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‘A’ For Witch

Good morning!

Remember the ‘A-Less Story’ I posted a week ago (if you missed it please click here)?

It was inspired by a Facebook status – I read it and considered that it could be a story. The author agreed – and so we both decided to write.

You read mine a week ago.

Read the status’ author’s.

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Imagine Not Being Able To Write 'A'

The ‘A’ Story

A is for Witch

Dear Lord, there’s like a million words with the letter A in them! It took losing the A key on that useless phone to realize that.  Why won’t these village witches find someone else to harass? I mean, I have a large enough family.  Oh, you don’t believe witches exist?  Walk with me.

 

It’s 9.30 am and so far I’ve woken up late, sworn at my flatmate and set off the fire alarm all because that useless phone froze and didn’t let the alarm and timer go off.  Yes, yes, I didn’t think it strange at the time that I’d woken up four times at 5.30am ‘sharp’ or that the 8 minutes required to boil an egg hadn’t elapsed even after I’d showered, made up and found a clean pair of shoes.

 

Anyway, I’ve stuffed what I think is my black scarf in my handbag and dashed out. I’m going shopping.  Just as I’m exiting the gate and entering the world, I pull out the ‘scarf’ to wrap up.  Only problem is I’m not wrapping up in the scarf, I’m wrapping up in my old black bra!

 

Not even the new wonder bra I bought to entice that cute usher at church (he must see that vision this year), but the old, tired, stretched out one I bought at a bargain store in a moment of dire desperation three years ago (story for another day.  And yes, I’m still wearing it, do your worst!).  But here I am, emerging from the gate, clutching a tired old black bra in both hands like a weapon of war.  I swear I can almost feel everything slow down.  Luckily, there’s only one elderly couple around to stare at me in utter contempt. I scurry back in to get an actual scarf.

 

Of course, by the time I get back out I’ve missed my bus so I hang my head in shame for an everlasting ten minutes till the next bus comes and I get in. Right next to me is that same old mean couple. Mrs. Old Couple sits opposite me and just stares and stares.  What’s her problem?  Is that the 1st bra she has seen?  I’m tempted to take off the one I’m wearing now and smack her in the face with it. I pick up the phone and start chatting instead.  My sis is online and there’s so much gossip, I soon forget the couple – and indeed myself, because the next time I lift up my head I’m two bus stops past my intended destination. Damn it. 

 

I get off and cross the road and, well; since I’m already here I might as well continue chatting while I wait for another bus.  So I chat. And I chat.  And I suddenly realise that my sis is giving me one word answers now.  I know I’ve overstayed my welcome so I look up from the phone and it’s just then I see the big yellow sign that’s been hanging there all the while:  “Last bus 12 noon”. 

 

Of course the useless phone won’t freeze this time. It gleefully tells me it’s 12.34pm. 

 

No problem. I refuse to let the useless phone get the better of me; those village witches won’t win this one.  I begin the trek back to the supermarket since I don’t have a dime on me and can’t take a cab.  I arrive the store all sweaty and sore, but that’s ok, I just need to get some money from the ATM and I can shop and take a cab back home.  Only problem this time is the ATM beeps 3 times and rejects my card.

 

I try again and the same thing happens.  I try a third time even though the lady behind me is giving me the evil eye (she’s skinny and short, I can beat her if need be), this time the machine warns me that if I try one more time it will basically eat my card.  At that point it occurs to me to look at the card and I realize I’ve taken the wrong one out.  This one isn’t even activated yet.  But that’s ok, my flatmate is visiting friends close by, I can always call and ask her to bring some money along and meet me.  She’s stingy but I’ll sweeten it with the promise of a bottle of vodka.  I like to lie. 

 

Anyway, I get the phone out to call her only to see its frozen. Again.  Now, fiddling with it for four to five minutes usually does the trick and get it unstuck, but today I wasn’t taking any more nonsense from it or the witches. So like Moses did the rock, I struck it three times and it came unstuck.  So did the letter A key.

 

I think I vividly remember a village witch whispering in my ear the day I made my phone password ‘AMALGAMATED’.

