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Cereal Killer





I’m working in my kitchen at the moment. Working.


I’m bent over the sink, cleaning something. To my right is the cooker on which boils some spaghetti – a meal I’m making for the prostitute I brought home last night.


I know what you’re thinking. What man in his right mind brings a prostitute home in the first place – and then makes a meal for said prostitute?


A man like me I guess. Aren’t prostitutes human?


But who cares; right? It’s the whole idea – your harebrained concept of ‘right’ and ‘wrong’. That is what it boils down to; no?


It’s okay. I understand completely. Do allow me illustrate something to you.


If you grew up in a house where it is the norm to take pieces of meat from the pot whenever you felt like it, you would think it was the same everywhere else. Therefore, if you went to a friend’s house and did the same thing, and you were called names and insulted – wouldn’t you think they were crazy?


So therefore – see above the fluidity of the concept of ‘right’ and ‘wrong’.


I mean, take Lagos State for example. Okadas are banned; okadas are illegal according to the state government; but here and there you see the police and military men riding on bikes. In other words, ‘okadas are only illegal if you are a civilian’.


Which brings to mind another concept – “all animals are equal but some are more equal than others”.


Yeah. My country in a nutshell.


So – I’m in my kitchen, I’m hard at work. To my right is the cooker on which spaghetti boils – a meal I’m making for the ashewo I brought home last night. I chose her because she was easily the prettiest of the whole lot – and she was not wearing that much makeup. Her lips were full and they glimmered redly in the Opebi roundabout streetlights.


I don’t like the color red much – especially when it’s brash and hardly subtle. But on her, it looked interesting enough to make me make an exception. And so I brought her home.


I pause in my work and snatch the bowl of Golden Morn beside me. I shove a few spoonfuls into my mouth and munch on it greedily, and then I quickly check the boiling pasta. It is ready.


Indeedy. All animals are equal but some are more equal than others.


I mean, if Tuface died tomorrow the whole world would know, right? But if you died this moment – who apart from your immediately family would give a hoot? Who; asides from that hopeful would take note; would take a minute to morn you?


Every human being must fight to live; must fight for the right to be alive. If you are just there and things just happened to you and you never make anything happen – you don’t deserve to be alive.


I mean, Tuface touches lives; either positively or negatively. Whose life have you touched lately?


Heh. I’m almost done with my work. In a few minutes I will serve my pretty prostitute breakfast and then ask her the same questions I have been posing to you guys all morning. I’m not worried that she won’t answer. I have a couple of ways with which I intend to convince her.


One is the breakfast I’m preparing. The other is the thing I have been working on all morning.


What work?


I have been sharpening my largest kitchen knife.




23 responses

  1. Ah! Aye o! Right now, I’m hanging on a thin thread held down from the clouds. To catch me, finish this story.

    April 1, 2013 at 6:43 am

    • Definitely.

      Wouldn’t want you to fall now do we?

      April 1, 2013 at 11:29 pm

  2. dude u left us hangin na…cereal killer…

    April 1, 2013 at 7:17 am

    • Sorry about that!

      Just chill a bit!

      April 1, 2013 at 11:26 pm

  3. guess d rest is left to our imagination

    April 1, 2013 at 7:17 am

  4. Cereal killer indeed! More like ‘serial’ killer… Nice piece.

    April 1, 2013 at 8:25 am

  5. OK, Seun. I’m extremely worried! And white colored food, eh? Hehe…

    April 1, 2013 at 8:26 am

    • Worried?

      About what?

      Hehe. Thank you!

      April 1, 2013 at 11:25 pm

  6. afronuts

    Did you end it that way for us to figiure out a puzzle or there’s a 2nd part to this story?

    April 1, 2013 at 12:26 pm

    • Of course there’s more.

      2nd part?! E never start! Thank you!

      April 1, 2013 at 11:24 pm

  7. renike

    Seun, i cant wait to read d concluding part of this story…… y do u av to leave me hanging like that???

    April 2, 2013 at 10:08 am

    • I apologise. Not intentional!

      We’ll see. Thank you.

      April 2, 2013 at 4:23 pm

  8. You this Seun boy! You don start again o! Lol. Wow! You got me hooked already. So let’s finish this, aiit!

    April 2, 2013 at 12:41 pm

  9. Will love to read more. Well done, Seun.

    April 2, 2013 at 10:21 pm

  10. Pingback: Cereal Killer II: Who Knows? | Seun Odukoya

  11. White coloured food…, cereal, and the knife he’s been sharpening… this was some sort of April fool short story. I know the rest will be good. I’m waiting…

    April 10, 2013 at 9:35 am

  12. Don’t finish it! I like it like this!!!!! The suspense is what crowns it all…

    Say you’ll leave it like this?

    April 16, 2013 at 7:07 pm

    • There’s a ‘sequel’ of sorts already up…but…

      April 18, 2013 at 6:09 am

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