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Speak of the Devil

 

 

 

Speak Of the Devil

 

You think you know me but you have no idea. Your minds are too small to comprehend exactly how big I am. How vast.

 

Know what the best part of the ‘small minds’ debacle is?

 

It’s the fact that your mind is not small by itself. It’s so large that you can fit in an inordinate amount of stuff into it; ergo you can conceive anything with it, from it, by it. The joke is you don’t understand that, so you continue to delude yourself into all sorts of passivity. Just watching things go by.

 

Watching your life wind down just like a clock.

 

I’m not complaining. Actually it’s great for business. But I digress.

 

I was telling you how impressive I am.

 

I understand you measure importance by material substance; just another example of how you ‘abuse’ your minds, but that’s not my problem. I understand that, so allow me ask; do you know how much property I own?

 

A mansion? A street in Dubai? A…a bank?!

 

Did I hear someone say ‘estate’? You insult me.

 

Do you know planet earth; the world, mother earth? That planet with moving wagons and noisy boxes and funny smelling things that talk and walk…despicable beings? Yes…that one.

 

I own it.

 

I control and rule it.

 

That and a fascinating percentage of those weak, smelly things that inhabit it. I know, I know. I don’t look it, right? You wouldn’t think someone that looks as good and innocent and shiny and radiant as me would have that kind of power would you?

 

See what I was saying about your minds?

 

Ah, I see a beginning; the dawning of comprehension within those eyes of yours but do not rob me of my moment. Allow me to re-introduce myself.

I’m Lu Cipher, a prince.

 

You look surprised. Was that not part of your history/theology class?

 

Okay. You know me by my more popular monikers: devil, Satan, ‘Lucifer’, Morning Sun (I actually like that one), prince of liars, king of thieves…c’mon. C’mon!

 

They even call me ‘the accuser’. Isn’t that funny?

 

So someone who has evidence; honest evidence to present to the court in a murder case is an ‘accuser’. Justice sucks, right?

 

Pah. Humans. They talk about me as if I don’t have any feelings, which I don’t actually – I had them driven out of me a while ago. We’ll talk about that in due time.

 

The other day I took a walk through my property; I like to be close with my subjects, and I saw this movie; ‘Devil’s Advocate’ or something equally…suggestive. I sat and watched it, wondering if it was another slander material designed to make me look worse than I already do, but I actually enjoyed it. It was the truth; plain and simply put. I still have not made up my mind what to do for that writer.

 

I know you have been fed with all kinds of balderdash as to who I am and why I do what I do; courtesy of a little busy-body called ‘the spirit’, but you have not heard my part of the story. After all, the winners write history.

 

This is why I decided to pen this autobiography, so that in case anything happens to me, you would have the truth of the matter. What really happened.

 

First of all; look at me. Closely. Here, I’m not gonna steal your soul just like that. That was Shang Tsung in Mortal Kombat! I like it.

 

Anyways, look. Do you see a tail? Horns? Do I have…hooves?! Haba!

 

You humans annoy me so much, it’s crazy I bother being nice to you, catering to all your wants and all that. I’m just a really nice person

.

And by the way, it does not hurt so much any more since I had the chance to play a similar joke on you guys. Who do you think is responsible for the ‘white Jesus’ idea?

 

Hahahahaha! You’re shocked?! I like that. In fact, I like you. So did you actually think he was white…or are you shocked by the fact that I can call his name without flinching?

 

Tricks of the trade, friend. Meanwhile…

 

I saw a t-shirt on some young Mohawk wearing idiot the other day; it had that red horned head (quite annoying, I must tell you!) grinning along with the inscription “God is busy. How may I help you?”

 

Now while I was incensed with the picture, I fully appreciated the caption. I’m nothing but a humble service provider, catering to the whims and caprices of my constituents. And why not?

 

Is that not what any good leader does?

 

Don’t ask where I’m leading you to. We’ll get to all that in due time. Let’s start from where it started. The real beginning.

 

First of all just to be clear on something, it didn’t start with a ‘war’. That came later.

 

It started with envy; the envy of a boss for his assistant. That was how it started.

 

 

Photo courtesy Warner Bros Studios

Photo courtesy Warner Bros Studios

 

You may also like:

There Are Rats In Shoprite

All That Fucking

Aftermath

 

_____

Inspired by Kaycee Uzor’s Unholy Bible.

 

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10 responses

  1. I like this………… I would love to chip in an episode if you don’t mind………….. Brilliant.

    March 25, 2013 at 4:12 am

    • I’m afraid taking this any further might dim the purpose. It’s a sort of promotion material for the original book – The Unholy Bible: King Lucifer’s Version by Kaycee Uzor.

      Thank you so much though T. I really appreciate you.

      March 25, 2013 at 12:20 pm

  2. iLike

    March 25, 2013 at 4:52 am

  3. What I love about your writing is your venture into the unconventional and you do it with such ease! I wish I’ll be brave enough to try that someday.

    Another fine read.

    March 25, 2013 at 7:55 am

    • Thank you sir.

      It’s God. Nothing less.

      March 25, 2013 at 12:21 pm

  4. Blaize

    from the beginning; as i read, i was like, ‘what is Seun up to this time again?’ but down the lines i got to understand that it was the best part of the ‘small mind’ working again. lol.

    nice work bro, quit revealing.

    March 25, 2013 at 9:22 am

  5. Osita

    A very good one!

    March 25, 2013 at 9:43 pm

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