‘A’ For Witch
Remember the ‘A-Less Story’ I posted a week ago (if you missed it please click here)?
It was inspired by a Facebook status – I read it and considered that it could be a story. The author agreed – and so we both decided to write.
You read mine a week ago.
Read the status’ author’s.
The ‘A’ Story
A is for Witch
Dear Lord, there’s like a million words with the letter A in them! It took losing the A key on that useless phone to realize that. Why won’t these village witches find someone else to harass? I mean, I have a large enough family. Oh, you don’t believe witches exist? Walk with me.
It’s 9.30 am and so far I’ve woken up late, sworn at my flatmate and set off the fire alarm all because that useless phone froze and didn’t let the alarm and timer go off. Yes, yes, I didn’t think it strange at the time that I’d woken up four times at 5.30am ‘sharp’ or that the 8 minutes required to boil an egg hadn’t elapsed even after I’d showered, made up and found a clean pair of shoes.
Anyway, I’ve stuffed what I think is my black scarf in my handbag and dashed out. I’m going shopping. Just as I’m exiting the gate and entering the world, I pull out the ‘scarf’ to wrap up. Only problem is I’m not wrapping up in the scarf, I’m wrapping up in my old black bra!
Not even the new wonder bra I bought to entice that cute usher at church (he must see that vision this year), but the old, tired, stretched out one I bought at a bargain store in a moment of dire desperation three years ago (story for another day. And yes, I’m still wearing it, do your worst!). But here I am, emerging from the gate, clutching a tired old black bra in both hands like a weapon of war. I swear I can almost feel everything slow down. Luckily, there’s only one elderly couple around to stare at me in utter contempt. I scurry back in to get an actual scarf.
Of course, by the time I get back out I’ve missed my bus so I hang my head in shame for an everlasting ten minutes till the next bus comes and I get in. Right next to me is that same old mean couple. Mrs. Old Couple sits opposite me and just stares and stares. What’s her problem? Is that the 1st bra she has seen? I’m tempted to take off the one I’m wearing now and smack her in the face with it. I pick up the phone and start chatting instead. My sis is online and there’s so much gossip, I soon forget the couple – and indeed myself, because the next time I lift up my head I’m two bus stops past my intended destination. Damn it.
I get off and cross the road and, well; since I’m already here I might as well continue chatting while I wait for another bus. So I chat. And I chat. And I suddenly realise that my sis is giving me one word answers now. I know I’ve overstayed my welcome so I look up from the phone and it’s just then I see the big yellow sign that’s been hanging there all the while: “Last bus 12 noon”.
Of course the useless phone won’t freeze this time. It gleefully tells me it’s 12.34pm.
No problem. I refuse to let the useless phone get the better of me; those village witches won’t win this one. I begin the trek back to the supermarket since I don’t have a dime on me and can’t take a cab. I arrive the store all sweaty and sore, but that’s ok, I just need to get some money from the ATM and I can shop and take a cab back home. Only problem this time is the ATM beeps 3 times and rejects my card.
I try again and the same thing happens. I try a third time even though the lady behind me is giving me the evil eye (she’s skinny and short, I can beat her if need be), this time the machine warns me that if I try one more time it will basically eat my card. At that point it occurs to me to look at the card and I realize I’ve taken the wrong one out. This one isn’t even activated yet. But that’s ok, my flatmate is visiting friends close by, I can always call and ask her to bring some money along and meet me. She’s stingy but I’ll sweeten it with the promise of a bottle of vodka. I like to lie.
Anyway, I get the phone out to call her only to see its frozen. Again. Now, fiddling with it for four to five minutes usually does the trick and get it unstuck, but today I wasn’t taking any more nonsense from it or the witches. So like Moses did the rock, I struck it three times and it came unstuck. So did the letter A key.
I think I vividly remember a village witch whispering in my ear the day I made my phone password ‘AMALGAMATED’.
Elizabeth Ike is a friend, Chemical Engineer and a self-confessed spoilt brat who writes only when she has something on her mind or when she’s alone – which is like once in two years. I need you to please hound her for me; she needs to crank out great stuff like this more regularly.
Or what do you guys think?
You can follow her on twitter here: @zeenike
Thank you! Have an amazing week!