 

__________________________________________________________________________________________________

 

 Elizabeth Ike is a friend, Chemical Engineer and a self-confessed spoilt brat who writes only when she has something on her mind or when she’s alone – which is like once in two years. I need you to please hound her for me; she needs to crank out great stuff like this more regularly.

 

Or what do you guys think?

 

You can follow her on twitter here: @zeenike

 

Thank you! Have an amazing week!

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21 responses

  1. No hounding… Nice stuff…was expecting a little more though…from the begining you made me detest the letter “A”, along the line you just lost me and the letter and I personally feel that the letter A is undeserving of the title. It just doesn’t cut it for me. But nevertheless…it was a good read and worth my time.

    January 21, 2013 at 5:43 am

    • I understand what you mean. Thank you, Tolu!

      January 21, 2013 at 11:56 am

    • Liz

      Thanx, Tolu. Noted.

      January 21, 2013 at 12:36 pm

  2. joke olukoSi

    Nice story ElizabEth. The old bra part got me laughing out loud. Never knew you wEre such a grEat writer. I think you should do this regularly..kudos

    January 21, 2013 at 7:04 am

    • What’s with the EnlargEd ‘E’?!?!

      Thank you!!!

      January 21, 2013 at 11:55 am

    • Liz

      Lol! Thanx, Joke. Believe me, d bra issue really happened and it wasn’t funny! I’ll def write some more, thanx.

      January 21, 2013 at 12:40 pm

  3. ibrahim Ganiyu

    LOL! Witty, well written piece! Love it! Even though my comment is missing the cursed letter, Its not wrought by the missing of the button on my phone!!! LOL!

    January 21, 2013 at 7:37 am

    • Well done Sai Gai!!!!

      January 21, 2013 at 11:55 am

    • Liz

      I’m indebted to you for choosing to spend time on my story. Yes, I’ve returned the cursed key using superglue but I don’t trust it still!

      January 21, 2013 at 12:51 pm

  4. Awesome read! Witty and engaging. Indeed, I have to agree the letter ‘A’ is so overrated (is it?) and yes, it sucks that it happens to be the most important letter in our alphabet. I can so relate to the ‘A’ key (or any other key for that matter) getting stuck on your phone. It’s happened to me a good number of times and trust me, it’s then you realise the value of such keys; a value you might never even notice had such an unfortunate event not happened. You write well, Elizabeth. Now following you pronto!

    January 21, 2013 at 7:55 am

    • Thank you Geebee!

      Don’t just follow sha o; HOUND!!!!

      January 21, 2013 at 11:54 am

    • Liz

      Thank you so much, Geebee! To imagine that it’s the S key that’s acting up now!

      January 21, 2013 at 12:53 pm

  5. Why do people feel the need to use passwords on their mobile devices? I mean, I always find passwords as too much wahala, my fone is on constant chat and having to type a certain word to unlock becomes a bore after a while.

    That said, I think the lady should write more. She has good material.

    January 21, 2013 at 9:36 am

    • Thank you Daireen man!!!

      January 21, 2013 at 11:53 am

    • Liz

      Mehn, there was a lot of contraband on the phone at the time, oh. I think there might still be even. I’m really glad you think I should write more, I will.

      January 21, 2013 at 12:56 pm

      • Good. and as for the contraband, may I see.
        I’ve always enjoyed pokenosing, so if you will share, I will be more than willing to LOOK. :d
        Don’t mind me.

        January 21, 2013 at 1:15 pm

  6. Adebayo Adesola Feyisayo

    An impressive read you’ve got here, only that the correlation between the letter ‘A’ and the witches wasn’t spelt out totally. And really, ‘AMALGAMATED’ was some word….. No wonder the phone couldn’t bear the strain.

    January 21, 2013 at 9:52 am

    • Thank you much!!

      January 21, 2013 at 11:50 am

    • Liz

      Thank you, Feyisayo. I just wanted to have a title that didn’t tell the entire story on it’s own, you know. And with the amount of contraband on my fone I needed a password that crazy!

      January 21, 2013 at 1:01 pm

  7. kept me laughing all through. good one. you should write every morning, it will scare the witches away…lol

    January 24, 2013 at 12:31 pm

    • She will get your message…

      Thank you!

      January 25, 2013 at 12:38 am

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