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14 Days: The 9th Day

valentine-day6

And so the 9th day began like this…

She’s on her way to work.

She feels as though the week is moving slowly but she does not pay much attention to the thought. After all, it’s not as though she’s going somewhere for the weekend.

So she cruises through the traffic – the little of it she encounters because she leaves her house early enough to avoid the worst of it. But there’s a slight disturbance on her end of Adetokunbo Ademola, so she has to drive down to the bar beach and then past Eko Hotel – and then to the other end of the street.

So she finally makes her way back to her street o, and she’s cruising at a fair speed. But she’s barely past Jade’s Place when this Keke Marwa jumps out of a side street right in front of her car. She slams the brakes – but it’s not quick enough. She rams into the end of the Keke, throwing it askew.

She’s frozen behind the steering wheel – she cannot think or move. The Keke guy, who is totally in the wrong stands in front of her vehicle screaming curses and hand gestures. Horns are blaring, and though she cannot hear the most of it she is scared. And as is typical in cases like this, within moments her car is surrounded by other Keke drivers.

She thinks she is about to die. Or something just as dramatic.
Fortunately, the cops are never too far away on that stretch of road, so they come up and break up the little tricycle party. Slowly, they coax her to move her vehicle, but she’s still so shaky she almost drives the car into the gutter. She manages to park it properly and bursts into tears.

When she calms down a bit, she reaches for her phone and calls Chinedu. “I…I need help,” she stutters into the phone, trying to muffle her snuffles. “I’m at the…end of Adetokunbo. Not our end…the other end.”

It takes Chinedu about eight minutes to get to her, eight minutes during which she’s calmed down a lot more considerably. She opens the driver-side door for him, and he’s about to crack a joke when he notices her disheveled state and puffy eyes. He gets behind the steering and takes her to work without a word.

When they get to the office, he calls the security guard and has him carry all her stuff into the building. And then he supports her gently, half-carrying her into the office and into their own section and unto the couch there. Toke looks up, mouth open and starts to fuss like the mother hen she looks like. Chinedu then steps back outside to examine the damage.

She lies down on the couch, feeling very feminine and hence, quite vulnerable. She remembers the angry faces of the Keke drivers as they surrounded her vehicle earlier – and can’t help but wonder if they would have done the same thing if it were a male behind the steering wheel.

She shudders. Thank God for men; she thinks.

Thank God for us men.

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10 responses

  1. harun oye

    Thank God for us men.

    February 6, 2013 at 8:51 am

  2. How na? As in, in what way? Abegi!

    February 6, 2013 at 9:36 am

    • Hehehehehehehe!

      Can you not be typical for once, dear?

      February 7, 2013 at 4:23 am

  3. funny how you use a scene to create such significance, hum. nice…as usual!

    February 6, 2013 at 10:58 am

  4. IN PARAGRAPH 4: “So she finally makes her way back to her street o…”

    What purpose does the last word “o” serve in the sentence?

    IN PARAGRAPH 5: Expunge “who is totally in the wrong” from the paragraph. It is too much subjective, and telling. The sentence will be finer without this phrase.

    IN PARAGRAPH 6: “Fortunately, the cops are never too far away…”

    But we don’t refer to our law enforcement agents as “cops”. Unless this story is set in a futuristic Lagos, to say “The Police”, Traffic Officers (LASTMA) will do nicely.

    IN PARAGRAPH 9: “When they get to the office, he calls the security guard and has…”

    the “has” in this sentence is a grammo, I’m sure. You may wanna rethink it.

    IN PARAGRAPH 10: ” feeling very feminine…”

    “feminine” is redundant and unnecessary to drive home the point that she feels emotionally fragile and vulnerable.

    I enjoyed the telling of this tale. You have mastered the art of story telling. But I advise, mind the intention of telling a tale, and the target audience too. I am sure you were writing this particular episode to the intent of playing up feminine incapability, and your target audience are The Pigs (chauvinists) hence you rounded off with:

    “Thank God for us men.”

    February 6, 2013 at 11:13 am

    • The narrative is in an informal voice – that’s why a lot of the ‘issues’ you have with this are there. The ‘o’, the ‘cops’ – and who says you don’t refer to your lawmen as cops? Speak for yourself. I call them cops. Almost everyone I know calls them that.

      RRIIINNNG!!!! Error.
      Hehehehehehehehe!

      Also, ‘I am sure you were writing this particular episode to the intent of playing up feminine incapability, and your target audience are The Pigs (chauvinists) hence you rounded off with:’

      Absolutely wrong. I am not playing anything. I am simply telling a story from a female’s perspective.

      How is the ‘has’ in paragraph nine a ‘grammo’ – whatever that means?!

      As far as paragraph 5 is concerned, the word is there to show/remind the reader who’s story is being told. It is intentional – and so therefore very subjective. That’s the idea.

      Thanks Christo! Call again!

      February 7, 2013 at 4:22 am

  5. I hate the fact that the story has such a chauvinistic twist… not nice.
    ‘She lies down on the couch, feeling very feminine and hence, quite vulnerable.’ the phrase feeling very feminine is rather TOO patronizing to women folk. So a man on the opposite side would feel MASCULINE because he was able to bully another? Poor choice of words; I think
    If you really wanted to tell it from a woman’s POV, you could have tried getting into a woman’s mind first… that would have made it real. then your descriptions would have been less condescending.
    PS: Is this the same character you painted as strong in other installments of this series?

    February 7, 2013 at 9:55 am

    • I’m really sorry you feel that way Iquo.

      Your opinions are noted. I would like to ask you; however – that how do you know I did not
      get into a female’s mind – or in fact; several female minds?

      Vulnerability cuts across both sexes, my dear and I have no qualms about depicting that when I need to. I feel vulnerable at times and my facebook status for most of 2012 would lend credence how unashamed I am of the feeling.

      In this context however, the subject is female and vulnerable was how she felt at the moment. No need to fight for her – she can handle her business. Hehehehehehehe!

      Thanks darling!

      February 7, 2013 at 10:48 am

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