Have you ever; ever sat in a room – probably yours; possibly not – one lonely night? It doesn’t have to be cold – but all the heat in India wouldn’t make any difference. You’re lonely.
So – have you ever sat in a room like that one, on a night like this one, sat there, on the single mattress, holding your phone in your hand and staring at the screen – or better yet; the number on the screen?
The same number you used to calm down for. The same number that – no matter what was going on around you; you could be in a meeting with Oga Jona arguing about the bullshit fuel scarcity – and once your phone started ringing; once you realized it was that number that was calling you would excuse yourself with an excuse; ‘It can’t wait’.
Yes; that same number that, in time came to represent everything that was wrong with the world – your world at least. The same number you swore at, cursed at, blocked, deleted all texts and whatsapp messages from – and then finally deleted, forgetting you couldn’t delete it from the most important place – that ‘I-refuse-to-hear-word’ part of every human being…
Now, almost twelve months to the day, and you find yourself pulling the number out of a hat – I mean pulling it out of a heart; yours, to be specific, pulling it out of a place you’d have sworn was gone and forgotten from – and just like that, it’s in front of you and everything you swore with your finger touching ground, tongue and sky – in that order – everything you swore was no longer even a memory was just that.
No longer a memory.
It was right in front of your face, on your phone’s screen, and your head put up the same argument as before –
‘He/she has moved on! You’re here, staring at a bloody phone and moaning like a lovestruck ram while he/she’s most likely having his/her third orgasm of the night! Fool! Ode! Mumu! Maga! So – so what do you want to do now? Beg?!’
Thing is – you know it’s right. You know for a fact that the only thing the call you’re about to make is going to achieve is to make you look even more foolish than whatever it was you did to end whatever it was you shared.
But tonight of all nights, you decide you’re tired – you’ve had enough of hiding. You just want to open up – and see if there’s any remains of the best thing that happened to you.
And so you dial. And as the number starts traveling down several wires and masts and cables, your heart rate tripples. You realize; finally that your head was right. This is the stupid thing to end all stupid things on your long wall of fuck ups fame. You’re about to take the phone away from your ear…
Then. Just then, it starts ringing.
The only reason you’re still sitting still and holding the phone that tightly is; you’re frozen in fear. You start to pray; you start to hope they’re far away from the phone and cannot hear it ring. You start thinking; even the thought of them having sex is not so bad – as long as it spares you from the humiliation you’re about to subject yourself to –
The call is taken. And that voice, the voice of the owner of that number, that number that the mere sight of does things to your innards, that voice comes on the phone and says…
YOU have been there before, haven’t you? In that room?
Chai! We’re more connected than we realize.