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I just had to ask myself; ‘self, what the hell are you thinking?’

Or maybe the question should have been if ‘self’ was even thinking at all. I was standing in front of a Chicken Republic; that one on the corner at that Opebi traffic light. I was standing there, phone in my hand, wondering if I should climb the stairs or just walk a few steps left and be hit by a car.

I felt as though I had just done the most stupid thing a human being could think of. And the annoying thing was – there was just no point. To what I did and to what I was feeling.

I was jealous.

And I despised myself for it.

Jealousy is a poor, pathetic human feeling; a feeling reserved for the weakest of the weak. Of all the emotions; it was number two on my hate-list.

The first was pity. The third was love.

They annoyed me because I strongly believed they were the most unproductive of human emotions. Fear, anger, hate – were of better use managed correctly. All the mushy stuff…there was just no point to them. Yeah; you fall in love; he/she/they love you back; and then what?

You get played like a sucker…because nothing that good lasts forever. Nothing that good was designed to.

An okada speeds past, waking me temporarily from my day-dreaming. I climb onto the gravel patch in front of the joint to get further away from the road, and then continue in my wool gathering.

I was jealous. Why was I jealous?

What I found most bothersome was the fact that I had no right to be jealous.

Of course it was a woman. What else could put a man like me in such a state? Not even money could achieve that feat. Trust me.

But here I was; green with envy over a woman who did not even know I exist. Would you believe that?

Again, I weigh the phone in my hand, but this time my attention is taken by the security guard approaching – who looks like he cannot quite make up his mind whether to approach me or to call for help. I smiled at him.

“Don’t come any closer,” I said politely; “I’m just enjoying the view. I’ll leave when I’m ready – not before.”

The guard scampered away and my smile grew broader – and then became grim as I remembered why I was there. It really hurt; and I hated feeling that way. Traffic had started building up…signifying the end of another day but I just kept running around in my small brain thinking how I was going to get myself out of the fix I was in.

Suddenly deciding, I strode up the stairs into the Chicken Republic and got myself two chicken wraps.

And then I went to Page and drunk myself senseless.


6 responses

  1. kaycee

    This is good.

    March 28, 2012 at 4:33 am

    • Thanks Kaycee.
      You too real. Honest.

      How far? Still owe you one – or maybe you do me.

      March 28, 2012 at 7:09 am

  2. Babyada

    K’ilo n se e?!

    March 28, 2012 at 11:17 am

    • Nothing much – I’m good.
      How are you? Always something to have you here!

      March 29, 2012 at 9:36 am

  3. Oyin

    I hope this would not b a series that we wld ve to pray to get the next episode.
    I felt it should be;
    i weighed the phone instead of weigh.
    My attention was taken instead of is taken
    who looked like instead of who looks like
    it really hurts, instead of it really hurt.

    May 18, 2012 at 12:28 pm

    • Thank you Oyin.

      The problem with this one is that I wasn’t clear about the narration; wanted it to be present continuous tense – but I wasn’t paying attention and so…

      Thanks for the corrections. I think this is a series YOU WOULD ACTUALLY have to ‘beg’ for me to continue….HEHEHEHEHEHE!


      May 18, 2012 at 2:44 pm

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