck. Personally, I hope Cavil gets the chance to play Bond after craggy Craig is done with it. I’m rooting for him.
Meanwhile, make mine Dawn of Justice!
In Celebration of The International Women’s Day
We Should All Be Rapists
And that’s a huge if;
The biggest of my life.
If every girl out late was really a slut,
And she’s there only because she has a body to hawk,
Wearing a skirt that barely covers her butt,
We should all be rapists, but sir, we’re not
If the only reason girls come to your house is to fuck,
And all their excuses are just stories for the gods
And if after it’s done, there’s no one hurt,
We should all be rapists, but bros, we’re not
If every time they said no; they really meant yes,
And she didn’t take those clothes off because she was scared
And there are no tears mixing with the sweat
Without a doubt, all men would be rapists no less
If we all thought having breasts means she’s all grown up,
And age is nothing but a number, so what?
And it’s Nigeria anyway; the police won’t show up
We would all be rapists, but alas we’re not
Not all of us; so leave your excuses and ‘buts’
She has the right to choose when/where with who she wants,
Don’t be cheap; spending money doesn’t make that ass yours,
So stop that; stop making rapists of all of us
Previously published on artsandafrica.com
From my poetry collection coming real soon.