Midweek Fix: The Blues About The Red
I’m not complaining. Not really.
There’s just a certain kind of mood that comes on me at certain times of the year. You know, those nights when it seems all you can do is look over the neighbor’s roofs at the lights winking in the distance and wonder what exactly is happening on the other side of where you are.
The times; oh those oh-ah times you remember a face, a smile…a name (if you’re so lucky), and smile wistful smiles that are beautiful in a sad way. Smiles that suddenly take you from the ‘now‘ back to the ‘then‘ – and you beat your head; actually pound it a few times better than your momma ever could.
And you ask yourself why you left.
Have you ever noticed how more often than not, the reasons don’t sound as convincing as they used to?
Those nights you cannot help but wonder if there’s someone else somewhere else, someone so far yet so close – someone you’ve never met yet someone you know almost as well as your mother (we all have mothers; no?), someone who – at that exact moment, you feel one with?
So many people have come; so many have gone. So many people will still do both. I realize that a lot of times, in trying to hold on too hard you lose. And sometimes, letting go is not the best thing. Because what you think and what actually is are hardly ever the same.
The trick is finding that delicate balance.
Another February 14 looms, and I am caught back in that loom; that unstopping machine weaving the fine fabrics of time and events. So many questions. So little answers. I stand at my window and look over the horizon at the winking lights in the sky.
And then…I feel a lightening of my spirit.
Maybe someone just wrote a letter in a bottle and dropped it in the ocean – and it’s headed my way. Maybe someone on the other end of my position just read a text I sent some years ago in the heat of one of those moments, and laughed happily. Maybe someone just thought about me – thought about ME; and smiled. Maybe God just put my face to the image of a husband someone has been asking Him for.
Maybe ‘it’s time’. Who knows?
I’m not so alone after all.