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There Are Rats In Shoprite

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THERE ARE RATS IN SHOPRITE

 

Kemi was sort of unusual.

 

That is, in a place where it was as though every girl had baggage and so on, she was a breath of fresh air. When asked, she would smile and say; “I like guys. Sure they lie. Sure they cheat. And we women don’t?”

 

That is not to say it was easy to be with her. Far from it, in fact.

 

But she had a friendly way of letting guys down easily – and so even after getting nowhere with her, there were a lot of guys who would do nearly anything for her.

 

And so it was that Kemi sailed through the first three years of her university education and it looked to a lot of concerned citizens that she would graduate without at least one boyfriend. And then she was in her final year and it looked like a done deal.

 

That was; until Chika.

 

Now it is important that you understand; it was not as though Chika was particularly handsome, it was not as though he had something in particular that none of Kemi’s previous suitors had. But there was some measure of sincerity in his declarations – and I honestly think that was what Kemi saw that made her give him a chance.

 

Of course, she did not tell me anything.

 

So there they were, two people who suddenly found a reason to spend time together; Chika, happy to be the guy who got to take Kemi out on occasion; Kemi, hiding a lot of what she was feeling behind her Oral B smile. She turned down his gifts, never loaded the credit he bought her, so it was not as though he was her ‘maga’ or ‘mugun’ or whatever term properly described ‘sucker’. She liked him, so she kept him around.

 

Then came the day school closed for the session and they were graduates. Everybody planned to travel – to forget about school and school related stuff, at least for the next two months or so. Chika desperately wanted a commitment from Kemi, because at this point his feelings had become serious. He needed to know.

 

So they agreed to meet in their home state, at the newly-opened Ikeja City Mall.

 

That day, Chika was determined more than ever to get a ‘yes’ from Kemi. He was well-dressed, the fact that he was no longer an undergraduate reflecting clearly in his carefully-chosen attire. Honestly, he looked very well put together – like a hundred naira note. He looked good.

 

Kemi had always been a looker anyways, and that day was no exception. But there was a different radiance about her smile, a radiance even Chika recognized and acknowledged as a positive sign. His usually jumpy-self had no choice but to calm down.

 

And so it was, they spent the better part of the day walking up and down the corridors of the shopping mall, enjoying each other’s company. At first, whenever Kemi wandered into a store and picked up a dress or shoes, Chika felt his heart rate increase and he mentally checked his account balance. But after a while and it became clear she was just window-shopping, he relaxed and began to enjoy the moment.

 

Moments later, they stopped at the ice-cream shop at the second entrance and Kemi ordered three scoops of three different varieties. Chika gallantly attempted to pay for it but Kemi refused so adamantly – you would think there was more to it than just ice-cream. The girl behind the counter who collected the one thousand naira note from Kemi winked at her, and Kemi smiled back…a mischievous smile.

 

They left the store, Chika somewhat quiet. Kemi offered him a serving from her ice-cream, and as he opened his mouth she shoved the spoon against his nose, smearing his nose with cold cream. She burst out laughing as he scrubbed his nose and snorted loudly, startling several other people. He saw Kemi laughing and he chased after her suddenly.

 

It was a short chase. He caught up with her just round the corner opposite the Swatch shop and pinned her against the wall right beside the jewelry shop. She almost spilled her ice-cream, laughing hard as he crushed her in his arms. The next thing that happened came right out of a Hollywood movie.

 

For some reason Chika could not explain, he kissed her. Probably it was her nearness, or maybe the fun he had been having, or maybe the fact that he was yet to have done it, and ‘no time like the present’ as the saying goes. Whatever. He sha kissed her sha, and while Kemi did not resist, she did not exactly respond either. After a few seconds of such an obviously one-sided kiss, Chika backed away feeling as though he had just made out with the back of his hand.

 

Some indiscreet giggling from a couple of girls watching from across the aisle did nothing to make him feel better. And so he walked away, head hanging while Kemi straightened her dress and followed, still eating her ice cream.

 

Chika was done. In fact, he was about to tell Kemi he was leaving when she laid a hand on his sleeve, looked into his eyes with that beguiling way of hers and told him she needed to buy some stuff for the house. He followed her into Shoprite.

 

As they headed into the superstore – specifically towards the baskets, Kemi’s phone rang. She quickly dumped the half-eaten ice cream into a wastebasket and picked the call, indicating to Chika to help get a basket. He got to the basket stand, and as he tried to pull a basket free while carefully watching Kemi out of the corner of his eyes – he heard a small squeak near his hand.

 

He looked down and behold, there was this fat rat looking at him out of large beady brown eyes.

 

Now as I had said earlier, there was nothing particularly special about Chika. In fact, for emphasis’ sake he was one of those guys who could not kill a chicken. The sight of blood scared him.

 

So imagine his reaction, finding a rat staring at him calmly in a place where there weren’t supposed to be rats. He froze with shock, opened his mouth and yelled;

 

“RATS! THERE ARE RATS…IN SHOPRITE!!!!”

