It felt surreal.
As I sat there, in front of that desk and looked at my system – the system from which I had fought, won and lost several battles, I realized I was going to miss it.
Haba Seun; my rational side queried, it’s just a bloody computer.
Indeed it was. Just that.
But it was more. It was a symbol of comfort. Of familiarity. Of dependability.
It was a symbol of safety.
I had sat in front of that computer for over two years, plotting, scheming and dreaming. In all my time of being with it, it never gave me any issues.
Now I was leaving. Heading for parts unknown. Going to places I’ve never been, to do stuff I’ve only done in my imagination.
I was scared.
I was worried. Unhappy.
I looked at that system, and I thought to myself; it’s just a system. In a matter of days, it’ll be faithful and loyal and honest – to another guy!
Bloody system looked at me and nodded. You Damn right; it seemed to say.
So where did that leave me?
It was my last day. Yet, in many ways it was the first day of the rest of my life.
I look at 2014 sorta like that.
There was so much I said I was going to do that I didn’t. So much I did wrong. So much I overdid. So much I missed out on because I was being too careful, too ‘principled’, too hard-headed.
I’m too careful. Too principled. Too hard-headed. Those are some of the things that make me – me.
And as much as I messed up really bad in 2014, I did some real cool things too.
I took my life in my hands. Spent time with love. Shed some weight.
And finally published a book.
I look to parts unknown in 2015. I look to faces – to people unknown. I thank God for familiar faces that haven’t gone away in spite of me, and I pray for those who have.
BecauSe of me.
I think about that. A lot.
I exhale. Square my shoulders. And move on.
For parts unknown – yet familiar.
Thank you for being part of 2014.
See you in 2015.
The smell of it clings to your nostrils despite the fresh night air flowing over you in cool draughts as you step into the street.
You cannot bring yourself to think in terms of its name.
Again, you reflexively brush at your shoulders, your chest – a vain attempt to get the stink of it off you. Again you try to ignore the arm weighing down across your shoulders, effectively draping them in guilt; the same feeling that tucked your chin in your chest, and had your eyes darting furtively across the street on your way out of the brothel eight streets away, that not-so-long-ago first time.
That familiar feeling.
You try to ignore it – as you’ve been ignoring the moustache-brushed lips whispering all sorts of nonsense in your ears all night. As you’ve been ignoring the persistent sting in your nether region. It isn’t a loud sting – but it is insistent and itchy. Still, it isn’t anything close to what the television and the movies and the magazines and websites and people said it would be like.
Not even close. But it hurts.
Mostly because it’s new.
“So – same time, next week?”
Your skin retracts like over-extended rubber band; crawling into itself as you vibrate all over, twice in rapid succession. The shawarma and Jack Daniels you had been plied with threatens to spill over – and you bend over quickly, one hand on your stomach, the other at your mouth – an attempt to hold dinner in.
When you straighten you’re alone. Never again, you tell yourself.
As you get your feet beneath you – and begin to head on home, a comfortable weight in your left trouser pocket makes itself known to you. A smile manifests on your too-thin lips and your left hand slips into your left pocket and caresses the edge of tightly-packed fresh 1000 naira notes.
It is worth it; you think.
You hobble on home, moving slowly but steadily, two words recurring steadily in your mind –
Over and over, till they are joined by two new words –
Two peas in a pod
My heart and head were
Then one broke in pieces
And the other was shorn
No time to mourn!
No time for peace lost
Had to find the pieces
Under tons of shit and smelly ghetto pisses
One split in two like fingers in a peace sign
One shattered; many a piece left to find
Scoured left and right, low ridge and high
Nothing but vultures squawking nigh.
‘Vultures squawking nigh’?!
That’s because they’re high!
Full off pieces of my ____ they picked clean
Now that’s gone. No more peace in my pod.
There no words…
No. Actually, that’s a lie.
There are words. Words that would; at least come really close to describing what I need to say to all you awesome guys.
I just cannot find them right now.
I have tried. Believe me, I have tried.
But you know what they say. “At all at all na im be ashawo”.
So I’m just going to say; from the bottom of EVERYTHING that is me.
Also – have yourselves a merry celebration.
What happens when a guy meets a girl again – seven years after she assumed he was dead?
I will be answering this question and more at the first official book signing of his debut novel, Saving Dapo. The signing is hosted by the Emperor’s Groove and will be holding this Saturday the 20th of December 2014.
Hehehe! That’s for the newspapers.
This is for family.
Good morning again – after a while.
I know I keep apologizing – but just please bear with me and continue to take my apologies.
After a successful release of Saving Dapo last weekend, the next thing would be to get the book into the hands of the readers, right?
Thank you for your patience. Work continues on making that happen.
At the moment, there will be a book signing at the Emperor’s Groove – the last for the year 2014.
Do get details from the poster below:
I know you’re busy – I know there are a million and one things to do that same Saturday – I’m just asking that you please squeeze little ‘ol me and Dapo in there somewhere.
It would be so amazing to see you guys.
Have a great rest-of-the-week!
Just One More Thing…
End Of Story.
I apologize for the silence here. It’s been crazy – but finally I get to share some of what’s been keeping me away.
It’s the end of the year – but for some, the year is just beginning.
Like Dapo and friends.
I’m very very pleased to share with you the official release date for the book Saving Dapo.
I’m giggling. I’m so happy.
I hope you’re happy – and excited too!
Can We Countdown Together?
Ten Days To Go…