Your Stories. My Stories. Our Stories. Please forward all enquiries to seunodukoyaofficial@gmail.com.

Midweek Fix: Can We Get Naked?

 

 

There should be ONE PERSON in this world you can be naked with. I mean physically, emotionally, honestly, EVERYTHING-LY.

 

 

Naked; I’m talking figuratively and literally.

 

 

I love comics by the way.

 

 

If you heard this before – indulge me; but I am convinced the first book I EVER read in my life was a comic.

 

 

I had a brother who was an avid collector – and something about the pictures and the words just fascinated me. Another thing that got my attention about these characters as I got older was how they faced problems similar to mine.

 

 

I thought if I had superpowers, all my problems would vanish in an instant. I could just fly away somewhere I knew nobody and nobody knew me, and I would just be there.

 

 

But after reading one particular Spiderman comic where he got beaten within an inch of his life, I realized that contrary to my belief that Spiderman was an escape; however temporary, from Peter Parker’s boring and mundane life, Spiderman also had his problems – albeit more deadly than Peter’s.

 

 

Another guy I could relate with was the Hulk – for an entirely different reason. In his early incarnation, the Hulk was a monster – at least so he seemed to everyone else. And as a result, he was angry most of the time – angry and paranoid. He did not trust anyone, and was largely misunderstood.

 

 

Boy. Could I relate to that.

 

 

But then, The Incredible Hulk found someone who could calm him down. He found someone who he recognized even when he was going through the most aggravated of his rampages. He found someone he recognized even when he was raging out of control.

 

 

 

That someone was/is a woman.

 

 

Betty Banner nee Ross, the one great love of his life, the daughter of his greatest enemy General Thunderbolt Ross.

 

 

I don’t want to bore you with details – but the bottom line is, Betty is Hulk’s kryptonite. Every time he’s rampaging, out of control – whatever, once Betty comes on the scene, it’s over. The Great Incredible Hulk becomes a baby.

 

 

And then, you don’t wanna see Hulk when Betty is in danger…

 

 

 

Let’s bring it home now. Check out the picture.

 

 

The Right Woman

 

 

 

 

 

Imagine that.

Imagine someone like The Hulk becoming putty in the arms of a woman he’s taller than; even when sitting on the floor!

 

 

I know, I know. It’s just a comic, right? I mean, it’s just like the movies – we see what ‘they’ want ‘us’ to see, right?

 

 

But – all the guys reading this – tell me your mind did not go to one particular man/woman when you saw the picture. Tell me you did not think of someone who makes everything okay by just calling you. No matter how rough your day has been – you hear his/her voice and everything is fine.

 

 

Which brings us/me back to the intro – There should be ONE PERSON in this world you can be naked with. I mean physically, emotionally, honestly, EVERYTHING-LY. Naked; I’m talking figuratively and literally.

 

 

There’s this Lupe Fiasco/Trey Songz collaboration ‘Can’t Get You Out Of My Head’.

 

 

In the music video, Lupe is walking on the streets and so on – and he keeps running into different women who have the same face. One is walking her dog, another is a cop, another is a model or something – and then at the end of the video, he walks into this club and he meets the woman whose face all the other women are wearing.

 

And then she asks, “How was your day?”

 

 

 

And then the viewer finds out that the woman’s dog actually peed on his shoes, the cop was giving him a ticket – there were all kinds of different drama associated with the different women he saw – and then he ends with ‘but I kept seeing you and everything was just fine’.

 

 

That’s the power of a woman. The power of a special somebody.

 

 

I used to think opening up to a woman – allowing her see your sensitive side is some kind of weakness. But you can only keep up a strong front for so long.

 

At the end of the day – as Dapo admitted to Yemisi; “Everyone needs to be someone’s baby”.

 

 

If you (I mean the guys now) if you have someone who basically makes it okay for you to be honest, for you to be yourself, for you to be ‘weak’, for you to cry after watching a movie like 12 Years A Slave…you better wife that woman.

 

 

If you’re married and you cannot be that way with your wife, something is wrong. You better fix it.

 

 

That’s right. I said Y-O-U.

 

 

I think the biggest obstacle to the naked idea; the idea of being vulnerable with someone else is fear. We have learnt to use people and love things – so we’re afraid of being taken advantage of by people we love, care about and open up to.

 

 

The scary part is – sometimes it’s not even that the person leaks or reveals your vulnerability. Sometimes, it’s that they start to use that knowledge you armed them with against you. It could be words, it could be actions, it could be insinuations…they just take the knowledge you shared with them and use it against you – literally.

 

 

What can I say? Nothing hurts more than trusting the wrong person.

 

 

And honestly, I have been the ‘wrong person’ in relationships. I make mistakes. I take things; I take people for granted. But I am learning to value myself – and it turn value people who value me. I am understanding that life; relationships are privileges – I don’t have the right to friends; I have to earn my friends. And ‘earning’ friends does not mean changing who you are, sometimes it just means letting go of your need to be right, letting go of your need to control, letting go of some temporal gratification to give someone else happiness.