 

Kemi, who had been speaking with her mother on the phone calmly hurried over, took the basket from Chika’s hands, and in the midst of the stunned silence handed the basket to one of the attendants. And then she turned to her shamefaced escort and…you guessed it; kissed him.

 

The poor shoppers looked as stunned as I felt; having shock after shock handed to them. In fact, the silence within was so complete that a few people who were passing looked in just to be sure there was nothing wrong. And then, slowly, people started to move again.

 

They got married not too long after; don’t ask me why or how. I am only the writer of the story after all, and not the chronicler of their lives. I was at the naming ceremony of their first child, and even though Kemi refused to tell me anything, I am almost sure she agreed to marry him the moment he screamed, ‘there are rats in Shoprite!”

 

Women. Who can understand them?

__________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________

Happy New Year people! Welcome to the best year of all our lives.

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67 responses

  1. Ha ha ha! I loved this story. And yes, women! Who can understand them? Not even I can.

    January 7, 2013 at 7:51 am

  2. jennifer

    Still trying to get the hang of this story…..

    January 7, 2013 at 7:56 am

    • Seriously?!

      Aww. That sucks. Is it you don’t like it – or don’t understand it?! Or just don’t get it?

      January 7, 2013 at 8:01 am

  3. Once again you’ve made my dat with a wonderful story

    January 7, 2013 at 7:56 am

    • Thank you Tolu!!!

      Bless God. Thank you so much for your support!!!

      January 7, 2013 at 8:00 am

      • We thank God

        January 7, 2013 at 12:56 pm

  4. Reblogged this on toluoke.

    January 7, 2013 at 7:57 am

    • We have work to do this year o – hope you know that.

      January 7, 2013 at 8:27 am

      • Of course bro, I know The Almighty will definitely see us through ooo

        January 7, 2013 at 12:56 pm

      • Yes O!

        No better support than His.

        January 7, 2013 at 1:00 pm

      • You know this…… definitely

        January 7, 2013 at 1:01 pm

      • 😂😂😂😂😂 This one is evergreen!

        December 20, 2016 at 4:54 pm

      • Er….thanks?

        December 20, 2016 at 5:31 pm

  5. Akinjide Akindele-Ojo

    this story sums up a slightly similar situation I’m going thru at the moment. I always laugh at guys who feel they know all the right buttons to push in winning a woman’s heart. the truth is we have absolutely no idea and what will be will be.

    January 7, 2013 at 8:51 am

    • Yeah man. It’s an enduring mystery…

      Thank you much!

      January 7, 2013 at 8:53 am

  6. WOMEN…. Not sure we understand ourselves either… We are simple beings yet complicated. The irony

    January 7, 2013 at 9:48 am

    • Abi ke? Na so o!!!

      Thank you!

      January 7, 2013 at 12:41 pm

      • You welcome

        January 7, 2013 at 1:24 pm

  7. Er, so she married him cos of his cowardice ba? No wahala, you got any Kemi friends left? I’m such a coward… 😡

    January 7, 2013 at 10:46 am

    • Don’t worry. Will forward a few of those numbers to you shortly.

      January 7, 2013 at 12:57 pm

      • Hehehehehe. I am waiting

        January 7, 2013 at 12:58 pm

    • Interesting. I won’t say she married him because he was a coward. Frankly can’t explain it…. *smile*. Cowardice def wasn’t the reason she married him.

      January 7, 2013 at 1:24 pm

      • No.

        It wasn’t.

        January 7, 2013 at 2:00 pm

      • Er, okay, whatever reason she had, me 2 I want. I can be that guy na.

        January 7, 2013 at 2:18 pm

      • Lols. Sure you can be that guy. I can bet you she liked him already even before that incident.

        You would find your own too no worry.

        January 7, 2013 at 2:58 pm

      • That’s the thing, girls avoid me. 😦

        By the way Boda Seun, wie’s ’em numbers? I’m waiting.

        January 7, 2013 at 3:37 pm

      • Ok o. Uncle Seun please send dem numbers fast.

        “We” have to do something about girls avoiding you o. Lol

        January 7, 2013 at 5:22 pm

      • Girls avoiding who…?

        January 8, 2013 at 12:54 am

      • Er, how about urs? and I’m a really gentle guy oo. 🙂

        January 8, 2013 at 9:08 am

      • *whistling past*

        January 8, 2013 at 9:31 am

      • You berra check yasef!!! Girls avoid you – meh!

        January 8, 2013 at 12:54 am

      • Bros don’t spoil show na, she’s bought it hook line and sinker… :d

        January 8, 2013 at 9:08 am

      • Who don spoil show now?

        January 8, 2013 at 9:31 am

      • I’m just saying…

        January 8, 2013 at 9:36 am

      • Dey dia.

