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Midweek Fix: Battle Of The Sexes – Round I



Battle Of The Sexes – Round One


What happened to us?



There was a time when men worshiped the ground women walked on. I mean, everybody had a dream girl. Everyone had a crush that gave them a rush. And stuff like that.



Everyone had their ‘go-to’ member of the opposite sex – someone who just had to listen for a few minutes and everything – EVERYTHING would be fine.



What happened to us?



The men think the women are sluts. The women think the men are dogs.



Of course; not everyone thinks that – but you do know what I mean.



Very few people invest energy in romantic relationships these days. We’d rather spend time complaining about how the opposite sex has done us wrong – and therefore we’re dedicating the rest of our lives to making them miserable.



Which would mean; or rather, which I understand to mean that we’d rather carry around bitterness for the rest of our rather short lives than take another chance at happiness.



We’d rather let some ignorant person/mistake dictate the course of our lives than actively make our own decisions and choices.



We’d rather react than act.



I know. We’ve all been there.



Someone; a friend of mine once said to me that the hatred between man and woman is far more than anything she’s seen in existence – far more than Hitler had for Jews and Negroes and everybody else; far more than some races and practices have for others.



Now that’s a scary thought.



Of course; some guy would say ‘I don’t hate women. I love women. I want to be with a woman most of the time. I want to spend my money on women’, right?



And really, there’s nothing wrong with all of that.



The only issue is – when it comes down to it, that particular guy probably regards women the same way he regards a slab of meat; something to be used when convenient, and then quickly forgotten about until the next time.



I remember when I was in secondary school. Back then it was as though the women were super-hyper intelligent (no offense to women now). I mean, at least if you were my age then and you wanted to ask a woman out, you needed all the help you could get.



You would scheme and plot and deliberate and form several committees – all because you were trying to get with one girl. You’d probably be confabbing with like six of your friends who also brought their older brothers’ experiences to bear on the situation.



All of which made for a fun experience.



What did we even do with girls back then?



I remember the first time I heard about sex – but that’s a discussion for another day; another post.



Of course, it would seem as though the girls then were taught to play hard to get. That was the way things were done then – and now; it’s not so wise.






I mean, what other reason could a girl have for making a guy wait – and not only that; bringing up all sorts of insurmountable odds in his way?



And if we agree that the girls back then were just playing hard to get, what are today’s girls doing?



A set of women are of the opinion that telling a guy/letting a guy know how they feel about him is setting themselves up for failure.


The guy will never appreciate something he did not work for; something he did not spend money, time and brain power to get.



So they dribble. Make excuses. Lie. Don’t pick his calls. Never call back.



These women probably watched Two Can Play That Game and made that like their relationship guide book.



Another set feel that guys are pigs anyway; and therefore give in to them – but make sure you’re getting value for money. Or better still; money for value.



Get whatever they can while they are in it, and move on to the next one when they are out.






There’s yet another set who believe men are good and kind and – all those other things. These ones believe that there’s someone out there for them, and the reason they’ve been treated wrong at the hands of some men is just that some men are first class a-holes.



Some men. Most men.



Not all men.



Some men think women are things to be used; so they do not understand it when a woman says ‘no’. It sounds like a bad record to them. I mean, these men believe women are not supposed to have choices or opinions or a voice – even when it comes to their bodies.



Some men believe spending money on a woman gives them the right to do whatever. Stories of ‘men’ forcing a girl out of their car on the Third Mainland Bridge (longest bridge in Lagos) in the middle of a night abound. Scary, spine-tingling stories of the insensitivity of some men.



Disgusting stories.



Does the phrase ‘vex money’ sound familiar?



Everybody has the right to believe what they believe – first thing however; don’t complain when your beliefs play out the exact way you expect them to. And the second thing is – you have no right to force your beliefs on another person.



Imagine a world in which a guy told a girl “Listen, I am taking you out to Silverbird to see Amazing Spiderman Two, and then treating you to a well-cooked dinner of your choice, at any restaurant of your choice – and then I am taking you home to knock you into my bedroom wall. Interested?”



I mean, wouldn’t both parties be happy and comfortable with whatever comes next?



Why do we hate each other so much?



Why do we treat each other so badly?



Does it make guys happy to see a girl cringe in fear when they approach? Do you feel more ‘manly’ when you act like they do in home videos, throw the girl her tattered clothes and say ‘put them on and get out!” in a chilly, Clint Eastwood-esque growl? And does it make you; lady, feel like you’ve won one for the female specie when you eat what you can of a guy’s finances? Since when did you start to feel the only reason to be with a man is so he can feed you – because you can’t do squat for yourself?



The musical video for When A Woman’s Fed Up by R. Kelly had a montage at the end – ‘There’s No Such Thing As A No-good Woman. Every No-good Woman Was Made So By A No-Good Man”.