 

 

I still miss it plenty times. But I keep trying. And God is not through with me yet!

 

 

So. Be grateful for that person you can get naked with without fear, invest in one if you haven’t found yet. The whole of life is a risk – we all have to fail to win sometime or the other.

 

 

 

Everyone needs to be someone’s baby.

 

 

 

Have an amazing week!

 

Advertisements

45 responses

  1. Oye

    ‘I don’t have the right to friends; I have to earn my friends’, hmmmmm. Have a fruitfl wk

    May 21, 2014 at 7:54 am

    • That’s what I think anyways.

      Thanks! You too!

      May 21, 2014 at 8:29 am

  2. whao, words of truth and wisdom. we women also need men we can be naked with. Welldone

    May 21, 2014 at 8:18 am

  3. droplet4

    That you made reference to hulk my super super hero already made my day…and the right up is on point.

    But i don’t think i wanna get naked again cos human will be human come what may(my opinion though)

    May 21, 2014 at 9:26 am

    • droplet4

      *write*

      May 21, 2014 at 9:27 am

    • To err is human…

      Thank you so much.

      May 21, 2014 at 9:29 am

  4. The part I can relate to most is “I don’t have the right to friends: I have to earn my friends”.
    I totally agree. The best and longest friends I have are proof of that. the friendship was earned over the years on both sides

    May 21, 2014 at 9:27 am

  5. Hmm. What happens when the person with whom you are most comfortable being naked with is out of your reach?
    You say Betty Banner was Hulk’s kryptonite. In what ways was she not good for him?

    May 21, 2014 at 1:05 pm

    • Define ‘out of your reach’ please.

      She was his ‘kryptonite’ because he had a soft spot for her – he knew that and his enemies knew that too.

      Anything else dear?

      May 21, 2014 at 2:32 pm

      • Emmm, I dunno how to define it exactly. About Betty….okay. I used to think kryptonite was something that is good and bad for you at the same time. That’s why I asked that question. Thank you, egbon, your reply made things clearer.

        May 21, 2014 at 2:58 pm

      • You’re welcome aburo.

        To make things even clearer, kryptonite is a word adapted from the Superman mythos. It’s a rock from his home planet Krypton, and the only thing that can weaken him. Hence the etymology of Kryptonite.

        We’ll talk more later!

        May 21, 2014 at 3:02 pm

  6. Yemie

    This piece is the ‘bomb diggitty’! You make sense DIE!!! Such sincere words of wisdom! My mum admonishes that having a liaison or getting with anyone who says they cannot be appealed to or appeased by anyone, when they’re enraged ’bout something and then goes on a step further again to say that, ‘even if Jesus descends from Heaven, they still wouldn’t calm down or listen to good reason’, will amount to a recipe for disaster! Obviously, such a person will not ‘cowtow’ to anyone or be naked with anybody and that wouldn’t be pretty. We all need someone who can pacify us, when we’re at our lowest. A person who pushes our ‘mumu’ button so to speak, in positive ways I must add! Lolz
    Double thumbs up to you for this thought-provoking piece! Wisdom multiplied!

    May 21, 2014 at 4:57 pm

    • Wow. It’s all God o. I’m just the conduit.

      Thank you. So much.

      I particularly like the ‘mumu button’ thing.

      May 21, 2014 at 7:33 pm

      • Yemie

        Gotcha! Well, your masterpiece inspired it; so its all thanks to you really! LOL

        May 21, 2014 at 7:38 pm

  7. I loved this. I’m going to share it enough times on my TL.
    It encompassed my exact thoughts and sentiments from a few years back.
    (Un)fortunately, time and experience have taught me to be my own person, my own kryptonite. I could not think of any one person through out the entire piece.
    It’s tedious abeg.
    Oh well, we’ll talk more when we see.
    But this was wonderfully written and had a lot of sense in it.
    More grace. 🙂

    May 21, 2014 at 10:38 pm

    • Thank you.

      Thank you so much, Oge. Bless.

      May 21, 2014 at 10:47 pm

  8. bshaba

    My heart skipped a beat when i read the title and first few lines. I was afraid that the write up will be naked..hahahaha
    I must say it’s the best non fiction i have read on your blog so far.
    Lessons i learnt: Friendship is earned…if you find someone special, wife her or shall i dare say husband him….If you are already hooked in the wrong marriage, fix it and in the wrong relationship, get out.
    ‘Everyone needs to be someone’s baby’, this is as sincere as it gets.
    I’m inspired by the words of this piece.
    Thank you for sharing.

    May 21, 2014 at 10:43 pm

    • Wow. It’s all God.

      Thank you. So much.

