The last time I heard my mum’s voice was over the phone. The last words she said were ‘pray for me’.
I didn’t. Not really.
The one thing that keeps haunting me – tormenting me; so to speak, is the thought that I said I was going to take her to see a movie at the cinemas. I said I would make time out of my busy schedule – and I would take her to see a movie of her choice.
I never did. There wasn’t ‘time’.
Maybe taking her there would have helped her stay around longer. Maybe not. Maybe it would have made NO difference whatsoever to her living or lack of it, but I would have had at least one more memory to cherish – one more smile to think about and be happy when I think about her not being here. I wish, with all of me, with all of my heart that she stayed a bit more so I could enjoy having a mother for a while longer.
No such luck. She left without warning.
It’s been a while – a year actually, and it feels like I never had a mother. It feels like it’s been forever.
To be honest, I have had to do a lot of growing in the past year – learn stuff I’ve always taken for granted just because I someone who covered my behind for the most of it. And as I go through the lessons and motions, I learn more about myself and the bigger picture called life, I’ve had a better understanding of where I fit in and what I owe. And I realize – while I might have lost my best friend – while death might have taken something from me, God replaced it with life.
I’m at peace with it. I’m grateful for the opportunity, to be born of the woman who birthed me. I learnt so much from her, and even now I’m still learning. I see a lot of things clearer now, I understand that life is too short to bear grudges, I understand to make memories with people I care about because ‘bleak’ as this sounds I WON’T always have them with me.
They say ‘life is hard’. I ask, ‘how did you know? With what standard did you measure it? Who told you’?
Let the people you love know you love them. Don’t say ‘I don’t have time’. Make the time. We all have 24 hours, yet The Wright Brothers built a plane.
Spend time with special people, smile while you can. No matter how that relationship plays out, make sure you have more to smile about than to cry about.
And most of all, thank God for those special people. You won’t always have them with you. Not physically anyways.
Rest In Peace, Momma. I am making you proud.