For a while, I agreed with it. I mean, to a kid who had notions of saving the world, that sounded like a mission statement. But as I learnt more about myself and choices I realized it was nothing but some fancy-sounding bullshit. No disrespect to Kells.



I mean, that statement paints every ‘no-good’ woman as a victim. It simply takes control out of every heartbroken woman’s hands and places it the hands of every no-good man.



Pardon my French – but that’s bullshit. Some stinking-to-Mars-type level A type bullshit.



People will always be themselves. There are a-holes in every sex, race and religion. EVERY ONE.



Know too; that they are also people who have excuses to be mean and bitter. I mean, imagine the security guard at your office snapping at you because a colleague of yours snapped at him.



Would you make excuses for him – or would you give him what for?



What if you did make excuses for him the first time? And the second. And third. Till it becomes clear to you that this is just another of the a-holes we’ve been talking about all day.



What would you do? Snap at your boss because…?



We call customer care centers and expect those people to be nice to us – regardless whether they have been yelled at and insulted in every language since the beginning of the day (I particularly empathize with MTN and Etisalat care guys); and we cannot extend the same courtesy to people around us. People we’re supposed to be intimate with. People we share some personal parts of our lives with.



I don’t know. I just think there’s something awfully wrong with that picture.



I ask again.



What happened to us?



Guys? Ladies?



17 responses

  1. Life happened to us. That’s bullshit, I know. We just like justifying our actions.

    May 7, 2014 at 9:19 am

  2. We became selfish, that’s what!
    I remember the days when guys (after their confab) and girls(after their required shakara) would start pulling.
    It was pulling we called it- there really was no need for sex or smooshing or kissing etc- holding hands was like the ultimate(lol)
    But there was a lot of strolling, and talking, and playing, and daydreaming, and wrestling- it was almost a family affair- ’twas interesting- there was CREATIVITY

    Then, we became lazy, and selfish, and lazier and stopped thinking, and became MEAN, and according to you ‘A’holes’…

    May 7, 2014 at 11:06 am

    • Sad times.

      Think we can get us back?

      Thank you!

      May 7, 2014 at 12:07 pm


    The days when men wrote poetry and long love letters and women sneaking out and damning the consequences just so they could take walks with their guy.
    I worry about my children and what Their romantic reality would be.
    Yet I’m hopeful.

    May 7, 2014 at 12:40 pm

  4. I miss those days. I worry about my daughter. She believes being in love means dancing a waltz and holding hands in the moonlight, gazing at stars. With the way things are going, will she find that? I’m hopeful.

    May 7, 2014 at 1:22 pm

    • She will if she wants that!

      E still dey o…

      May 7, 2014 at 4:30 pm

  5. I get the”blues ” every now and then. I just bring out old love letters and poems and I’m laughing hysterically by the time I’m halfway through.

    May 7, 2014 at 1:24 pm

  6. bshaba

    Technology happened. Corruption and greed happened. Hunger and unemployment happened. I guess some of us are lucky to still enjoy the handwritten notes, the cards and the very long walks accompanied with loads of laughter and spontaneous random actions.
    How do we get back? We reminisce, we share the old tales with the new generation, we present life as it was in the most desirable way and maybe, just maybe a guy will be encouraged to treat a woman right and a woman will feel the need to act more like a lady.

    Thank you for sharing this. I’m looking forward to the next few episodes. I hope you know every time you write, a life is touched and blessed to be a blessing. Keep up the good work Sir.

    May 7, 2014 at 9:03 pm

    • Thank you so so much.

      It’s all God.

      May 7, 2014 at 10:26 pm

  7. Olayinka okueso

    I was telling a Friend about you nd words bak den in Jogs nd opened okada books nd saw ur book, was so proud *lik chest pumping proud * dt u wre always so good with em, onto d mata, i lik d way u bring dos stuffs bak nd ur freedom wit som words considered too strong really helped to convey ur tots, i wld b over flogging if i add anything, @bshaba said it all, technology(made access easy) , corruption, greed subsequently unemployment (made d country nd young men loose deir soul and some silly lazy shameless gals loose d last shred of dignity dey gat. Av seen educated Atimes brilliant gals married to an illiterate she dnt love nd after getting d money d marriage becomes sour nd she starts running Ard lukin for romance which she declined den.Sadly as long as money nd TV rules wre neva getting dos days bak.

    May 8, 2014 at 5:48 am

    • Wow.

      Thank you so much, Yinka.

      Bless God.

      May 8, 2014 at 6:06 am

  8. I think that’s why I’ve not opened my heart totally to anyone because I still want all those “cliche” things. The love letters, the sneaking around to get my attention, the surprise dinner by the beach, the singing in the mall, dancing and eating and professing our love with the stars as our witness. I’m so old school but I believe I’ll get a man that makes my heart sing just by smiling, that won’t mind doing cliche things for me.

    May 11, 2014 at 9:18 pm

    • I believe such a man still exists.

      Thank you!

      May 12, 2014 at 1:40 am

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