I think I said I love you too early;
But who cares? I said it ‘cos I meant it
Maybe I don’t deserve you; maybe I do,
But I know either way; my heart won’t stay idle
Maybe I never thought I’d ever feel like this again;
Maybe I knew so much feeling could only end in pain,
Maybe I should have told you; trusted you with my fears;
They say even with tears in your eyes, you should still see clear
Maybe I did spend too much time talking about my fears;
Talked about them so much you started to hear
Maybe I should have just told you how I really felt;
But I was afraid of what I was feeling; tied with a lipstick belt
Maybe I said ‘I’m sorry’ too often; maybe I didn’t say enough;
Maybe I said it too late to stop the hurt,
Maybe I was trying to put out the fire after the eggs were burnt;
Maybe I should be singing ‘Goodbye My Lover’; like James Blunt
Maybe I shouldn’t have said what I did; maybe I should have,
Maybe I should have shrugged at your hurt and said ‘too bad’
But I know I said what I did because I meant it
But then again; does that make me right; knowing you’d resent it?
I’m from that school where it’s actions over words;
That’s why I showed – not tell you how happy you made me
Or maybe I said it; but no more than once;
And I stopped ‘cos you looked at me like I was crazy
They say good things don’t last; I believe it
We can part if we have to; but not like this,
Can we hit the reset button and start again; please
Like I just ran into you and said ‘hi, my name is…’
Words I Never Said
And a Happy New Year to Moi!
Shayo was understandably nervous.
She was standing outside the door to Demola’s ward after ten days of not seeing him. He had been calling and insisting on her coming, but she had not fully absolved herself of the guilt she felt about causing the accident.
Demola had reassured her that he did not in anyway hold her responsible but she could not help but feel bad about the whole thing. It had been a Range Rover for freak’s sakes…!
Sighing deeply, she straightened her shoulders and made to touch the door handle…and then paused as she suddenly heard voices coming from Demola’s room.
Shayo stood rooted to the spot, conscious of a loud throbbing in her ears. Her outstretched hand began to tremble violently and the shopping bag she had in the crook of her right arm slipped, almost dropping off. She heard intimate laughter and she flushed, feeling heat in her cheeks and ears.
Leave now; a part of her mind said; leave now! Don’t embarrass yourself!
Another part said, calm down jo! Do you know who’s inside? Do you know who they are? And why are you getting agitated? Dude did not ask you for marriage now, did he? He has not even asked you for anything!
Before she could make up her mind on what to do, the door opened showing a pretty girl who looked to be about sixteen years old completely with sparkling white teeth and dimples. She walked out and held the door open, smiling brightly at Shayo. “Go in,” she said. “You’re here to see Uncle Demola, right?”
Shayo nodded dumbly, feeling shy. The girl stood aside and held the door open, and Shayo, feeling as though she was nude on a catwalk, walked into the room head bowed.
She heard a sweet mature voice ask, “Is that her?” and she felt something tremble in her tummy at the implication of the question. But she missed Demola’s response and therefore was shocked when she heard, “Omo mi, o se o! Ka bo!”
O se ke? She’s thanking me?! For what?!
Shayo looked up and into the eyes of a kindly woman who looked to be in her sixties – but was still so beautiful it was easy to tell she must have been a sensation when she was younger. Shayo ignored the open arms and instead knelt down on both knees in front of the woman.
“Good after…good afternoon ma,” she managed to blurt out, feeling uncomfortable. The woman’s smile became wider as she pulled Shayo up and hugged her.
“You come from a good home. Thank you my dear. I love you already!” The woman eased away and looked Shayo all over. “Isn’t she lovely?” This was to Demola who was reclining on the bed grinning from ear to ear.
Shayo turned to face Demola who was partially sitting up, wanting his approval. She saw a gleam in his eyes – visible to her despite the distance between where she was standing and his bed, and her heart started another kind of fluttering. His extended his left arm hand – the right one was in a sling, and she put her right hand in his.
He looks good; she thought shyly, barely able to meet his eyes. He was wearing pajamas in blue; his favorite color as she had come to know. It was no co-incidence that she was wearing a sky-blue Ankara print gown with very little jewelry and minimal makeup.
Demola affected her like no other man had.
But you still haven’t told him; her honest side whispered. Remember he asked you what you were doing on that road at that time of the day, and instead of just telling him the truth you made up a story – a story he did not buy one bit!
She sat beside him, letting herself settle gently so as not trouble the bed too much. Still holding his hand, she leaned towards him and whispered, “You did not tell me your mother was here!”
Suddenly he yanked her forward and she landed on his chest, her lips a few inches away from his. Her breath caught in her chest and she looked at him nervously before her eyes fell shyly. She was aware of the loud thudding of her heart as she nervously licked her lips – lips that were suddenly dry for no reason.
Oh behave; that side whispered again. Why are you acting like a virgin? You’re not fooling anyone – least of all him!
“I’m not…” she started to say aloud before Demola’s lips engulfed hers in a warm kiss.
It was strange. Really strange. Everything she thought she knew about men and sex flew out the window.
She had automatically thrown up her left hand in an attempt to push him away; but that same hand curled itself in Demola’s pjs and somehow found an opening. She touched his warm chest, playing with his roughened skin and enjoying the warmth.
She caught herself. Are you crazy?!
The hand that was caressing Demola’s chest froze and stiffened, becoming an wedge between their bodies. Demola tried to pull her close again but she gently but firmly pulled her right hand free and it joined the left against his chest. “Slow down handsome,” she whispered, trying to act coy but conscious of her rapid breathing.
She looked over her shoulder, remembering that they were not alone after all. But an empty room confronted her glance.
She looked back at Demola. “Where…” she started to ask but stopped as she saw Demola grin.
“Was she supposed to stay and watch us play Yemi my lover?” They both chuckled, as Demola sat up straighter and put his hands on Shayo’s hips.
“Babe, maybe I should not have kissed you like that…but I’m not sorry I did,” he said as he saw Shayo look serious. “Maybe I want to agree with you about slowing down – but I just know I want to…I need to be with you. That’s all I know at the moment.”
Shayo shivered. She liked what he was saying – liked the way his voice made her feel. But…
“Demola…” she stopped, afraid she was about to do something really stupid. Something she would regret for a long forever.
“Demola,” she said again, and she smiled as he stopped grinning at the serious note very obvious in her voice.
“Yes?” he responded. “What is it?”
She took a small breath. “There’s something I need to tell you,” she said, not looking at him.
That’s all folks!