Midweek Fix: I’m Only Human (My Excuse)
I’m Only Human
See; things happen.
And as long as we live; things will keep happening. The thing is though, what WE do about what happens is what counts.
Now you’re mad at me, which is understandable. In fact, you have every right to be mad. But while you’re going thru your anger, consider this.
We come from two totally different backgrounds; we are two completely different people. We’re trying to unite/merge two totally different worlds, and in that, collision is unavoidable. There are things to adjust…things to correct….things to totally change.
That won’t come easy.
The only way this thing can work is if we try to understand; or try to be more understanding. Can two work together unless they agree? But to agree, walls will have to come down – there has to be a lot of communication.
And there it is.
Look; don’t get me wrong. I need this to work too. Whatever it is we are to each other, we come together to make things happen. So I do not take this lightly; neither do I you. But you need to understand what I’m saying here. This is new for me and you; and though there may exist an incredible depth of connection and understanding achieved in an incredibly short time, there must still be that understanding that THIS IS NEW FOR US. I can’t just get it once like that. Of course, I will annoy you. Of course, there are things you would expect me to understand. But then, how can I when you have not told me?!
You would think; ‘he should know better if he cares for me so much’….do you know what you’re saying?
And the worst part; you place everything in my hands. You give me your heart, your soul, EVERYTHING, and tell me to be careful with it. Talk about responsibility. ENORMOUS responsibility.
How fair/reasonable are you? I don’t have it all figured out; in fact I’m a kid in the dark searching for his way. I have to worry about my goals, dreams, aspirations…I have to worry about my immediate family; .my parent/siblings…I have to worry about the fact that the clock seems to be hurrying and I’m seemingly stuck in a rut. I’m not any nearer where I need to be.
And on top of all that, I have to worry about the fact that you’re not happy; you’re lonely…your severely-scarred heart has been placed in my too-full hands and I must be careful. Really careful with it.
Understand what I’m saying. It’s responsibility I gladly welcome; because it shows that you’re willing to let go of all the terrible memories life has given you concerning relationships and give it one more shot. But; don’t you think it’s a bit too-much responsibility when you lay the eradication of ALL those things on little me’?
Know this: I’m also a victim of ‘such-and-such’, life and love; men; if you will, have dealt me several SEVERE blows; left me with memories and scars, scars that may never heal. But I realize that that was THEM. That was their own shortcomings. I forgive them for all that; in fact, I thank them because some of the things they did to me – while terrible and frightening, liberated me…helped me further on the path of becoming who I needed to be. They’re gone. I’m still here.
Why hold on to the hurt, and not the pleasure; the joy?
I’m privileged to be here right now, in this place, with you. In fact, I feel like new…like none of this; or anything like it has ever happened to me before. I’m absolutely loving it, and if it is all there is now, I would rather have nothing else. And as wonderful and as unique as it is, there might be more out there for both of us. In other words; things might end between us as suddenly as they began…not because we did not try; but because it was not meant to be or maybe it was not meant to be a permanent thing. Maybe we are just supposed to help each other thru a bad patch.
But I know I wouldn’t be anywhere else. Now.
So the bottom line of the ‘story’ I’ve been telling since is this: Don’t expect too much or too little from me; I give my best. 100%. Nothing more, nothing less.
I also need you to understand; I’m nothing like what you’re used to; so don’t compare or juxtapose. This is me; all day every day. Even when I’m pissed at you, you’re getting me in my realest form. So I might hurt you…might make you angry. Might even break your heart. That does not make me a bad person.
That does not mean I did not try. I did.
And more importantly – be hurt. Cry. By all means. But after the tears, get up and go. Don’t lose the memories…the laughter…the best times. And forgive me.
After all; I’m only human.