      May 21, 2014 at 10:48 pm

  9. Bravo Seun…this speaks what I have never said in words. I replace the ‘naked’ with open. Shared this piece someone who said she doesn’t wanna read anything about nakedness. She came back to say thanks.

    May 21, 2014 at 10:44 pm

    • Now that is something.

      Thank you Oscar. For always being right there.

      May 21, 2014 at 10:49 pm

  10. Since I’m a woman of few words (don’t even say it!) I’ll simply say “Good one, Seun Odukoya, good one”. It needs to be said, though, ‘getting naked’ with someone besides yourself is one of the hardest things a person can do. In fact, it’s nigh impossible if you aren’t built that way. And before you say it it doesn’t always have to do with being hurt in the past (or pride, like my Mama likes to argue).
    But yes, I agree, life would be much easier if people found one person they could leave it all hanging out with. Good one.

    May 22, 2014 at 12:07 am

  11. So true. If you are married and she or he is not the person you can be naked and not ashamed for FIX it.

    May 22, 2014 at 1:03 am

  12. favour

    I ‘literarily cannot be with someone I can’t be naked with.

    May 22, 2014 at 6:30 am

  13. “I don’t have the right to friends; I have to earn my friends. And ‘earning’ friends does not mean changing who you are, sometimes it just means letting go of your need to be right, letting go of your need to control, letting go of some temporal gratification to give someone else happiness.”

    That did it for me. Thank you.

    Lovely post, I think it is important to find one that brings the best out of you to be open/ vulnerable to and transparent communication aids intimacy. But we also need to identify those that make us better. Haven’t you met some people who are entirely different when they are with someone else? The other person just has their PIN and knows how to bring the best/worst out of them. I believe those kinds of friends/friendships that bring the best out of us should form the basis for our long term relationships and marriages.

    Lovely post, thank you Seun.
    Glad to be back.

    May 22, 2014 at 7:53 am

  14. can you be clearer on how to handle things when your nakedness is used against you?
    and when your confidant doesn’t want you to wife her?

    May 22, 2014 at 8:31 am

    • Have you ever wanted something so bad you see it all the time? And when you don’t get it the first time, do you give up?

      No. You learn – and move on and try smarter.

      Easier said than done of course – but still has to be done.

      I think that applies to both cases. Thank you!

      May 22, 2014 at 8:50 am

  15. Wait a minute! You still remember the undertones of the comics you read as a child? Wow! ( Although, I read and watched all the disney worlds, and the sound of music, and the Enid Blytons; I can only remember what my childhood fantasy was able to pick up- fairy tales in paradise- *no theme, nothing else in fact, except I re-saw them as a teenager or as an adult*)

    *** I’ll just go and share this all over***
    (Comments plenty for my head, so, let me just allow them diffuse into the sharing!)

    May 22, 2014 at 1:28 pm

    • Yeah I do – and plenty much else.

      Thank you so much Debb!

      May 22, 2014 at 2:11 pm

      • I can imagine…

        Welcome!

        (+ am I already winning disciples for you by sharing this post on facebook? Hmmmm!)

        May 22, 2014 at 3:29 pm

      • Oh. Wow.

        What can I say? Thanks again.

        You’re awesome Debbie.

        May 22, 2014 at 4:02 pm

  16. Dolapo

    wow! Interesting, thank you so much, caught a lot from this piece.

    May 22, 2014 at 3:38 pm

  17. This piece is wow! Brings to mind the intention of the Creator for our relationships: Adam and Eve were naked and they knew no shame. I have “earned” friends and I am glad I have. Thanks for sharing

    May 22, 2014 at 4:27 pm

  18. I enjoyed reading this…you speak the absolute truth

    May 23, 2014 at 7:15 pm

  19. This is one truth we all run away from. It is difficult though but necessary. If you can’t open up for her/ to know your flaws and strength, then the relationship is erected on lies. It is 50/50 I guess; either it works for you or against you but if you are the positive and prayerful type, could be 80/20% to your advantage. If you get naked, you are likely going to have a good experience in your relationship.
    Good one bro.

    Secrete of your future is in your daily routine http://wp.me/p1WSw3-8b

    May 24, 2014 at 9:26 am

  20. Getting naked and seeing all the scars is the problem. It needs more courage than one can muster sometimes (growing up sucks).

    I’m blessed in my friends. And everyone gets a peek from time to time. The whole package? Na God only dey see am.

    I am my mummy’s baby. That counts, no?

    May 26, 2014 at 11:36 am

    • You’re so lucky to have your mum.

      Enjoy her, okay?

      Thank you.

      May 26, 2014 at 11:55 am

  21. Ah! Spot on Seun, spot on!
    To say this was real or forthright would be an understatement, but i’m thankful you sounded that gong, here’s hoping it becomes a major chord in the cacophony that influences my relationships from here on.

    Thanks man!

    February 1, 2015 at 9:14 am

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s