        January 8, 2013 at 9:39 am

  8. its the sincerity that made her decide.
    any other guy would want to do the macho thing and bla bla bla but he, his first reaction just told her he is the one and end of story.
    what’s there not to understand?

    January 7, 2013 at 1:27 pm

    • You’re a genius. That’s all there is to it.

      That simple. Thank you.

      January 7, 2013 at 2:00 pm

      • you’re always welcome

        January 7, 2013 at 2:50 pm

    • Loved that you understood what the whole story was about………. Wonderful reasoning

      January 7, 2013 at 2:13 pm

      • why, i thank you

        January 7, 2013 at 2:50 pm

    • Sincerity could be the reason. But I can also assure you, there could be a lot of other reasons in her head why she answered. One thing for sure, she already liked him.

      January 7, 2013 at 3:03 pm

      • I would say that much was pretty obvious…

        Thank you for coming back. Hope you stay!

        January 7, 2013 at 3:20 pm

      • I think I am here to stay o… Lol….

        I can really relate with this “incident”. Think that’s what is pulling me back.

        Cheers.

        January 7, 2013 at 3:23 pm

      • you should read the post from the beginning. she did not kiss him back.
        why then did she end her call and go and kiss him?
        note that the dude was already getting frustrated because she wasn’t returning the vibes he had been giving off all evening so saying that she just realy liked him..naaah. you can really like tons of folks and settle for one a

        January 7, 2013 at 7:41 pm

      • I do agree with you. That’s why I said sincerity could be the reason. I could also not be the reason. Trust me, I have been in a somewhat similar situation before.

        January 7, 2013 at 8:43 pm

      • ok

        January 7, 2013 at 9:03 pm

      • *whew!*

        January 8, 2013 at 12:52 am

      • Tell us about this your ‘similar situation’!

        Do tell!

        January 8, 2013 at 12:53 am

      • Yup!

        January 8, 2013 at 12:54 am

  9. A bit unexpected… But, overall, a nice, soft, mushy story that I kinda like. 🙂
    “Like a hundred naira note” Lolz!
    Cheers 🙂

    January 7, 2013 at 3:32 pm

  10. Hahahahahahahaha….nice story. But that’s what it is: A romantic story.
    I hope they christened their baby: ShopRAT. 🙂

    January 9, 2013 at 6:07 pm

    • HehehehehehHhe!!!!

      You’re a very …………. someborri! Thanks! Will forward your suggestion to the couple!

      Thank you!

      January 10, 2013 at 12:45 pm

  11. Women? we are! Understandable? we are not. Patience is required. Although this one is wierd and we can really b weird in different ways, little things matter a lot.

    January 10, 2013 at 8:02 am

    • I agree wholeheartedly. Thank you!

      January 10, 2013 at 12:43 pm

  12. Joyin

    Hello
    everyone…
    Honestly, i’ll have to agree with Deronk that we women/ladies could find it quite hard to even understand our own selves let alone men, myself very much included…. Really quite complicated.. With Bekezed, i’ll add that asides the guy’s sincerity, it couldn’t have been for that reason she decided to kiss the guy back and have him finally.. I for think at that moment relating to the rat incident, he was just humble and not being cowardly.. I mean it was just shock that gripped him – A rat in Shoprite!!! And best known to Kemi, it could have been anyother reason..
    Well, cool story and i like…
    Wish i could have my writing enthusiasm back…

    January 14, 2013 at 7:23 am

    • Hmmm….food for thought!!!

      January 14, 2013 at 2:57 pm

    • So why can you not get your ‘writing enthusiasm’ back..??

      Thank you..!

      January 14, 2013 at 3:00 pm

      • Joyin

        Well, i should be able to but i’ve been occupied with a couple of other things, some time-consuming, some distracting.. That’s why..
        Quite a number of times though, ideas and lines run in my head, but with time i know i’ll get back on my feet for writing.

        January 15, 2013 at 4:34 pm

      • You better!

        Thanks again.

        January 16, 2013 at 6:33 am

  13. M

    RATS! THERE ARE RATS IN SHOPRITE!!!
    ROTFLMF(lat)AO
    Loving this couple already.
    This story will definitely be told till their hair turns grey… *sigh* love in its purest form.

    July 7, 2013 at 4:08 pm

  14. Yemie

    This is really nice! I’m wowed by the writing, its slamming! I guess Kemi had one of ’em magical ‘Eureka’ moments when she suddenly sees Chika for the first time, being oh soo real, mighty sensitive, unpretentious, sincere and not afraid to be…. ‘afraid’??? Just being human and not afraid to be. A beautiful piece, very well put together too, a lot more than a hundred naira note nonetheless! Kudos! Lolz.

    June 25, 2014 at 9:53 am

  15. There ARE rats in Shoprite?!! God knows I detest those vermin. I’d rather snakes.

    June 25, 2014 at 10:26 am

    • Hehehehe! Actually saw one once!

      Snakes?! I think not.

      Thank you!

      June 25, 2014 at 11:54 am

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